A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my wife and i have been drifting apart for about 2 years.she is always on the internet and is very brief when i ask her what she is dolng.she always has her cell locked and never leaves it alone.i have noticed several friends on her facebook site that i dont know. all men. i told her it made me unconfortable and it took 2 weeks of fighting for her to offer to close it down. i told her dont worry about it.it really hurt me, but i let it go. she says they are just friends. she plays games and also writes as a hobby. i saw 1 message to a man that was very chummy. her phone goes off nonstop with text messages.she will be sitting in the living room with me and pays way more attention to the text messages than me. i really dont know what to do.when i say anything ,she gets really upset. i dont want to be controlling because she accusses me of that all the time .i am afraid that if i ask her to stay off of the internet she will want to leave. we have a daughter and i dont want to lose her or my wife. what should i do?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Welcome to love in the internet age.
Well first of all if you truly do love your wife, you need to tell her to turn the phone off. Turn the computer off. Turn the TV off. Sit down with her and tell her that you feel like she's neglecting you emotionally and physically.
Tell her like you feel you're losing her to all of these devices. If you suspect she's flirting with other men or having some kind of online affair, then outright ask her.
Its obvious that she's spending more time paying attention to a lot of other people and not you, and you don't like that.
Are you afraid of losing your wife and daughter? Yes.
But frankly if she doesn't respect you for at least trying, then she's not going to respect you when she's having sex with other men, or having a virtual affair with other men.
Sooner or later you're going to find out.
Frankly, if you want your marriage to work then both of you have to make it work together. That means taking the time to re-establish all of those emotional connections, sharing your thoughts and desires, sharing your feelings and becoming intimate again. That emotional intimacy and physical intimacy is part of the work.
The rest is of course stirring passions and doing things together as a family and as a couple.
Now maybe she wants that. Maybe she doesn't.
However, if she's unhappy in the marriage, keeping her in it is wasting your time and hers. Why should you lose out? Do you want to be married to someone who doesn't love you? Do you want to keep her in the marriage to punish her?
All of that has to be worked out. If there's a child involved then obviously you two have to consider what your relationship is and how it should progress, or if it should end.
Take the time to communicate with each other. Its obvious from what you're writing here that you love her, and though she's right there next to you, you're lonely and miss her as your wife instead of net-junkie.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 January 2010):
Is she a much younger woman?
Either way, why don't you lovingly tell her that her phone habits are affecting you and you miss her love and attention. Perhaps you can negotiate that you both switch off phones at 5pm every evening or totally off at weekends. Also, don't expect her to just sit there staring at the ceiling when the phone is off, organize things for you to do. Perhaps an "us" day every Saturday where you can spend all day doing stuff together finishing off with dinner and a movie or something. You are disconnected and need to reconnect with her somehow.
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A
female
reader, pril +, writes (10 January 2010):
There r a lot of adult dating sites out there. She can flirt,text,email,webcam, there r all kinds of them out there and so many ways to talk to other people. She is prob talking to other men. I have been though almost the same thing. My husband has been on them. So if u can get on her computor u can check the history of what she have been looking up, same with her phone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 January 2010):
First of all, read this site. www.womensinfidelity.com . Don't assume that your wife is having an affair, just make the assumption that your marriage needs to be kick started again. The most important thing you can do is sit her down and tell her you're worried about the state of your marriage. Tell her that you want to fix it. And listen to her.
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