A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I was just wondering if it's ok for a seventeen year old girl to have sex with a forty year old man? I've known him for a few months and we've been talking a lot. I really like him and want him. I know that it is a significant age difference, but we connect on so many other levels than sexual. I would never let him take advantage of me, trust me, I set the limits in our relationship. I don't see anything wrong with this, but I was just wondering what other opinions would be. Thanks! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, thenamesGodessxx +, writes (3 August 2011):
 I dont think theres anything "wrong" with it,just make sure you wont get in any law troubles or anything,and make sure your both okay with doing it other than that should be fine.My bf is 40 and I happen to be 17,I get along more well with him than anyone my age,but then i also consider myself having an old soul not like a typical teen....more of a oldhead hippie ;)I enjoy his sexual experience and mental experience.I believe i act more mature than him though,sometimes!! ha ANYWAY Good luck Have fun and be safe! xx
A
female
reader, Pepper1242 +, writes (20 February 2011):
If the roles were reversed and a forty-something female was having sex with a seveteen-year old the responses would be different. Someone that age should be thinking about the future (education, job security) not about entertaining the needs of a older man or woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, chick989  +, writes (23 December 2009):
i'm 18 and my boyfriend is 50, i was 17 when we started sleeping together (in the uk 16 is legal).
age is not a problem to either of us and we can't imagine life without each other. i personally am not attracted to guys of a similar age.
whatever feels right, go for it
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (21 December 2009):
 You say you like him and want him, but there is no mention of how he feels about YOU. You might want to think more about whether or not he gives a damn about you before you start planning to have sex with him. As a matter of fact, you should be asking him, not us, if he thinks it's okay to have sex with a 17 year old.
...............................
A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (20 December 2009):
 paedophile . . . stay away and report him to the police
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I have read the criticism from others regarding your situation and that is what I am afraid of. I am in a relationship with a much older man however we did not sleep with eachother for about 6 months after we met and we are more so best mates than anything.
This man and I are 'connected' but he is definately not a predator people, he is the most genuine man I have met. I believe you really have to look at him and say to yourself, do you actually love him for him or is is sex. I think you should stop now if its just the sex because it will only stab both of you in the heart, not to mention destory your self image and reputation.
Dating an older man feels good yes because you have more security etc but unless you really do love him and its mutual, just quit.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): comeon guys this is SICK!
17 and 40?
thats a difference of 23 years!
a age difference can be defended, ONCE you hit the early twenty's. as a 17 year old, you're just a little kid and you still have alot of maturing left!
this 40 year old man, does he have a family? any children? an ex-wife? he sure seems like a pervet with some very very very wrong sex-thoughts/ideas!
this guys should be reported to the authorities, since it seems that he is familiar with hitting and sleeping with young girls, and who knows if he will stop and 17? why not 16, 15, 14......... discu
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): thats just like having sex with your father
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Some of my friends and fellow advisors will differ with me here, because I cannot condemn activity which I have done myself without being a total hypocrite. Case in point: At about age 50, a relationship developed with a woman half my age, which she instigated.
As you alluded in your situation, we also melded in so many ways. She was very mature but had been in prior harmful relationships with younger men about her age. She had made a series of bad choices, and was apparently attracted to an older man with maturity and kindness. And true, I was old enough to have been her father, but I was not her father. My initial resistance gradually faded due to her maturity. In fact, she was stronger than me because I was stunned from divorce after a 20-year marriage.
She had most recently been emotionally and physically abused by a police officer boyfriend, and again, she first approached me for safety, comfort and understanding. Yes, she is beautiful - as I'm sure still is - but at first I just wanted to help her.
For nearly a year, we nurtured and cared for each other, and both grew stronger as individuals over time. I always knew that it couldn't last, but we loved each other both knowing that one day she would need to leave me for someone closer to her age. We even talked about it on occasion.
