A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner a year and we don't have sex anymore. see each other everyday as we live down the road, except for holidays were we return home from Uni.The no sex is down to me i try and talk about it with him and apologised for not giving him enough sex. He says not to worry he knows i have alot on with work and uni. I never feel physically attracted to him anymore. We have tried role play and even watch naughty films together which has ended in sex but not the desire for it. I thought this was just through my stress and anxiety making my sex drive low but i have started talking to men on chat rooms to heighten my self esteem and this has turned me on and made me actually desire sex. I don't know what to do as he is the perfect partner, treats me well, we are like best friends and he is beautiful but i just can't get turned on for him and desire him like we used too.This is having an effect on him too as he is constantly asking if i am still attracted to him as a result.
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best friend, chat room, self esteem, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Reply to answers:
Well, i'm not the only one who tells white lies to their partner to not hurt their feelings. I can't say not as much as that would crush his feelings. I am attracted to him emotionally, we can talk about anything and i am so myself. Even uncomfortable topics of the past we can talk or joke about.
I will definitely think about all the things i am attracted to him for mentally and physically. I know the talking to other men online is wrong and will stop from now. I will try and address the issue with him as constructively as possible but don't know where to start?
I know all the reasons i love and adore him but how do i explain this all to him in a constructive way?
A
female
reader, KITcAThottie  +, writes (31 March 2011):
I think you should talk to him and try to put more desire back in your sex life more excitement
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A
male
reader, soul83  +, writes (31 March 2011):
You need to think back to the time when you were in the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship. What originally made you feel attracted to him?? Can you work on getting that back?You need time to think about the qualities you see in him that are truly worth holding onto. Attraction usually starts off in the 'lust' or 'honeymoon' stage of the relationship. This is fine for the short term.But in the longer term, what works with many couples in long term relationships is a deeper love that leads to a deeper, more meaningful attraction. It's when you can open yourself up to your partner and feel secure with them. Then love-making takes on a different, more meaningful purpose.There's no easy answer for your waning interest but it's certainly not helping that you are starting to look around and cheat on him (yes you are by chatting up other men). Everyone goes through the rocky periods where they think about whether or not their partner is right for them. Usually what prevents us from straying is realising what we could lose or the enormous love that still exists.I suggest you take some time to reassess your feelings about him and think about what it is that you really love about him. Do you see him as your true future? Could you eventually marry him? Have you asked yourself the bigger questions?Because once you have a deep-seated desire to spend the long term with him, then you will develop the security to move forward in the relationship and take it to the next level.Focus on the things that turn you on and try to communicate that to your partner. Maybe he can try out something you have always fantasised about. Try to find a way to CONSTRUCTIVELY and carefully talk about the things you really desire. I say carefully so you don't damage his ego or make him feel worthless.Good luck and I hope you take the time to think about the damage you could cause him if he found out you are looking around. For both of your sakes, try to resolve this so that the anxiety and uncertainty doesn't tear you guys apart. If you feel it's time to move on, then make the decision and stick to it - never string someone along 'until something better comes along!'.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (31 March 2011):
he's perfect yet you dont find him physically attracted? then is he really that perfect. and let me guess when he does ask instead of telling the truth you say you baby your so sexy.. give me a break and give him a break tell him the truth.
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