A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I wrote in for advice on two seperate issues, when really it should have been one entire story/question.I'm in a committed relationship but I've fallen for a guy I work with and barely know. My relationship is a funtioning mess. I don't love my boyfriend like I ought to which is obvious because I'm constantly crushing on other people. I'm always very honest and up front about my crushes because I'd want him to do the same with me.I'm not sure how the guy I work with feels about me... I'm not even sure he's the guy I think he is... because I'm constantly distancing myself from him to save myself from doing something stupid or making my feelings for him deeper. Which is frustrating because I want to know him. But I keep a distance figuring my feelings would linger then die... but unlike other crushes my feelings have just exploded. I'm starting to hate the time I have to myself and when I'm not at work. I'm completely in love, infatuated and smitten with a guy I could have all wrong but it's unlike anything else I've felt for the longest time. (Probably the same way I felt about my boyfriend, 7 years ago when I was first in love with him)But now I'm starting to reconcider my relationship like I have never before.It's a double edged sword because I want to leave to pursue and be young and try to find something that makes me feel more secure in my future and it wouldn't hurt to feel more passion in my relations. But I also do not believe that real love is all about the romance (or 'the chase' feeling) so I feel at times like I need to fight for my relationship, because it's comfortable, and it may not be an in-love but I do have love for my boyfriend.A friend of mine constantly jokes and says I should do things that would compromise my relationship. I know she's just teasing but I think about doing stupid things like that all the time and it makes me feel a large knot of guilt and I can't stand myself.I just need advice... a fresh pair of eyes.Thanks for your time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): For starters, if your current relationship is no longer working for you...you do not seeing it growing...feel any love growing...lost interest, etc.... then END IT. Do not do it based on you crushing after another guy, or find yourself straying and then eventually cheating.
You do not have to be in a relationship, you can take this time to meet different guys, get to know people and have some fun! Not be a tramp, I mean, just have some fun and not tie yourself down to one person right now. In time you will be ready to settle down and the kind of guy you are interested in will change as well.
A
male
reader, savron  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 As i see it you have two separate issues to deal with.
Firstly it seems to me you are not sure of your feelings for the person you are with but you are afraid to finish it which would be the farest thing to do, or at least consider taking a break in the relationship so you may both analyse your feelings better. Maybe you should discuss this more openly with your current partner?
Secondly you've developed a crush at work which you are not sure is mutual and you afraid to perhaps flirt a little to find out because a) that would be unfair to your current relationship and b) your afraid of looking silly at work if there is no response but hey how else are you going to know. Your going to have to give this guy an idea if you really are'nt sure of his feelings at the moment.
You seem a little afraid to show your true feelings to people, try it and you might find a new you. Be better to find out so you can move on from your current dilemma because thats just going to bottle you up on both counts and thats really not healthy for you. Hope that helps a little.
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