A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,apologies for the length of this... but I really need your help.I'm 23 years old, single, and have been working for a large company for 2 years now, and recently a married woman (she's 34) has been flirting with me. I've told her no, stop flirting with me, and that she should leave me alone and that I will tell her husband, but she says she hates her husband and that he's drunk and overweight, and doesn't want to do anything but eat, sleep and watch TV. She also said he doesn't want to do anything with her and doesn't spend much time with her and is obsessed with the pub and fast food.She flirts with me but is always frosty towards the other guys at work - and no matter how many times I tell her to stop flirting with me she keeps on doing it.I've told her she's a friend and nothing more, but she refuses to accept that. I worry she may become like the Glenn Close character in that movie "Fatal Attraction".She keeps telling me her husband is very inactive and overweight, and she doesn't like him any more. I've refused to discuss the subject with her, no matter how many times she mentions it.I feel like telling her husband what's going on, but am worried about if that's even the right thing to do.I tried telling the boss, but he just laughed it off and said that flirting's part of the workplace culture.What can I do to get out of this situation?? I want to do the right thing and get out of the situation in the best way possible.Rick
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): Hi Rick. Firstly, your boss is bang out of order. Every company whether large or small has a code of conduct and this female colleague is clearly crossing the line. Your boss has a duty of care and any complaint must be taken seriously. The flirting that you are describing (unwanted attention/sexual harassment)will fall under 'harassment and bullying' - there should be policy at your workplace (either a hard copy or online)that should be available to you. Your boss should be very careful as civil action can be taken if your complaint is deliberately being ignored. You've probably seen such cases in the press re: WPC awarded comp after years of sexual harassment by a male colleague.You have done the right thing by telling her to stop. Clearly she thinks you're probably playing hard to get and because she hasn't been challenged by any other person, thinks it's acceptable - it is not. Get yourself a diary and record/back date every incident noting times, places eg. staff canteen or corridor and if there were any witnesses as you will need evidence if the matter is taken further. Also you will need to speak to your manager on a formal level - not a passing comment during a casual conversation. Don't bother telling her husband - what's happening is in the workplace therefore I would keep it at a professional level and not make it personal. Good luck...you're not on your own!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 I'm with Frank and duce00.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Hi Rick,
Firstly, you need to get proof. Carry a pocket recorder with you. If you do accuse her of sexual harassment (that is what this is), you will need proof, as she will accuse you of the same thing, and men are not beleived against women without proof.
Your boss saying: he just laughed it off and said that flirting's part of the workplace culture.
..is a result of you being a man. If you were a woman, he would worry for a lawsuit.
What can I do to get out of this situation?? I want to do the right thing and get out of the situation in the best way possible.
First, get recorded proof (audio-video) proof and witnesses that will put what they see in writing. Then see a labour lawyer to find out what you can and can not legally do, and how to structure your evidence.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Hi Rick,
You really need to watch out for those cougars when your a young man. They are doing the same predatory behavior that society frowns on men for doing yet somehow its considered less offensive when its a woman. I know what its like when men like your boss dont understand. Thats just really shitty and unprofessional. I hope his poor judgement doesnt transfer to all areas of his job. You dont sound like you need any advice on moral behavior because that sounds very intact for you.
Id say keep your distance as much as possible. And let her know you arnt afraid to discuss her actions with people whom CAN stop her. If this doesnt work you might have to have a more serious talk with your boss. Hopefully he will get off his old school thinking and do somthing. Its not easy when you are persued like this I know, but you shouldnt sit by and take it any more than a woman should. There is sexual harrassment in the workplace laws here in the states and I would guess you have somthing like that in the UK. That sword cuts both ways my friend, its not just to protect women. It can be used anytime there is harrassment. I have heard of men using it too.
Treat this the same way you would if it was a man hitting on a younger woman. This is when equality among the sexes becomes challenging to some, but the world is catching up I think. Stand up for yourself!
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (1 September 2007):
 If you have kept telling her and she is not listening then you are going to have to put in a formal complaint to the management about harassment, if they take no notice of that then you will have to take it higher.
Warn her first that this is what you are going to do, tell her again that you are not interested in her and if she does not stop you will proceed with formal action, you have to take this action now otherwise i could very well be watching a film about you in a few years, scary.
Take care.x.
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