| Latest articles: How pornographic material affects relationships
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 March 2011: I want to weigh in on the debate that keeps coming up. My partner used to want me to imagine other girls during sex and I was never comfortable with this. In the end I agreed to try it out to help please her. I was always thinking of her though. I...
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Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 9 September 2011: Thankyou for all the support :) Lately things have been really good between us. Save for the fact that she was putting me down and making me feel depressed with the parting shots about how I'm not cool enough, I'm not smart enough, I am too skinny ... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 15 August 2011: OK I cannot deny what you are saying. It is playing with fire and I don't know where all her hate comes from. Certainly I don't want it directed at me. Agreed that the family doesn't want to lose face. Even though I have only been in China for 2 ... (read in full...)
It started as a joke but things have changed
Q. Hi guys. so I have a problem and really need advice because its eating me up completely! so im 21 and im a student. and me and a friend were on an online dating website about a week ago just looking and we decided to make me a profile. I gave a f...
A. 15 August 2011: Well, how far from the truth is your profile? I imagine that now you are both talking, you've shared a lot more details than were put up on your profile. So he already knows more of the truth.
I wouldn't tell him outright just yet that you lied... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 15 August 2011: Umm it's getting worse... now she is messaging me and saying stuff like, "these days u were like a baby..mother forgives u, ok, ".....
I'm really creeped out right about now.... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 15 August 2011: janniepeg: thanks again for your input to the questions. I have lost the trust with her now. I think that's going to be permanent. I'm waiting for her to come back. She twisted it around on me and tried to make out like I was the one being immature. ... (read in full...)
Will I ALWAYS be single?
Q. I am 28 and I only had sex with one man (we had a short relationship when I was 23 - he was 50). He broke my heart very bad. I haven't been able to be in a relationship ever since, just online flirting which turned out it lead to nothing serious. ...
A. 14 August 2011: I agree with the others. If you have been recently hurt, then it's difficult to move on. After all the turmoil of my relationship and even after getting married, it looks like my partner has decided to end it. She was my first also. Lucky you don't ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to be with somebody who treats me like this but am shocked and numb!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are 35. When we dont agree on things I prefer to agree to differ but he gets verbally abusive and swears and calls me a f*ing idiot. I find that so offensive. None of his family swear. He gets angry when he dr...
A. 14 August 2011: I absolutely agree with all of the answers! It's only a matter of time before the verbal abuse turns physical. He has demonstrated a lack of empathy for you and you don't want that in your life.
I have just recieved the death blow to my marriage... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 14 August 2011: janniepeg thankyou!!!
I'm in a mess at this moment. Where to start, the so-called wife decided to send me a bunch of text messages that have pretty much told me to get lost. Should have seen this coming two years ago. Her mother accident... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 12 August 2011: Further, despite telling me in a cruel way that she has never met a man as stupid as me before, she later tried to apologise for her temper and said that I don't need to change myself and she loves me for who I am.
Up and down, hot and cold. Lo... (read in full...)
Am I just thinking too much and putting us both under too much pressure?
Q. I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my ...
A. 12 August 2011: Actually I just read something which made me sit and recall what was said to me recently. I am strongly inclined to believe the reason she feels bored when she kisses me is because she has lost all emotional and physical connection to me. We have ... (read in full...)
How can I solve this situation with my wife without it ending up in divorce?
Q. The wife has been getting a bit crabby lately because of her work schedule. She's a tour guide and they are paying her less money now for the same number of hours. She's picking on me every spare minute she can: i'm sick at the moment with the flu ...
A. 13 June 2011: Thanks Dodds!! If you're willing to, I'd like to discuss these problems further with you.
As I mentioned, she never got over the fact that I moved out for a day and was lining up another girl to replace her. It was when I reached the very bottom a... (read in full...)
Thinking that my wife was cheating on me, I did it too. I regret it now...how can I get her back?
Q. I need help! Ive been married for four years to my beautiful and amazing wife. But . we there was a time in our marriage that i didn't pay any attention to her, or make any effort for her, i completely took her for granted. ... i e...
A. 13 June 2011: Hold on a muinute. Let's address the issues one at a time. You are quick to blame yourself but do not forget what your 'lovely wife' did to you by cheating on you. OK when a partner treats you badly, you have a choice. You can stay and work things ... (read in full...)
How can I solve this situation with my wife without it ending up in divorce?
Q. The wife has been getting a bit crabby lately because of her work schedule. She's a tour guide and they are paying her less money now for the same number of hours. She's picking on me every spare minute she can: i'm sick at the moment with the flu ...
