A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a mature woman and know a thing about men over the years. I met up with my first love over a year ago and cutting a long story short we have been on a few dates and have slept together. It has all been on a friendly basis as I have just come out of a relationship and he is a little cautious about commitment. When we are together we really click and I adore being with him as we have intelligent conversations about everything.I know he is still attracted to me but I am growing feelings and do not want to be hurt again by him. It was his birthday recently and I sent him a small gift through the post. I was on holiday the day after his birthday and he tried to contact me. Then he messaged me and thanked me for the present. He was surprised to know I was away and I made sure post fun pictures on facebook.There is something that is bothering me in relation to his behaviour and why I am now refusing to see him. He will not see me on the weekends. He says that is his time. My mind is running riots as I have alsorts of suspcipions. I may be wrong. I sent him a text stating that we must meet up again one week end when he is not washing his hair. (He's bald). He has not replied.I know at our next meeting I need to come clean about my feelings. If he does not want to make a commitment I will tell him that I will always love him but need more.If you have any words of wisdom please share. I have been playing hard with the no contact but I feel I am wasting too much time.I am an attractive women and work as Air Cabin Crew so work hard but I do get a lot of time off.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2016): I am absolutely sure than he is not married or in a committed relationship. I have spent a lot of time at his house where he lives with a male lodger and there are no signs. I would not put it pass him to be seeing someone as well as me as like I say we are not exclusive (yet).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2016): Are you sure he is not involved with another woman or even married????
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2016): He's also a mature man, and he has learned that part of a balanced and happy life is "me-time." Me-time is the time you set aside for yourself. No one else has a right to take that from you. However; there is also room for compromise here.
You deserve every other weekend, considering you may have to work during the week. It's on weekends you have the whole day and night to spend together. If he is inflexible even under compromise; then make a decision that is best for you.
He may like to golf, or do man-stuff on his weekends. He is not your husband; so being single also leaves him a certain amount of freedom and latitude to pursue his own interests.
He doesn't have to commit to you until he's ready. If you are as mature as you say, you would be patient enough to not want to force or rush anyone into it. You will appreciate it more if he comes willingly. Just because you demand it when you think the time is right, doesn't necessarily mean it is. You have your own selfish reasons, and may not be considering his. He may see things about you that don't quite assure commitment would be right at this time. Remember, this is a one-sided description of your relationship to this man. We don't get to hear his side or reasoning.
If you feel you need to move on, that is your prerogative.
He doesn't have to live-up to your expectations. He may be cautious based on your past. He's not quick to seal the deal; and may want to evaluate how time has changed you.
I warn people all the time about recycling their exes. There was a reason you broke-up, and sometimes even time and their absence doesn't change those reasons.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2016): Thank you for taking the time to response. Yes I agree I should speak to him rather than text. He does not know that I find the not seeing him on weekends offensive. I have also told him that I dont like talking on the phone.
I have a few things to do and then make decisions. I'm glad I have held back my feelings to avoid being hurt again.
thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 August 2016):
 He has either got used to having his own space and enjoying it (nothing wrong with that, just don't expect it to change) or he is in a relationship and has excuses for during the week (working away possibly?) but not at the week-end. Frankly, for him to state week-ends are "his" time - which clearly doesn't include you - is a bit insulting. Even if you has stuff on during the day (perhaps plays sport or something?), he could make time to see you in the evenings.
From your side though, for someone of our age (I am similar age to you), playing mind games is a bit immature/childish. Why do you feel the need to do that?
You two really should sit down and TALK, instead of skipping around each other.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 August 2016):
 I think texting leads to more misunderstandings and upset than needs to happen.
Pick up the phone and speak to him live.
You made what you thought was a joke about washing his hair and he may well have taken that as an insult.
The bottom line is this: you want a man who will spend time with you, weekend or weekday. This man has already taken the weekends off the table.
My reaction would be to say “next!” and free yourself for a man who is actually available. Just because you are growing feelings doesn’t mean that he’s reciprocating. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2016):
 I don't think he wants a relationship at all. Someone who states that their week-ends are THEIRS and they want "alone time" what kind of future would ANYONE have with that person?
Playing "hard" to get is not going to change who he is and what he wants.
There probably IS a good reason this guy is single. He prefers it that way.
I'd honestly look elsewhere for a REAL partner.
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