A
female
age
41-50,
*eedygf
writes:He broke up with me more than a week ago.We were together for one and half years, spending the first six months together and another one year long distance.He's european, I'm asian.He's 22. I'm 29.Not the easiest situation huh.He told me the reasong being, he stopped believing that we can make it through. After the breakup, I realize that I was being very needy towards the end, because i sensed his confusion and I was trying too hard to pull him back, which made things worse. And then I just read something about being too young to commit. That it's not his fault his feeling changed. It's just how human nature to want to grow and be free at such young age. Plus, the distance made the relationship really difficult to maintain. And my neediness and yelling didn't help much.Anyway, he didn't contact me ever since the breakup. Neither do I. But I'm wondering, if I should write him a letter to tell him that I'm now okay with the breakup, as I see it now it's best for both of us at the moment. Because I feel that he did love me a lot, was wonderful to me and cares for me even during the last conversation. I now understand that he's very confused towards the end. I just wanna tell him that it's okay. And i understand it's all because he's too young to take so much pressure. I wanna let him go. I'll be lying if I don't want a second chance with him in the future. But even I know that most of guys won't be happy settling down at such young age without doubt. So I just want to seperate at good terms.Does anyone think it's a bad idea? I wanna a unbias opinion. Thanks.
View related questions:
broke up, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 sweetie, i know you are hurting badly...
time will heal you.... you just have to be open to being healed...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 No, don't write. It's over , what would you accomplish ? Do you want to tell him you are needy ? He knows that you are needy !, that's the main reason why he left you , isn't it ? Ok, you want to explain him WHY you were needy. But, really, what difference does it make ? If he has had feelings for you, I am sure he has already made any possible excuses and allowances for your behaviour- he still can't abide it. Once I had an alcoholic partner, due to his past experiences, and current challenges, I was neither surprised nor scandalized that he had developped an addiction, in fact I felt much comprehension and compassion for him- and yet, I realized that I just can't stay with an addicted, and it had to be over. The "why " does not really matter that much, at the end of the day. You can understand and forgive the "why", and still realize that the person is not right for you.
Do you fear that he has a bad opinion about you ?... I don't think so, if he has loved you and been with you a long time, and is not a mean spirited person, I am pretty sure that he holds no grudges and will just think of the good parts of the relationship. But,- important point- even if he should think you are the bitch from hell, - the truth is that you can't afford worrying about how he sees you . Because you need to MOVE ON, you need to put whatever has happened in the past, and if you keep bringing up the past and trying to rewrite it, you'll be forever unhealthily stuck in something that did not work out.
It is really time to let go . Chalk this up to experience, good and bad, and only look forward.
...............................
A
female
reader, needygf +, writes (14 September 2012):
needygf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies and being so patient.
I know it's a stupid thing to do and a more stupid question to ask. But I'm just very very upset at the moment. I really hope that there's anything I can do to save this relationship. But I guess the answer is obviously no. If he cares, he won't break up with me in the first place.
It's just so sad that you thought the guy is special, but turns out not. I met him at my lowest point of life, and being with him was like the only good thing. I thought that finally, I don't have to sit through with fake smiles, forcing myself to have boring conversation with jerks. I thought that finally, I found the right one.
But no. I still have to be like another heart broken girl, seeking answers that we actually know but don't want to face. Browsing google desperately with tears. Just wish that there's still hope. That maybe I can be the exceptional one.
But no. I still have to pick myself up. Get myself out there, fake some smiles, meet more jerks, and continue to wonder, when I can have happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, lillady1976 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I think its ok if you write him. That might be closure for you. I wouldn't tell him that its not his fault because he's young. I would write about how he took care of you, made you feel loved and cherished and that you understand that you were a little needy and confused by his pulling away but you were glad to have met him and that you will always cherish your time together but you understand and are ok without him.
At least that's what I would say.
Hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Hi,
You are going to have to move on I'm afraid and not contact at all. Letters reek of neediness. However hard, no contact.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (13 September 2012):
 We all know why you want to send him a letter and we're all telling you the same thing. Bad idea. It would make you look needy and he would recognize it instantly as an attempt to inch your way back into his life.
You had the talk and said what needed to be said. There is nothing new to say. Give him his space and let time filtre out any unpleasant memories.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
if you already have told him about your neediness... telling him again just proves your neediness.
if you need to write him a letter AND BURN IT do so... but do NOT send it to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Hi, I answered your previous posts about this relationship.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ldr-break-up-because-of-my-neediness.html
You already have explained to him that your neediness caused you to act the way you did and he understood that but still didn't want to continue the relationship. I think he knows the reasons you acted the way you did and has no ill will towards you. Sending a letter saying the same things again has no point and shows the opposite of you moving on, and kind of shows your neediness more. You admitted it is to keep him around and thinking highly of you for the future. The best thing to do is leave it and move on. The only chance of you being together is if you met up in person again and you could rehash your explanations there. But the letter won't help anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, needygf +, writes (13 September 2012):
needygf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies.
It's just that, the relationship was wonderful, but I was quite unreasonable towards the end and I think it kind of ruined the good part. I really want him to have a good memory of me, it makes me think that maybe we can have a chance in the future.
Writing him a letter to explain why I acted a bit needy and crazy is the best and only way to do that. Or will time filter all my mistakes in his mind?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
It's over and done...
do not write a letter.
just move on and keep the good memories..
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (13 September 2012):
Bad idea. You both said good bye when you broke up. Saying it again makes you look needy. And the real reason for doing it isn't to close a chapter but to reopen it. He will certainly see it that way.
Leave it alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): Dont contact him. Let him go and let yourself heal. If you feel the urge to write the letter do so but dont send it just tear it up. You will be happy again
...............................
|