Well, I won't even mention the glares and stares we endured in public when we walked so close together, my arm around her, or spoke lovingly over dinner at a restaurant, but we always laughed it off.
She finally found a mate, with my blessing, got married and eventually pregnant, and she stayed in touch with me for years. Had I not moved away and changed all contact information, I'm sure that we would still be in touch today. But I know one thing, and that is that the love and caring we shared transcended any false age barriers or any other bullshit differences imposed by society. We needed each other for that brief moment in time, and we both blossomed from it - although she fared better than I. How can anyone condemn a May-September love affair like that?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): as i would agree with most of the posters in the age difference and leagal issues... i have to say that when i first had sex it was with a much older man.. i was 18 and he was 33.
I had no illusions that it was a lasting relationship.. i simply wanted to have my first with someone who wasnt an idiot and not in the back seat of a car... etc. I viewed the whole summer as a great learning experience.
are you mature enough? I don't know, but i can tell you there will not be a future relationship.. just sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): You wanting sex with him, perfectly fine. Him wanting sex with you: he got some issues. No sane man with respect for himself would go so low.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Sex? Heck yes of course its OK. Older guy, younger girl sex is great. I've been 17 and I've been 40 and you'd have a better time with 40 year old me. Just don't go doing anything silly like trying to build a lasting exclusive relationship because that is unlikely to work out well.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Is it okay... no.
It is not just the 23 year age difference. It is your age. You are a teen, he is just a small step away from senior. Mind you, going out would be cheap, you can both get a discount because of your age.
I am nearly as old as him and frankly, the only reason to go for a girl your age is the body. All the bits still firm and in place... but you are dating a little kid.
Sure sure, you got lots in common. What? What do you connect with him? And doesn't it strike you as creepy that a man who has lived for more then twice as long as you has, can still connect to a teen? What do you talk about, your growing pains and his old age pains? His hair falling out and you growing hair in new places?
What I am trying to get across is that for a 40 year old to connect with a teen seems off. Why doesn't he connect to a mature woman of say 20-21? Someone who is allowed to vote?
To be brutal, if he can connect fully with a teen girl he must have something very wrong with him. Or you are VERY old for your age. Granted, your post is not the typical teen girl mess but still.
I just have a hard time seeing a connection and worry about why a guy that age has tried to connect to a girl your age in the first place. Perhaps more mature women with more experience don't want him?
Answer me why he ain't dating women more then half his age.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 December 2009):
 A 40 year old man who connects on so many levels with a 17 year old young lady, eh? I think I need a second opinion before I can comment. Are you still living at home? Let me know what your parents think about your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 December 2009):
 The age of consent in your state will be the main issue - what is the laws in your state? If it is 18 then there could be some huge problems if you have sex with him - he would end up in jail for a long time if the police found out! But if it is 16/17, then technically no there is nothing wrong with having sex with him.
It does make me wonder though, why is a 40 year old man interested in a 17 year old? I'm sure you are mature and attractive etc but at the end of the day he is 23 years older than you - if he was a genuine, normal kinda guy then surely he would be married or in a relationship with someone closer to his own age?
I am only saying this out of concern for your safety - when the age gap is that large it does make you wonder whether he has real feelings for you or whether he is a sexual predator preying on young teenagers?
Is this a real relationship? Or is it an online thing where you have just been chatting? Have you been dating out in the open (as in has he been taking you out on dates in public places?).
If you could provide a little more info then I might be able to help some more.
...............................
A
female
reader, Araelia V +, writes (15 December 2009):
 I would say if your happy with him then thats great i hope you two do well together but maybe leave it until you two have been together for a long time. You dont want to do something and then find out that it's not what you wanted. Just wait until you've been together about six months and then see if you still want to do it.
Hope I helped
Araelia V
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Sadnat  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 its not really a usual thing that happens and society might not agree but if you are both single and nobody will get hurt it really is your choice. But i am going to warn you that your parents wont be too pleased as he could be your father.
...............................
|
