A
female
age
36-40,
*ink_Star
writes:I have been having an affair with a married man for nearly a year now, I am a single girl and this just started as a bit of fun, but in the last few months he has been telling me that he is so in love with me . He has been married for a year and a half and has been with his wife for 8 years in total. He has confided in me that he was pressurized into getting married and also into having a child who is 6 months old. He tells me he wishes he had met me before he got married as he wants to be with me so much. We are great together and it seems so right and that we are meant to be. I have never felt this way about anyone before and although I know what I'm doing Is wrong and completely unfair to his wife and child I just can't stop myself I feel addicted to him. I know he loves his wife and they haven't had sex in 10 months. I would never ever try and make him leave his wife but obviously I can't live like this forever, we were discussing this the other day and he said you never know what's round the corner. I just don't know what to do I love him so much but I don't want anyone to get hurt.
View related questions:
affair, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): "...Marriage without heart is an arranged marriage, it's a lifeless marriage that you force yourself to stay in year after year, decade after decade, just so you can say you are obeying the rules and fulfilling obligations...."This is utter bull.Sometimes arranged marriages can be the happiest, most content and most loving marriages.If this married man wants another woman he needs to divorce his wife first. LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): as you know you are doing wrong then why you are cheating yourself. be practical and realistic. leave this man at once he is just making double cross with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Many marriages are mistakes. I don't believe that marriage should be the only life-altering thing that you don't get any second chances on if you make a mistake. Divorce can really be a blessing. I think it's very possible his marriage was a mistake. He just needs to "man up" and admit it and correct it via getting a divorce.Marriage should be about your heart not just about your head! Marriage without heart is an arranged marriage, it's a lifeless marriage that you force yourself to stay in year after year, decade after decade, just so you can say you are obeying the rules and fulfilling obligations. Meanwhile your soul dies inside of you. Or you live in constant torment wanting to be with someone else.Being married to someone because it's the right thing to do because of pressure and now because of a kid, while your heart longs for someone else, is a crap marriage.Marriage should be about love. If there is love, the duty and obligation will follow and will be joyful because it is to someone you love. Duty and obligation to someone you don't want to be with, is a prison life sentence and leads to all kinds of toxic dynamics within the marriage that tears the family down rather than makes it into a haven.He felt pressured to get married because he had already been "with" his girlfriend for a long time. This is very common, more common than you might think. Many women are master emotional manipulators and will guilt a boyfriend into marrying them saying they are horrible people if they don't marry them. And if the boyfriend is a 'nice' guy he may well marry her even if he doesn't want to , but because he doesn't want to be responsible for ruining a woman's life by blocking her life goals of getting married and having a family. This is do-able until he meets someone that he actually wants to be with but now can't....So I believe it can be very true that he regrets marrying her and having a kid with her.But the point is that he did marry her. so he needs to sort his head out and sort his life out. If he loves you and wants to be with you, there is no reason he shouldn't or can't be with you. He just needs to have the guts to announce to the world that he doesn't want to be married to this woman that he only married due to pressure. Because that is the truth. Divorce exists for a reason. One reason is to avoid or end situations like yours (affairs).
...............................
A
female
reader, Hayori18 +, writes (3 March 2011):
Good and always remember to stay faithful. Married don't need to be on ur list at all!!!!!! And who is to say he wouldn't of cheated on u as well. Once a cheater always a cheater.
...............................
A
male
reader, SoccerJosh  +, writes (2 March 2011):
Bottom line, hes married and has a child. you getting involved is hurting all of you, especially the baby. Sooner or later the truth will come out and most likely his child will grow up without a father. The fact that he hasn't had sex in 10 months with his wife is just as much his fault as it is hers. Or perhaps its more his fault when you figure that 10 months ago his wife was about 5 months pregnant and starting to show. Maybe she started feeling self conscious about her weight and he wasn't very supportive? He needs to be a man in the relationship and comfort his family not you. Maybe if he spent a little less time with you and more time with his family their wouldn't be an issue.Let me recap something, He's married and has a child yet he is talking to you. Lets just say he gets gets a divorce or whatever and then starts up a relationship with you.... How will you know that hes not talking behind your back with some other girl??? you wont and you cant trust that he wont bc hes talking to you right now behind his wife! If he believes that the grass is greener on the other side now; then he'll believe it while hes with you... Once a cheat always a cheat... P.S. "you never know what around the corner?" the answer to that is Karma. ... Don't be foolish, listen to your conscience and leave. There's plenty of fish in the ocean, find one with some morals... I can tell you're better than this... We both can ... Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I used to fall for that sort of thing a lot. It's always a lie you know, and definitely not a white one. I guess in a way I never even realized what I was doing until one such wife bitch-slapped me in a supermarket.
Stay away, don't even try to pursue it with this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pink_Star +, writes (2 March 2011):
Pink_Star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank everyone for their answers I think I'm just going to stop the whole thing, I was following my heart instead of my head
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Yep you totally suckered for the oldest line in the book. Wake up and smell the coffee, Sweet Cheeks. Tell him it's either you or the wife and see him run away as fast as his little cheater legs can take him.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (1 March 2011):
 " I can't live like this forever, we were discussing this the other day and he said you never know what's round the corner. I just don't know what to do I love him so much but I don't want anyone to get hurt."
But you do know whats in the other corner a wife and a child. He is married and eventually someone is going to be hurt either you or his wife. Man always lie about not having sex with thier wife that they are in a loveless, sexless marriage and believe me when I say this its all a lie because if it wasn't he would have walked out tens months ago when his wife stop having stop with him.
Cheaters will always say what the person wants to hear, they are great manipulator. If he really loved you he would sacrifice his marriage because thats what love is. Love is sacrifices, patience, forgivness, and Love for only that person. The only person that the cheaters love is themselves.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): You are foolish and naïve to believe no one will get hurt.
You AND your married man will devastate his wife.
Oh well u don't know what around the corner: perhaps he will spin the same sh1t for months/ years to come or he will have some backbone and do the right thing.
Personally he should divorce his wife: she has suffered anough already. Don't you think?
Be careful though: once he leaves his wife for you, there's a vacancy for another mistress.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, Flashtony +, writes (1 March 2011):
He was married when you met him and that was wrong of him, divorce happens for many reasons... He has a young child and that puts pressure on a marriage, seeing you may be his way of releiving some of that, you need to stay out of the marriage, if he chooses to end it that's his choice. Tell him you love him and want both of you to be happy. He has to decide i's you or his marriage, deceit is always wrong.
...............................
|
