A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneI have a gorgeous boyfriend of 7 months. We are both 19 and for the past 6 months i have been spending most nights living with him and his parents. We came to realise we both needed some nights apart to catch up with friends, do our own thing etc, but as of last week his parents went cold on me, and made me feel very unwelcome yet no one told me to stay away for a while and give everyone space. I have been stressed out about an operation i am having and changing jobs etc so it has caused minor tension between us but nothing you couldnt fix or wouldnt expect.My Bf's older brother was killed in a quad bike accident early last year and as you would expect it has devistated the family leaving just his parents with my bf, as there only son. As you could imagine they are very protective of him after with happened to their older son but i feel they take it too far sometimes. I always offer to go to there house as to not take him away from them but with out confronting me, they have told my own mum that they are scared of there son getting hurt in a relationship when he has his brothers death to deal with. In my own eyes i can not see how this is fair as we make each other very happy and we are also both young adults and should be able to make our own decision excepting we give each other nights apart etc. He is a very quiet kind of guy and wouldnt hurt me or his parents but i feel he needs to be a little stronger towards his parents in having a say what he does with his life, particually when our small disagreements should be between me and him and not his parents.Am i being unreasonable? I love him very much and would do anything to make our relationship work. I love his parents also but i feel very hurt and confused about being cut out all of a sudden as im used to seeing him everyday and i havnt seen him for 4 days now. I have a small operation tomorrow which i am quiet scared about and would do anything for a bit of time with him as his company always makes me feel better. I have been crying for 4 days now and i try to sound happy when he calles me but im very hurt and miss him dearly. We have not broken up and no one is expecting us to but am i being unreasonable thinking i stll should be able to spend some weeknights with him?What should i do so as its fair to everyone? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 September 2008):
Well why are you lying to him about how you feel. Why sound happy when he calls.
Call him now and let it all out - cry aout how you miss him and how you are scared of the operation and how you feel his parents have taken the best thing in your life.
Unleash the crazy. He's not going to let his parents know how upset he is at them taking you away from him, because he's going to put on a happy face, because you seem to be happy about the whole thing.
If his parents see that he is miserable because of what they did, then they will soon realise what they did was wrong.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (4 September 2008):
 You are not being unreasonable but you can probably understand what his parents are going through. They are now scared to lose their only remaining son and want to keep him with them and safe at all times. However they do need to realise that they cant live his life for him and wrap him in cotton wool. He still has to be able to make his own way and if he makes a mistake that is his decision not theirs.
Its very difficult for you to do anything as you will come across as the baddy. If you slate his parents he will resent you and if you try to talk to them I feel at present it will only make the situation worse. You could try saying that you love their son dearly and have no intention of taking him away from them or hurting them. You will have to tread very carefully as if it comes to a confrontation or a screaming match then your bf is likely to side with them due to the common bond they have regarding the death of their loved one.
Just give it a bit more time, dont create any drama, just be yourself and try and be a little bit stronger on your own. In a few months the situation may calm down a bit and they will start to relax when they realise they are not going to suddenly lose him too.
Good luck with your operation and try not to worry to much x
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