A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I assume you will all tell me to get rid once youve read my question but what I really want to know is can he love me if he did this? Do you think he really wants to be with me?So ive been with my boyfriend since feb, neither of us were looking for a relationship but it just kind of happened. Were both really busy people yet every spare second we get were together. I practically live at his and we get on along great. I'd kind of given up on the whole happily ever after and had decided that I was happy to focus on my career and make sure i enjoyed life. Now that im with him I still want to do all that but with him by my side. Heres the thing ... We met in Feb, everything is brilliant! Like actually perfect or so I thought. But i went travelling for 6 weeks from July to September, I was doing a charity thing in the mountains so had no way of contacting him. I sent him one email over the space of 6 weeks but he was completely cool about it and understood plus he was super busy too. Yet i find out while I was away he slept with someone from work. Not just once but on three separate occasions. One time was drunk, the other 2 werent. But each time they were planned. He hasnt seen her since I got back. The girl didnt know about me at first but I guess she fell for him because she slept with him twice more after he told her about me. The girl knew that my boyfriends intention was nothing other than sex. He even told me, it was mutual to end things after the 3rd time because they both felt bad. Hes now left work (nothing to do with the girl) and has started a new job and i know the girl is leaving work soon too. They live quite far apart and I honestly know nothing will happen between them again. I also know hes been honest with me about everything. But what do i do? I know he feels guilty because I found out due to the nightmares he was having. I dont really want to know whether you think I should end things or not all i really need to know is do you think he can love me if hes done that? And does he actually want to be with me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 Dear OP,
I got as far as this part of your questions "what I really want to know is can he love me if he did this?"
which is in your first paragraph.
I have not read more....
IF you have to ask then he probably does not......
BUT it's very early on in the relationship you were gone for 6 weeks.. with essentially no contact.
Did you two promise fidelity? Faithfulness? if not then what's the concern?
If you promised undying love and faithfulness and he broke the promise then that's an issue
if there were no promises then I'm not sure what the issue is?
did you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): To answer your original question, No I don't think he loves you.
But I do believe you've asked the wrong question.
The question you should be asking is whether the relationship type he has to offer is right/enough for you.
If it somehow turned out to be true that he does 'love' you; but that he deliberately cheated on you, disrespected you, betrayed your trust, and hurt you for the sake of a few hours of sex with someone he doesn't have feelings for despite his love for you... Would you be satisfied and happy with him? Would you be secure?
If you wouldn't be satisfied with the SPECIFIC TYPE of love that he MIGHT or MIGHT NOT have to offer you then it doesn't matter if he is indeed he's offering it.
If you live and work in London and it wouldn't suit your needs to rent an apartment in Yorkshire... It doesn't matter whether indeed there is or there isn't an apartment to let in Yorkshire.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 No, that's not love. You had only been together since February, and in July, first time you are out of sight, he is already antsy and in need of something new and can't say no to the temptations ?! In fact , he engineers two more occasions after the first one when things "just happened " " because he was drunk " ( very poor excuse , but whatever ).
Some love.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 September 2013):
Sure he can love you, but he'll cheat on you again. He didn't have an "accident", he made a premeditated decision and your relationship didn't factor into it.
So if you want to love someone that will likely hurt you again, go ahead.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 No I don't think he loves you. You were supposedly dating exclusively since February. 6 weeks is nothing when a guy loves you. I don't believe his guilty feelings. Being busy and away are not excuses. He wants to be with you and he wants you to forgive him, doesn't mean you should though.
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