A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a really hard time moving on from my ex-boyfriend but I don't think it's normal or healthy because it's been a year and a half since he broke up with me. We dated for 2 years while he was in the military. He wanted me to move to a different state and marry him. We had never had that great of a relationship, there were a lot of fights where he always made me out to be the 'bad guy' no matter what the situation. He talked down to me a lot and as a whole I can easily say I wasn't happy in the relationship. I also wasn't done with my education so I told him getting married and moving wasn't possible at that point in my life. About 2 months after I said no, he became very distant and soon broke up with me. He placed a lot of the blame on the fact that we were so far away (we were on opposite ends of the country). He kept saying long distance was too hard and he wasn't happy.He is done with his military contract and is now dating a girl in another country!! I think that is adding to my pain since he is willing to be in a long distance relationship with her but was quick to throw ours away when I wouldn't move for him. A friend of mine pointed out that he may be involved in another long distance relationship since it's not 'real' for him. He doesn't have to do as much work or be as involved if he was to date a girl from the same area.He and I haven't spoken in months and he's blocked from facebook and my phone (he used to drunk call me a lot). Despite not having contact, I still think about him every day and miss him. I'm currently dating another guy and while it's not a serious relationship I feel like it should be enough to distract my thoughts from my old boyfriend.Why is it taking me so long to get over someone who wasn't that great of a boyfriend in the first place?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering, your responses truly mean a lot to me and have helped me realize it's in the past and I am strong enough to move on without him. I sincerely wish the best for all of you !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): It's hard for the mind to accept failure. You see your broken relationship as some sort of failure; so you ruminate on the past life you spent with him. "What ifs" and those "why didn't I's!"They will always plague you. Wondering how things should have been, or could have been. That's all a part of human emotion. Regrets, second-guessing, and denial.There was a good point in that relationship. Your mind will always cling to those good memories, and try to fill in the blanks that were once dreams you had; that included that person. Well, you're now living in the present. All that is left of him in it, is the memory that you refuse to let go of.The dude is some other woman's problem now. Stop kicking your heart around. You're lucky enough to have someone who wants to have it.We reminisce about loves long lost for years to come. We hear of their accomplishments, and the other people who took our places. Does it mean they were better off without us? Seriously!? Who cares? The important thing is, we will realize that we are better off without them; once we put them in the past where they belong. Naturally, we'll second-guess decisions made; and wonder if we were correct. The outcome would not have been the same if we were still there. The events that lead up to where they are now, are based on us being out of the picture.We are destined to something just as good, or better. So that is where you should be focusing your attention! Your future and happiness began when you met someone else. Don't screw it up!Pondering the "what if's" will make you digress or relapse, when you've come so far in moving on. If you really had a place in your heart for him, what you're feeling is truly natural. Forgive yourself. You do realize that he wasn't that great anyway. That doesn't mean your feelings weren't real.I just heard that my ex is now dating again. We broke up in April of this year. It was a tough journey to where I am now, and that news did hit me. It should affect me to some degree; because I am a person with feelings. It just wasn't meant to be, and there is always something better on the horizon. He's not the only one who will find someone else.I will to. He himself told me I deserve better. I'm going to run with that. I didn't need him to tell me that anyway. You are going through your final stages of detachment and recovery. You prolong your getting over him by dwelling on the past. There is nothing you can do about it. He found someone else, and it is what it is. He's a closed chapter. Now focus on the new guy who has entered your life; trusting and believing that he's the must important fella to you right now. That's all on you sister.The other guys in our lives have moved on without us. Lets show them we can too!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Because you don't want to move on. Its as simple as that. You are stubbornly romanticizing a broken, unhealthy, unhappy relationship and you refuse to let go of it even though you know the guy was a jerk. You were in a relationship that was wrong for you on so many levels and you still refuse to learn from that. You have been given a new lease of life by getting this asshat away from your life. Cherish that. Stop being silly and crying over someone who doesn't deserve you in the least.
Respect yourself.
Love yourself.
If you don't, then nobody else will.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 November 2013):
 First off, you were with him for two years. When a relationship lasts that long, it's not surprising that you think about the person from time to time, even well after it has ended. If you're in your early twenties I'm guessing he was one of your first serious relationships and that will give the entire relationship greater significance to you as well.
The fact that he treated you like crap doesn't automatically make you less likely to think about him, at least in my own experience. Minute for minute I have probably spent more time thinking about exes who weren't good to me than exes I still hold in pleasant regard. Mainly I wonder what I ever saw in them and why my self-esteem used to be low enough to convince me I didn't deserve better than that. But there's also something about being treated badly that makes you want to be more of this or better at that, to win the person's approval. People who aren't good to you can really get under your skin in that way, and it's possible you're still dealing with the emotional aftereffects from the old relationship.
My advice to you would be to stay "no contact" with him and take things slowly in your new relationship. You may never completely forget about this ex but I promise you will get to a point where you think of him and it's "yeah, whatever, that guy" with no real interest or emotions attached. Time takes the edge off just about everything.
Good luck and best wishes as you move forward to brighter things :)
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