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2 Problems! Girlfriend stopped wanting sex and also started smoking behind my back

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Health, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 March 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2009)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

This is going to be kind of long but I am a 19 year old guy and my girlfriend (18 going on 19) of 2 years and I are going on a break and i have 2 big problems. Before i tell you what recently happend I'm going to tell you our relationship before today.

The first year with my girlfriend everything was great and we had a good love and sex life. But around 15 months in the relationship she stopped wanting sex. And it's not a romance issue because im always romantic. i am still extremely attracted to her and i love her very much. But she just stopped wanting sex. We would go from sex once a month then it would be 3 months and now going on 6 months without sex. i always aske her why she doesnt want to have sex anymore and how it was starting to bother me when this dramatic decrease started happening. I felt unloved and that she didn't like me anymore.

She thought that it wasnt a big deal and didnt want to talk about it. She said dont ask her about sex and maybe she will want to so i stopped for awhile and then nothing happend. So i started bringing it up again which was a bad move cause she would just get mad. It's not even just sex anymore it's nothing involving any kind of intimacy in the slightest bit. She doesnt even want to kiss or do anything involving any kind of affection. All she says is sex isn't a big deal and it shouldnt be important to me. And we use to have sex all the time i dont understand!

I've also had a past girlfriend of 2 years and a main part of our break up was about marijuana but im not going to get into that. But it made me pretty against weed and my girlfriend today use to wear drug free hoodies and always said she would never do drugs or smoke or anything which was good for me especially with my asthma haha. But i found out from a friend of mine today that my girlfriend smoked weed with her friend (who's a minor dating a 30 year old man) 4 months ago in a town her friend lives in pretty far away. My girlfriend knows how much i do not like weed but she did it anyway.

When i told her i just found out she said she wanted to try it knowing i had a bad past with it in a previous relationship. i am a guy who doesnt really drink or smoke obviously and i know some people that smoke it and im cool with that it's their business but my girlfriend did it behind my back and never told me about it that hurts me. it upsets me that she would keep this from me especially when she always said she doesn't trust me or anyone for that matter. She accused me of posibilities of me cheating on her with a girl i work with who is 25 years old and already has a boyfriend. Ive talked to this girl once outside work on myspace. But my girlfriend has no problem smoking weed knowing i don't like it and lying to me that she doesn't do it.

So basically i get accused of not being trusted when she's a hypocrite. She also hangs out with people that i know. and they smoke weed. She complains to me about them smoking knowing that she has done it herself and not telling me. She just doesn't think i would get mad when she knows i have something against it.

I also do not understand why she thought i wouldnt have a problem over her doing it but at the same time not tell me she did it. it's just weird. Right now we are on a break and i dont know what to do. I love this girl very much. Any advice is apreciated. Please Help thank you!

View related questions: a break, drugs, has a boyfriend, I work with, myspace, sex life, unloved

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

wow just found a youtube video of her high with her friend. seems like she is having a fun time. but she told me it was horrible and she will never do it again. guess she lied about that too =(.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you for all of the advice guys i'd appreciate it.

yeah she said she only smoked that one time but idk it's like when she goes and hangs out with her friends in her town it's going to be hard not too think she's going to do it again you know =(. i hate the end of relationships because it's hard to let go and even though sometimes you have to for the better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009):

I think she may have someone else sorry...

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntYour on a break my advise is to not get back together, you obviously want different things and have been growing apart for some time.

Start dating other people and find someone else.

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