I'm scared of my abusive boyfriend
Q. Please help I just got beaten very badly and need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He and I have had a completely trustful, honest, supportive relationship. Yet every now and then it can be a verbally abusive ...
A. 18 September 2005: This is what probably will happen. When you have calmed down and are over the shock I would say that you will give him at least one more chance actually I see you giving him lots more chances. In fact you will probably start making excuses for him ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my wife and be with my lover, but I can't leave my kids!
Q. We'll I'm 41 yr. old male, I've been married 14yrs and met a wonderful woman 7yrs ago and have been loving each other for the past 7 yrs. I've lied about being married still over the last 7yrs. I love this woman who's not my wife. I want to leave...
A. 18 September 2005: Aw! Your poor heart must be wrenched in pain
Those two lovely children
You might lose them
Don't even think about them losing a Dad
Your soul mate
Sorry
Your Hole mate
Not your whole mate
Just wait till she finds out
You've been shagging ... (read in full...)
Every time my boyfriend checks out women with big boobs, my heart sinks
Q. I am a small busted woman. I have always wanted bigger ones. My BF's exwife is petite w/ Big Boobs. His 15 yr old daughter has big boobs. When we have sex, foreplay to him is sucking my boobs and he gets aroused by that. That is what turns him on ...
A. 18 September 2005: Eyes on boobs
Heart in boots
Hand in hand
Together
Eyes for you
Heart swells
Love you
... (read in full...)
My husband's religious fervour has driven me away!
Q. My husband has become a Jehovah's Witness and is now totally fanatical about every aspect of it, even though he's only been going for 2-3 months. I couldn't cope so left him as I love everything in life which they don't - which is almost everything ...
A. 18 September 2005: Strong woman
Knows what to do
Her actions wise
Her husband reads
Cult fiction
Weak man
You never knew
Say goodbye
... (read in full...)
I've resorted to snooping around, to find "proof" that my boyfriend is cheating...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. (I'm 20.) I am very insecure about our relationship. I don't even know why. I get so jealous when he text messages other girls that are his friends, that like him or are ex-girlfriends. He doesn't ...
A. 18 September 2005: The green eyed monster wakes us up
and makes us wonder are we good enough
Abandoned
Fear lurks near by holding a sign that says
LONLINESS
We are afraid to look at our reflections
In case our eye balls are green
In case anybody see... (read in full...)
My fiance won't marry me until I'm clinically obese!
Q. I am 24 and my fiance is 28. He has delayed our wedding until I become clinically obese. He said to me that he wants a clinically obese bride (me) at our wedding. I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail. What is going on with him...
A. 18 September 2005: At twenty four
He wants you to be his faithful wife
He wants to fatten you up for the ceromony
He wants you
To get even fatter
You are giving it some thought
You can always eat while you are deciding
You can always go on a diet after th... (read in full...)
How will my girlfriend's kids react when they find out their mum's a lesbian?
Q. I am currently seeing a 32 yr old woman. She is getting a divorce which I am willing to wait. But I am also a female, and she has 2 kids. Her kids are quite mature and loving, and 'Kerry' seems to think that they will be OK with it when she eventual...
A. 18 September 2005: People do what they feel they have to do for whatever reason
Children put up with what they have to put up with
We all make mistakes
Sometimes it's hard to know what to do
Our children are our future
Children like the rest of us learn acceptan... (read in full...)
How will my girlfriend's kids react when they find out their mum's a lesbian?
Q. I am currently seeing a 32 yr old woman. She is getting a divorce which I am willing to wait. But I am also a female, and she has 2 kids. Her kids are quite mature and loving, and 'Kerry' seems to think that they will be OK with it when she eventual...
A. 18 September 2005: People do what they feel they have to do for whatever reason
Children put up with what they have to put up with
We all make mistakes
Sometimes it's hard to know what to do
Our children are our future
Children like the rest of us learn acceptan... (read in full...)
I'm seeing (and sleeping with) two different guys. Do I need to tell each of them about the other?
