A
male
age
30-35,
*allowLove
writes:I have a special friend, I call him special because he is my boyfriend, he was also my childhood friend...then when we reach our high school years, we need to separate our ways because he attended in different school. But during our college years we met again, but he was different, he change and so was I. During second semester we stayed on the same dormitory, and there we were acquainted to each other again. We hang-out each other and became intimate to each other, until we come to the point that we love each other. We've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. But it didn't work out fine as the years came by. Then we need to separate our ways for a bit. I really love him so much the reason he didn't want to. He don't want me to fall for him madly, bec. he is afraid that he might just leave me because he need to find a real relationship, a relationship that can provide him a family-- a matter that I, my self admit that I cant provide. It was really painful for me to let him go. He gave me a chance to make out our relationship, but this time it was different, he became brute and mean to me. He's hurting me with his hands-- things I've never experience before. He always get drunk, and when he is there starts the hurting stuff, cursing me and blaming me for all the bad things happened in his life. I don't know whats the reason behind his changes, but I still love him. I don't mind the things he did. Until he came to the point, he almost killed me. I was in a farewell party with my best friend and he was there too. I was crying for I will never see my friend again, he saw me crying and he was really mad. He thought that he was the reason I was crying-- he doesn't want me to see me crying bec of him. He was so mad that he drag me at the bathroom and almost drowned me in the tab. We were both drunk at that moment. He broke my cabinet and throw my clothes in the living room and I was just crying in the bathroom until morning. When he woke up and saw all the mess, he packed his things and left with a tear in his face. I didn't stop him bec it happens so fast, I was cold and wet at that moment and I just saw him shut the door and left with a guilt in his eyes. I knew he was sorry for what he did. And thats the last thing I saw or ever heard of him. Then years came by, a text message just reached me. It was him texting me that he has a Cancer in the blood or leukemia. I was just shocked and cried for a moment. He said he was sorry for all the things he did to me, he never meant all those stuff. The reason he did those stuff so that I will be turned off in him,and when the time comes I will never be hurt and can easily move-on. He really loved me. And I still love him. My question is, do I need to see him?...I think I am not yet ready, its to painful for me to think about his condition. There's also a hate in my heart when I think about the things he did. Did he really loved me?...what if he's just saying those stuff because he needs me now bec of his condition?...I heard he has a girlfriend now but why does he's still saying that he needs me and loves me?...can any one give an advice to mu confused brain and heart??? .. T_T
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I know I am going to sound like a b..ch, but to be honest I would not be so sure he's even telling the truth - this guy, from how you describe it, sounds so psycho that I would not put beneath him being able to invent a sob story about having leukemia just to impress you and get you back. And, ill or not, the part about doing all that crazy stuff to you on purpose , because he wanted you to stop loving him so you'd be free of moving on with your life ?.... Aww please. That's soap opera material, a bad soap opera. If you want to set someone free, you don't need to drown them in a bath tub, you just tell them, Guess what, it's over, you need to move on- or words to that effect.
As for " did he really love you " - you can't possibly be serious, can you ? What's love got to do with attempted homicide ( on top of all the previous physical abuse ? ) ...
( Btw, he tried to kill you and you don't mind ? If this is really the case , I think you'd benefit from some therapy and I do not mean this in a scornful, disparaging way. It just seems to me that you NEED learning from scratch to use your emotions in a healthy, positive way ).
But even if we want to assume that he is telling you the truth , i.e. that he is really sick and really repentant,
sure , forgiveness is a healing, empowering gesture, as wel as a generous one, so by all means , if you can forgive him, do so.. BUT, you do not need to forgive him in person- he has his current girlfriend, hasn't he ?, to assist him in his hour of need . You do not need to meet him in person , or to be around him at all. Write him a message sending him your forgiveness, and your best wishes for his recovery,- and be done with him at once. After which, please consider seeing that therapist .
A
male
reader, Jason1980  +, writes (13 September 2012):
I am so sorry for the way things turned out between you and him. I can only say that regardless of what happened between you and him, you should lend him a hand the same way you would do to ANYOTHER person who has a similar condition. I do not recommend you see him if you are not ready.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 You do not need to seem him.
I think what you can do to help him is say "I forgive you for all your bad behavior and I wish you all the best"
and move on....
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