A. 12 June 2011: Well, solved the problem of her not coming home early. And yes I was right that she was going to go out with her friends and not bother to let me know and just have me believe she is out driving until late (yeah right). She is smarter now and ... (read in full...)
I'm so torn. She flirts 24.7. I really care about her. Is there any way to deal with this instead of breaking up?
Q. what should i do? i have been with this girl for nearly a year, she's my first everything, and i love her so much. I honestly do care about her. she feels the same way and we always talk about how we want a future together. we never fight or ...
A. 9 April 2011: OK Let's address the issues at play here. Yes, it's a bit disrespectful for her to be flirting so openly to other guys. But you need to assess her behaviour in context. Is she actually going out with these guys? What's the nature and frequenc... (read in full...)
How pornographic material affects relationships
Q. I want to weigh in on the debate that keeps coming up. My partner used to want me to imagine other girls during sex and I was never comfortable with this. In the end I agreed to try it out to help please her. I was always thinking of her though. I...
A. 9 April 2011: I would describe her as terribly insecure, strong-willed, at times selfish and very very jealous. I'm beginning to think that this comes with the territory of being with a Chinese woman. Still, she is very independent and fails to realise the valu... (read in full...)
Do you have any advice for someone who is separated from their loved one because of work?
Q. I am very concerned about how much time I crave to be with my partner. Her job as an international guide makes it difficult for us to have any time to see each other. She is always overseas, out with friends or at the office. She is pressed for t...
A. 8 April 2011: Well, I haven't had the chance to talk about some of the things you mentioned. She did witness her father walking out on her mother often. He would stay out overnight with friends drinking and gambling and then return in the morning to sleep all ... (read in full...)
How do you get away from a manipulator?
Q. How do you get away from a manipulator? My bf and I have been together over 2 years. Its long distance as he lives in the states. We met online and its definitely been a roller coaster from the jump. He's "cheated" on me with many other women on...
A. 8 April 2011: I think you know the answer in your heart. You must cut off all contact with him in order to move on. That's ridiculous of him to think he can use you (yes he is using you). Meanwhile he plays around with other girls. That's the ultimate disresp... (read in full...)
How pornographic material affects relationships
Q. I want to weigh in on the debate that keeps coming up. My partner used to want me to imagine other girls during sex and I was never comfortable with this. In the end I agreed to try it out to help please her. I was always thinking of her though. I...
A. 6 April 2011: @Ambassadeur Koko: Thanks for the reply. Your point is very valid. But what do you do when you have such a high sex drive and your partner is always overseas. I only get to see her for a couple of days in between her time spent taking tours ... (read in full...)
I don't feel physically attracted to my boyfriend anymore!
Q. I have been with my partner a year and we don't have sex anymore. see each other everyday as we live down the road, except for holidays were we return home from Uni.The no sex is down to me i try and talk about it with him and apologised for not ...
A. 31 March 2011: You need to think back to the time when you were in the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship. What originally made you feel attracted to him?? Can you work on getting that back? You need time to think about the qualities you see in him that are ... (read in full...)
Am I still being played by my tourism employed fiance?
Q. Thanks for the help you guys have provided in previous threads. I think that I suffer from jealousy a lot of the time. The stuff with that married guy turned out to be nothing. They don't communicate with each other anymore. But I still have thing...
A. 19 March 2011: Thanks for your reply. One thing can be established, I'm the sort of person that doesn't just want to chill at home (despite her observations of that too). I want more 'us' time going outside and doing things together :-/ Basically, when she gets ... (read in full...)
Concerned about fiance's relationship with a co-worker
Q. I just found out that my fiancee has been more than a little friendly with a married male work colleague. I always assumed their chats were fairly innocent seeing as they didn't communicate that often. But I did some snooping and I was shocked at ...
A. 9 February 2011: OK! So going out with others is not something that constitutes cheating. But the two strikes is exactly what I am thinking. Update on things: I followed Abella's advice and sure enough found that nothing appeared to be wrong. Or so I thought! ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up saying he is bored of me
Q. Hello All, Ok, so today my boyfriend told me that he doesn't love me anymore and that he is bored of me... while 2 days prior he said i love you,and just the night before was cuddling me in bed.. He was planning on moving in in 2 weeks, and all his ...
A. 9 February 2011: Quite a predicament. He is addicted to porn? That's not healthy and won't do the relationship any good. I understand you are hurting but you need to realise that while this is happening, you cannot be around him.
