A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been happily married for almost 17 years. My husband is the best husband in the world. I want for nothing. However, I have allowed myself to fall in love with a co-worker. I feel terrible, but I can't help how I feel. We have been having an affair for five months. I have tried to end it a couple of times, but I always fail whenever this other man comes around. I don't want to feel like this for another man, but I am having trouble controlling my emotions. My lover was recently deployed (Navy) and I have six months to get him out of my system and focus on my marriage. However, I am afraid that when he returns, I will be too weak and give in to him again. I really need some good advice. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Dear, you have painted a picture of a marriage that should be affair proof, but it's not. What is going on with you and this marriage? It sounds as if you are acting out on some deep, inner emptiness within you and in a desperate manner. I am guessing that you are very, very emotionally lonely and have been like this, in this marriage for a long time. Start talking openly, honestly and more lovingly to your husband about it. Because it's so obvious to see you allowed yourself to have an affair because you didn't know how to resolve your loneliness. I bet my bottom dollar, a good deal of emotional intimacy is probably missing between you and your husband and it's not just his responsibility. Gather the strength to sit him down and tell him, something is missing Start by sharing your sense of desperation and loneliness with him. Then suggest the two of you get into some marriage counseling...asap. And please understand, we can't give you the right words or strength to make your marriage work..it has to come from within you. There are some underlying, problems in your marriage, hun---big ones. You have just been denying it. You would never have started an affair, otherwise. There is always hope for your marriage to get back on track but you need to find out 'why' you had an affair, on the man you have been married to, for 17 years. If you want to be with your husband, I feel it is time to get closer to him and empower yourself and gain the confidence and strength to say 'goodbye' to your lover, forever. It will take time and hard efforts. Begin by telling your lover..it's over and stick to it, no matter how weakened you feel. If you can't do this, then leave this marriage and give your husband a chance to eventually find another woman who can be true to him and love him in the way he deserves. It's your choice.
A
male
reader, PAeng +, writes (22 August 2007):
My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. I try to be the best husband I can, cleaning, cooking, bringing home the money, listening to her, everything...
She started a relationship with a co-worker and I caught her before she did more than kiss him. We are working through it but the worst part is when I confronted her, she lied until I showed her my proof. I think you need to let your husband know that this has been going on but it will stop. The biggest problem ends up being trust and when you continue to lie about things that makes it harder to fix. My wife told me she lied because she didnt want to hurt me... Then why did you do it? I still didnt get my answer. Please dont put your husband through the same thing I am going through.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Imagine the day you get caught by your husband. What will it be like ? What will happen? What will each day after be like?
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A
male
reader, AndyL  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Hi, dear!
Hey I can see that you're in a big trouble...
You want to do the right thing, but have another feeling to this guy (the other man).
I think it's a kind difficult to answer with complete words only with fast answer here...
If you trust me, you can add me on Yahoo messenger: my id is acruzli
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): When people justify how everything is great ("I have the best husband in the world", "I have been happily married", "I want for nothing") followed by something that can only be seen has having big problems it is always obvious that there is a lot more going on than the author has been able to admit to.
I don't really know what kind of advice you are expecting to get but it would seem to be that you need to acknowledge that your marriage, and your husband, arn't providing everything you need. This is obvious because if they did, you wouldn't be seeking it elsewhere.
If you have no idea why you have been behaving this way then perhaps you need to talk through it with a therapist?
I'm sure they will be able to identity something that you haven't so that you can better understand why you have made these choices.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): You are bored because you have everything you want. You are gambling to make your life more exciting. Sit quietly and think how you would feel if your husband was unfaithful to you. Imaging him making love to someone else. Hands on her breasts, everywhere, really enjoying himself.... Does that feel good to you? What you can only imagine, is in fact TRUE, except it is you that is being unfaithful.
How cruel and unkind to put yourself right ahead of him, how can you be so smug. You are betraying him, the one person in the world who really loves you and proves it every day. Just for sex. How shallow, just like an animal. You have reason, unlike an animal, so start thinking about what is missing in your life.
Other people don't provide the answer, you do. It is not other people who can fill that void unless you are very superficial. There is something that you should be doing with your life and are not. Use your brain to work out what that is and stop playing with other peoples feelings to compensate yourself for not developing yourself and for being a silly bored woman. There are plenty of people on this site who would adore to be as lucky as you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Get a grip woman. You aren't some feather on the wind. You are a grown woman, get yourself under control or you'll lose everything you hold dear. You had a severe lapse of judgement, don't let it happen again.
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