Q. I am 48 - Divorced twice and 6 months ago ended a 5 year relationship. Started dating again 5 months ago. He is a great guy, and I really feel for him, but have kept my feelings to myself. We have slept together, and it is wonderful; however,...
A. 17 September 2005: Be honest from the very start, remember you cannot go back and do it again.... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my husband who is a good, kind man. Do want to hook up with my toyboy!
Q. I am a 42 year old married woman. I have fallen in love with a man 16 years my junior and he loves me too. We don't know what to do about it. I can't bear the thought of him being with anyone else, but neither of us wants to hurt my husband who is a ...
A. 17 September 2005: Answer in a nut shell YOU CAN'T! You said it yoourself you are a married woman! Think back to the vows you made on the day that your husband was the only man in your life. Look at the photos, close your eyes and remember that feeling that you had in ... (read in full...)
I want her back, but she insists that she wants to wait a little until we try again...
Q. I was seeing my girlfriend for about a year and a half. Things went really well initialy and we even decided to move in together. After a few months of living together, she was having spacial problems with me. We tried working things out but ...
A. 17 September 2005: I'm sorry but if I was your girlfriend I would be running away from you too. If you want to save this relationship in some form and don't want to lose her for ever, which I presume you don't as you seem to love her very much, if it is truly love you ... (read in full...)
I'm miserable because the young man I see myself with has already given his virginity away...
Q. I'm 15, gay, and a virgin, and I am saving sex 'til marriage. I believe that I have found someone I truly love dearly.... he's 14... but I can't seem to get over the fact that he has already given his virginity away to someone. It's especially ...
A. 17 September 2005: I really don't mean any offence to you but how can you know you are gay if you have not had sex with either a man or a woman yet. Also 15 is very young to be making up your mind about (a) your sexuality and (b) who you are going to spend the rest ... (read in full...)
I don't want an Open Relationship any more, because I can't bear to think of him with other girls...
Q. My boyfriend recently just went off to college. We decided to have an "open relationship" while he was away, but to get back together whenever he returned home. I realize now that it's too hard for me to know he's getting with other girls and not be ...
A. 17 September 2005: For your sake it would be maybe a good idea if you ended the relationship altogether, and tell him it's all or nothing and that you are sorry. In a way this guy is probably being decent and honest and does not think that he could stay faithful to ... (read in full...)
Am I invisible? Nobody wants to talk to me...
Q. I feel like I am invisible. No one pays any attention to me, my parents are at work constantly, my only brother is horrible to me and goes for days without talking to me. I have no friends cos everyone at school thinks I'm 'stuck up' ( as I hav...
A. 16 September 2005: Stop flicking your hair, smile instead, be nice but not too nice, go shopping, make the most of your good qualities. When you are around other people and want to communicate try to keep your energy in your center (ie. your navel) not in your head, ... (read in full...)
Sex with my older guy isn't as good as sex with a guy my own age!
Q. I've recently started dating a new guy and I really like him. We waited a while before we had sex, as I was with someone else when we met and fell for each other. Now we're together but something isn't as I thought it would be. I'm 18 and my ex...
A. 16 September 2005: I belive that as men get older their hormones level out and they aren't horny all the time as young men are, now this is a generalization, there are always exeptions to the rule. A younger man can get hard much quicker and stay hard longer and ... (read in full...)
We slept together and I fell for him, but now he tells me he's got a girlfriend!
Q. I met this guy about two weeks ago, and we have hung out at his house with some of his friends a couple of times. And the last time we ended up sleeping together, so of course being a girl, I have fallen for him. He's all I think about, but when...
A. 15 September 2005: First of all most teen girls think they are not pretty enough. I'll tell you what I used to do if a guy I was mad about didn't choose me. Rejection has a habit of leaving a nasty memory imprinted on ones mind for life, so I use to create a memory ... (read in full...)
Every time my man acts like my ex, I get flashbacks to that awful relationship!
