A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years was sending flirty text messages with another woman, about how he was going to be in her area soon and how he wanted to see her in a bikini etc. She stopped responding after a few back and forths and so it fizzled out. This all happened 2 years ago, just before I moved states (leaving my life, friends and family) to be with him. We lived in the same town the first year, did LDR second year and moved in third year. I have only just stumbled upon these messages. We use each other's things and we ocassionally read each other's things out of idle curiosity more than anything else. Neither if us has a problem with that. I was horrified ofcourse but what really hurt is that I thought we were happy and really serious at the time. I wouldn't have moved if I didn't think that we were solid. I'd trusted him through months of long distance, never questioned who he went out with, never worried about his boundaries with female friends. And now this, 6 months after we've just got engaged, I find these messages. It makes me question a lot about our relationship. What else have I been completely blind to? what else is he capable of that I would never have believed him capable of?What makes it harder to get over is that he signed up to an extra marital affair website about 3 months ago. He signed up, crrated a username but created no profile. I noticed a week later while using his tablet, a reminder to fill in his details came up.I was dévasted about this ofcourse and asked him why he did it etc. He said it was a stupid mistake, he was curious, he wouldn't have acted on it. He just wanted to see the type of women there. I'll never know how far he would have gone had I not immediately called him up on it. This man is very loving, caring, supportive and has never said anything horrible or raised his voice. I love him very very much. He seems to be happy with me. But after these two incidents years apart, I'm not sure that he's happy and committed. What do you guys think I should do? What would you do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 I can't say whether I think you should leave him, but I wouldn't advise marrying him, so I agree that the engagement should be called off.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 He may be happy with you as a life partner but he is not happy that he has not tasted other women and feels the fear of being stuck with one woman for the rest of his life. In my opinion, some men could only commit after they lived their boys's life and got it out of their system. By doing that they are called jerks and players so this marriage thing, although the right thing to do, feels forced to them.
I would call of the engagement because marriage is not going to curb these curiosities. I think it would only make the forbidden fruit sweeter. He would be able to hide his tracks better. He said he wouldn't act on it, that's a lie. He was ready to meet that woman in bikini. If only that woman said yes, he would have gone.
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