You may have to face the reality ... (read in full...)
Concerned about fiance's relationship with a co-worker
Q. I just found out that my fiancee has been more than a little friendly with a married male work colleague. I always assumed their chats were fairly innocent seeing as they didn't communicate that often. But I did some snooping and I was shocked at ...
A. 7 February 2011: Well, I followed Abella's advice and I believe her about her work colleague but I am uncomfortable that their friendship has got him helping her out with her itinerary whilst she was overseas on her other tour. She's so lucky to be going to the ... (read in full...)
Concerned about fiance's relationship with a co-worker
Q. I just found out that my fiancee has been more than a little friendly with a married male work colleague. I always assumed their chats were fairly innocent seeing as they didn't communicate that often. But I did some snooping and I was shocked at ...
A. 30 January 2011: Abella: Thankyou so much for your advice!! I am going to follow that approach and see how things go. I'm disappointed and frankly disgusted that she would keep going with a married man. It doesn't speak volumes to her character now.
For the reco... (read in full...)
Am I just demanding too much from her?
Q. In April, my fiancee and I will finally travel to Australia to marry. She is Chinese. My time here in China has been OK. But, there is something which is seriously pushing me away. She hasn't done her overseas work for about 6 months which is ...
A. 18 January 2011: Denise, Thankyou so much for that advice. It's oh so true that I often run into the trap of not communicating effectively. It doesn't help that we are from 2 completely different cultures and that sometimes her English leaves me wondering what she's ... (read in full...)
I think a LDR will ruin our relationship but my fiance wants to chase good money in australia.
Q. Dealing with this exhausting situation? My heart is being ripped apart. I've lost my job and my fiancee is trying to push me to go back home to establish a good career 6 months before she emigrates to Australia. I don't want us to be apart. It is s...
A. 4 January 2011: There's still a lot of opportunities here for my job. I'm not listening to my parents who vehemently disapprove my decision to stay. Even my fiancee is conviced that after going through several jobs I mustn't be suited to teaching. I understand her ... (read in full...)
In a LDR and I don't like how I'm getting sexual relief and don't want to tell him either. But I do want to stop. But how?
Q. My boyfriend is abroad..and would remain so for another year. We have made out 3-4 times in person. And now we maintain touch through video chats, emails, sms etc. We continue our physical bonding also by doing it together either on voice or cam. ...
A. 3 January 2011: By the title of the question I began to worry. Do not be so concerned! It's entirely natural and I think your partner will understand. He may want to participate in the dirty talking a lot more with you if he knows it is helping you.
I applaud ... (read in full...)
Is it true all men want to cheat?
Q. I got in a disagreement earlier with my mom and brother that really made me upset. I won't go into how we got onto this subject, but my mom and brother were telling me that all men cheat or want to cheat, and that for me to believe otherwise is ...
A. 17 October 2010: Don't always listen to advice from the biased. My SO has been burnt in the past too. So her view is that all men cheat. This really angered and upset me when she directed at me!
At the end of the day, I also believe in self-control. No bloody w... (read in full...)
We had sex, he came in me, and I tried to wash it out. Will that work?
Q. hey i need help well my boyfriend cum in me and i dnt know what to do, im really scard . it happen today and i when in bath and whased it out, well i tryed, so wat i do. xx...
A. 13 October 2010: You need the morning after pill. Make sure you take proper precautions next time and use at the very least condoms.... (read in full...)
Should I stay with the husband who has fallen out of love or go?
Q. I loved my life in the US, had a fantastic job... met the love of my life and moved to England to be with him. We were able to see each other only for a couple of weeks every 3 months, and got married whilst I was still in the US. We joked abo...
A. 12 October 2010: OK this is difficult to answer without knowing a bit more about the circumstances of your relationship. How long did you know each other before getting married?
Did you live together full time first?
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that he has trea... (read in full...)
She's leaving me because I have too many health problems!
Q. I eventually told my gf about the previous operations I had as a child because she would have seen the scars anyway. The problem is that she cannot seem to properly accept the act that I had the operations (adeniods removed, 1/2 left kidney take...
A. 11 October 2010: Also, it's true that this society is very materialistic. I have the patience to keep teaching her through lessons that there are people less fortunate in life.
It's encouraging to hear her say that she feels like other guys couldn't love her as m... (read in full...)
She's leaving me because I have too many health problems!
Q. I eventually told my gf about the previous operations I had as a child because she would have seen the scars anyway. The problem is that she cannot seem to properly accept the act that I had the operations (adeniods removed, 1/2 left kidney take...
