A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A week ago I found out my boyfriend cheated on me after only 4 days of getting back together. We had been off and on since November (we were bf/gf from June through November then he broke up with me in mid-November, we spent a week or so apart, then started hooking up again once or twice a week).He came over and stayed the night with me about 5 days before he cheated and I wouldn't have sex with him because I told him I can no longer have sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend. He said "Well, we can give it a shot" (starting a relationship again) and I asked if he was sure and he said yeah. I still didn't have sex with him that day though. I don't think he was serious about us getting back together anyway, I think he felt pressured from being at my place and thinking he would cause a fight here. Regardless, even if we weren't together, he had still claimed he wasn't seeing anyone else and wasn't interested in anyone else.He texted me 2 days after that day, and that was it. It had been 4+ days since I heard from him and it was just 2 texts saying that he was stressed out, and I had tried texting him multiple times on different days after that and he never replied. I got on Facebook and looked at his page, and a girl tagged him in her status and said she took a break and stayed in all weekend with him and had a fun time.My hands were shaking, I was so angry and upset. I texted him and called him pretty much every name in the book (selfish, jerk, slimeball, etc. and told him I know he stayed with a wh*re) and told him to never contact me again. For some reason I feel bad AT TIMES and feel like I was too harsh...even though I tell myself what he did was worse. I deleted him from Facebook and haven't contacted him in any way. What's really bothering me is he never replied to those last texts I sent letting him know that I know what he did. I haven't heard a word from him. I just can't believe he really doesn't care enough to apologize or speak to me. Even though I told him not to contact me, I would think someone that really cares would try anyway...or maybe they wouldn't because I said not to?I would say he was my first real boyfriend. And to make things worse I lost my virginity to him (I was 22 and before I met him planned on waiting until I was married). Even when we weren't together we still said I love you and I felt like we were good friends and enjoyed each others company. He didn't talk to me for almost 2 weeks in November before he broke up with me, basically what he was doing before he cheated this time, which makes me believe that he had probably cheated on me then (but I don't know). I've never had anyone make me feel like I'm not good enough. I felt like I was by myself most of our relationship except for the first 2 1/2 months, which were perfect. Then shortly after that stage, he said his friends are more important than me and he would only see me maybe 3 hours a week when we live 5 minutes apart driving.My problem is I never like anyone. I'm not like the few friends that I have who go from guy to guy just to have someone. I'm so picky (but obviously that's not working). It had been over 5 years since I even went on a date. It's hard to let go of someone I actually found that I was so crazy about because that never happens. I'm not saying I would take him back, I just start second guessing myself.I guess I'm just looking for thoughts on my situation. I don't really talk about it with anyone in real life because I know I'll get emotional. Thanks for any help and reading this.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 February 2013):
 your ex is a huge jerk. and you had every right to send him the texts that you sent him and you should NOT feel guilty for it.
and you are correct. if he cared, he would have responded and tried to talk to you. the fact that he got called out by you and didn't even try to talk to you about it suggests to me that he's not in this at all.
you say this was your first real relationship. take this as a life lesson and experience and move on. you can do a million times better. head up.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I guess what you are complaining about is that he did not fight for you. He did not say I am sorry, forgive me, it was a mistake, please take me back. Or even : I am sorry, it's over , I never meant to hurt you, it just happened, I hope that some day we'll still be friends. Etc.etc.
Something like that.
But you see, expecting these things would make sense from a guy who is too weak / horny / vain /selfish etc.etc. to keep it into his pants, YET has strong feelings for you. To me someone who cheats does not REALLY love - yet , in his own superficial, self centered way , he can still be very taken with you.
Only, unluckily this was not the case , and, if you had not been blinded by infatuation, ...I guess you would have seen it coming.
See how yourself describe your situation. You had all of 2.5 months of honeymoon phase, then the - short- following was all loneliness, preferring his friends to you, going on and off...making YOU sweat it for the crumbs of his attention.
Honestly, don't tell me you thought this is how someone who CARES would act ?....Sigh. I guess you did. Well , in short, it's not.
In fact, if we want to find something good to say about this guy( which it is not that easy ), we could say that, at least, he is not an hypocrite and does not show regrets or emotions which he is far from feeling.
Where does this leave you ? FREE. Free from being unappreciated, sexually exploited, cheated on, and made a fool of.
This was your first real boyfriend, your first experiment with love and sexuality. It went wrong, and so it is for many first experiments. Ask any scientist, any chemist :) The first times they may blow up the lab and get scorched. But if they are patient and persistent, if they know exactly what they want and where they want to arrive, if they learn from their mistakes and try new methods and new approaches in lieu of the old, ineffective choices,... eventually in time they get their Nobel Prize :)
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 1. he was your ex for a reason - things were not working out.
2. he was only telling you what you wanted to hear so that he could have sex with you
3. you are wasting your time with this guy - do you really want to be treated like that?
4. you need to lower your horizons - if you are expecting mr right to arrive on a snow white stallion to whisk you off your feet - sorry all out of those, you have to be a bit realistic - people including you have quirks and faults. Try getting to know someone before you label them as unsuitable.
5. you are young, you have your life ahead of you - learn from this experience and move on - without the jerk of course!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): First of breathe and go get a cuppa of whatever light beverage you like, tea coffee( tea for me plsee) Okey if my daughter came and told me what you just posted and I listened as she ranted and raved and cried ( as honey it's okey to cry ). My advice would be, that this relationship was never meant for do or die .. Why, you ask.. Because there is far to much drama in your life in such a short time . Do you want to be one of those wife's ( not that he wants that) that doesn't know where her hubby is, if he coming home.. No of course you don't! ! You want to be loved . Feel loved and have fun. And honey there no fun in this relationship. Like a infected limb, chip him off at the source. Defriend him on face book , delete his phone number, if you can bar him more the better.. Have a girls night out where you celebrate the beginning of a new you.. No more the fool to wait around, as your not waitin on him coming around .. Your gonna be far to busy to even think of him.And if your not busy, then honey it's time to write a list of busy things to do and I'm not just talking about work and housework, what bout new fun hobby or even a girls book club where you read a scanalous book have a drink and discuss and hee over it lol or get the lonely heart columns and try and match a new man to one of your friends just for a giggle. Just make sure your having as much fun as you can. And before you know me right will come along and you'll have forgotten all about mt donkey.. Of course you may still rant and rave and cry a little now and then and that's ok honey.. Just keep moving cruising forward and there will be light at the end of the tunnel.. He's not meant for you.. Your to good..
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