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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello, this might seem like a silly problem. I am 44 years old and while i can be fiery i have calmed down a lot as i have got older. When i was younger i was very different as a person, fiery and i thought nothing of having casual partners. I have met someone who i love and the feeling is mutual, we have been together a few months and both know we want to get married in the future.The thing is going back to my past, i have been out in his local town a few times, though i have not been with him (i used to go drinking there a lot when i was younger) and for some reason i could not fathom a woman, who i have seen around for years and her daughter have taken to talking about me and glaring at me when they have seen me (on a few occasions)I have ignored their behavior, up until Friday night last week, when it was my birthday, my much loved family dog had died and i was not in a very good mood at all. I went into a pub and they was sat there and as usual i received the glaring and the obvious talking about me. On this occasion i lost my cool and glared back and made it obvious i was angry with them, the people i was with calmed me down.I have since worked out that their problem is that the daughter works with my brothers ex who i know openly says very nasty things about my brother and i already know full well there is no love lost between me and her.I am angry that she has a captive audience willing to judge someone without knowing them, but i am also angry with myself for retaliating and i am struggling to shake off the feeling.I of course want to go out with my boyfriend where he lives with no ill feeling towards people (which at that point i hadn't had that problem) but i know myself enough to know that i will rise if someone goads me. Any advice please Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 September 2017):
 Small towns are the same the world over.
Try something different, next time you walk into a pub or other public venue and get the glares, give a big wide smile and say "Hi, how are you?"
You don't need to go overboard, but a friendly greeting every time will soon take the wind out of their sails.
I wish you well wirh the relationship.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (9 September 2017):
 why was Despret housewife's a big take? because it cast the people that acted in it in the way we are, We can all fit into one of the story lines somewhere,
these two people the Watches you get in every area, ok they don't just sit in the local pub they sit in their house and pipe out the windows, they go to church and pray to God and bitch about the others in the church,
they are to be pitied more than anything because they think they are the best the only ones that can do everything, full of their own importance and end up making a mess of their own thing in the end
I have seen people stop their car and ask if they have said it all yet" I have seen people take a drink and pour it on them, I have even seen people stick out their thought at them, and nothing works.
I would love to say do this that or the other but I can't all I can say is we have them everywhere, I had my fair share and once the only way I could deal with them was to look forward to the day that I was going to go into the town and say look I got there or words to the same effect but now that I HAVE GOT TO WHERE I WANTED TO GET TO I don't have the same need today and the Watchers are now the ones been talked about by new Watchers because they have made some mistakes,
Life is too short and Life is like a wheel today you are on the way up and the others are on the way down just until their turn comes and it comes for us all so try to forget them and go past without a look
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I did speak to my boyfriend about it and he wasn't bothered in the sense of my losing my cool, he said he knows what people are like on his town. I honestly have had no cross words with either of them so I have no apologies to make. But I will try my hardest to take advice given and not rise to the drama. Thank you all again :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 September 2017):
 Learn to ignore them. What they think is irrelevant. And it's not like you can change how others SEE you when they don't know you. So the MORE you act like a crazy lady, the more people will presume you are one.
If you instead ACCEPT that not everyone is going to like you and starting drama doesn't make YOU look good.
You can't change how people feel, think, do or say. It's just not in your power. WHY spend SO much energy on people who mean NOTHING to you? So what if they give you the stink eye at the pub?! Who the fuck cares? You shouldn't care!
Act like a grown and mature person and don't jump in the gutter every time someone looks at you funny. They have EVERY right to look at you and think whatever they want, just like YOU can do the same... But once you get in the mud you are NO better.
Do you want to be a better person? Rise above the lame drama that really has nothing to do with you or your relationship.
Time to put away the "fiery" attitude... if it means causing drama. It's not impressive.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Let them be, why should you care, look happy that they are showing you attention and don't let them see you upset, that is what they want. Whatever reasons they have they are the immature ones, so you be the bigger person, go and enjoy nights out with your fella and ignore them, they will soon get fed up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2017): You empower people when you worry about what they are saying about you. Their words have no impact, if you don't react or respond to them. Your boyfriend will eventually learn about your past. It's your responsibility not to pretend to be someone you aren't; and to come clean about your old ways.
Everyone has things in their past they aren't proud of. Once it comes to light, the shame begins to fade. If you know you're not that person now; that is your proof and evidence of how much you have changed. He knows the person you are now. He didn't know you back then. He has to form his own opinion, based on the woman he knows; and those positive character-traits that you display consistently.
If you get riled-up and hostile by stares; and become publicly belligerent. Maybe you haven't changed as much as you think.
Maturity and experience is supposed to teach us dignity, and give us a tougher-skin. When we were in our 20's, we reacted to stupidity or gossip; because we didn't know any better. Now we do. By allowing stupid people to get to us; it only shows how little we've changed, and how much immaturity remains in us.
Sorry you lost your dog. Maybe going to a bar where you know your enemies hang-out wasn't a wise thing to do, when you're in a bad state of mind. Drinking may not be the best thing to do when you're upset. It's the last thing you should do knowing you have a short fuse.
Learn to control your temper. Even when people goad you. I would warn your boyfriend that this could be a red-flag.
Don't let him find-out by seeing you in action. Get anger management counseling; if your self-control isn't enough to restrain your anger and aggression.
Hot tempers and drinking don't mix. Find another spot to decompress; preferably where no one knows you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Sorry but you can only control what you can control. You can't stop anyone looking at you in a public place or even glaring at you. All you can do is control your part. You can take yourself away or decline to react.
I fail to understand what the problem might be with this woman and her daughter. There appears to be some work to be done here. What has happened in the past to cause this enmity? Was it to do with your hot temper? Is an apology in order, or are there other aspects you need to explain?
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