A. 11 October 2010: And looking around for someone else? Uh, what's the point of living together, meeting the parents and trying to be in an exclusive relationship?
It's downright BS to be looking around or something better when you're already in a committed relation... (read in full...)
She's leaving me because I have too many health problems!
Q. I eventually told my gf about the previous operations I had as a child because she would have seen the scars anyway. The problem is that she cannot seem to properly accept the act that I had the operations (adeniods removed, 1/2 left kidney take...
A. 11 October 2010: OK! Firstly, we aren't planning to stay in China. We're off to Australia next year. My health is really OK. Apart from the fact that I cannot play contact sports (including karate or kung fu - something she wants to learn and wanted to learn ... (read in full...)
Was my relation flirting with me?
Q. I'm not sure what this means. I was at a family party recently, and one of my relations winked at me a few times and got me up dancing with him a few times. It just seemed strange because he was a relation. what do you think?...
A. 5 September 2010: OK I wouldn't take it too seriously. How old is he?
I see nothing wrong with it. I've danced with my female relatives (including a cousin) at a party when I was younger and it meant nothing at all. Just a bit of fun.
Take it easy!... (read in full...)
I have been putting up with my wife's nonsense for far too long!
Q. I met this beautiful girl i thought i loved, adored and cherish, would do absolutely anything for her... worst decision of my life. even during our 1st years we had fights and arguments. But always thought it resulted due to her past experiences in ...
A. 28 June 2010: OMG! You are describing my current gf... she also has the definite mood swings and her comments last night almost caused me to pack my bags and leave.
I guess I should take this as a forewarning.... (read in full...)
I have caught my girl cheating three times!
Q. my girl has been cheating on me, i have caught her more than three time now, she saying that she will not do it again but she keep liyimg to me , im fed up ,what do i do? [Mod note: text was edited for clarity. I hope I got it right.]...
A. 28 June 2010: Firstly, tell me how long have you been together? The fact that you don't want to leave suggests serious self-esteem and attachment issues.
A relationship is built on trust. When that is violated, it's hard to get it back. It's possible for a ma... (read in full...)
Boyfriends/Girlfriends/Husbands/Wives of international tour guides?
Q. How do you deal with your partner being away from home so often? My gf has just launched her career as an international guide and already her schedule is so full that she is lucky to spend 1 day at home every week. Understandably I'm quite upset ...
A. 28 June 2010: Yes I have heard of that crap happening. And actually would explain why she is reluctant to let anyone she works with know that she has a bf.
After all, when she goes away we stay in contact everyday and she always messages that she misses m... (read in full...)
How do you handle your partner spending so much time away?
Q. This is a question for those people who have a tour guide boy/girlfriend or husband/wife. My girlfriend is an international tour guide and I'm dealing with a situation where she is only at home for about 7 or 8 days before she heads off on her...
A. 11 June 2010: Absolutely. I don't really consider it a long distance relationship of sorts anymore. Because we spend as much time as possible together when she is around. She only goes overseas once or twice a month. Yes that sounds like a lot but actually the ... (read in full...)
How do you handle your partner spending so much time away?
Q. This is a question for those people who have a tour guide boy/girlfriend or husband/wife. My girlfriend is an international tour guide and I'm dealing with a situation where she is only at home for about 7 or 8 days before she heads off on her...
A. 11 June 2010: OK I think I was jumping the gun on the thinking about shared interests thing. After all, opposites do indeed attract and we accept our individual interests and pursuits. I'm a bookish person - slowly changing to be more outgoing thanks to my job as ... (read in full...)
How do you handle your partner spending so much time away?
Q. This is a question for those people who have a tour guide boy/girlfriend or husband/wife. My girlfriend is an international tour guide and I'm dealing with a situation where she is only at home for about 7 or 8 days before she heads off on her...
A. 11 June 2010: @chigirl
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. We've already been through the long distance stage last year before I came to China to be with her. Now we are living together and planning a good future.
I understand and respect her work... (read in full...)
What do I do? Everything seems to be falling apart, in spite of how much I love her...
Q. Hitting a very rough patch :( This is more of an account than an actual question but I'll appreciate any feedback that can be given. So I've reached a point where my gf is having serious doubts about our future together which is really saddening...
A. 29 April 2010: @chigirl
Thanks - making a final stand might be the answer. I think we should make clear the directions we want to go in and that she needs to come to grips with who I am (this is going to need more maturity on her part). After all, it doesn't ... (read in full...)
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