Q. My man and I are expecting a baby in October. I really love him, but the problem is.....I don't trust him. I was in a very bad previous relationship / marriage. My ex cheated on me for 2 years without me knowing. He would do things like leave at ...
A. 15 September 2005: Okay, I have been in the very same situation, basically you need reassurance from your partner that you are his one and only, you need to accept that YOU ARE INSECURE but that is ok. Who would blame you after being in a bad relationship with a ... (read in full...)
As soon as I sleep with a woman, I'm turned off...
Q. Help! I've slept with 100's of women and I start off really liking them but as soon as I sleep with them that's it. I'm completely turned off. Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I form a serious relationship with one of them??...
A. 15 September 2005: Maybe because you don't really want to! I think this is a case of you living from the waist down and being dead from the waist up. Find a good alternative healer, ie reiki, acupuncture, something. Hope you are keeping your fluids in rubber, what a ... (read in full...)
I fall in love with everyone! Do I just need a boyfriend?
Q. Im only thirteen, and I keep falling in love with everyone! I get really attracted to people. My mum says because I really need a boyfriend and that I'm lonely. Is she right? ...
A. 14 September 2005: I don't think so. At thirteen (or any age for that matter) you don't need a boyfriend, and if you don't feel lonely then you ain't lonely. You are doing great. Doing what every normal healthy young girl does. I used to have a "fancy Book" where I ... (read in full...)
Mum and my husband were having sex! I feel sick!
Q. I am 21 and my new husband is 23. We have been married for 2 weeks now. I came home from work one day to find my husband in bed with my mother kissing and having sex! I can't face either of them and feel sick to the stomach after finding out th...
A. 14 September 2005: Your Mother is the woman who gave birth to you! What the hell was she doing? Was she on drugs? She must have a mental illness then? You will never get over this as long as you live! Move on with your life? How the hell can you do that? How can ... (read in full...)
Guys dump me because of my self-esteem problem. But how do I fix it?
Q. Hi there, I am 29 and single and have realised finally that my self-esteem is incredibly low. I was with an abusive guy for three years, and then he dumped me! We lived together and it took me almost two years to recover. I feel this is not nor...
A. 14 September 2005: There is an absolutely brilliant web site I would recommened to anybody but especially to someone who has a low self esteem, it is by a man who helped to raise my self esteem years ago while I was recovering from a marriage breakup , an abusive ... (read in full...)
After a really bad experience, I lack the confidence to try things in bed to please my fiance!
Q. I could do with a little advice or pointing to some helpful sites. I have a wonderful fiance who I love very much but he feels he's not good enough for me or that I don't find him attractive as I'm too scared to try anything in bed. I was in an ab...
A. 12 September 2005: Talk, Talk, Talk. If your fiance is confident it will be ok. He needs to take the lead here and understand that you have been hurt and he must not take your lack of confidence personally. He needs to start asking you directly when he wants you to do ... (read in full...)
What can I do to start making friends?
Q. How to make more friends? I am a first year student. Now I have few friends. I sometimes feel lonely. What should I do to make more friends? ...
A. 12 September 2005: Take up some extra curricular activities that you will enjoy. Choose a few just to try out and see what you like and what you have time for. Smile lots as this makes you more aproachable to others. Watch your body language as well and avoid crossing ... (read in full...)
When I walked in, a friend was flashing my husband!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have always had a good sex life, and I don't mind him looking at girls, just not touching. We had some friends over one night (a couple) and the girl went to the master bathroom knowing my husband ...
A. 12 September 2005: Oh my God! You can't call this woman a friend! Maybe your husband would like the idea of wife swapping or swinging, or maybe he and she are not strangers in the bedroom. Have you not spoken to your husband about this, was he not shocked? His ... (read in full...)
My fiance cheated on me... with my 17-year-old sister!
Q. I broke up with my fiance about 5 months ago, because I found that he cheated me with my sister. She is only 17!! Six months ago, My fiance and I met my sister by chance. And then I found that he often lied to me,the same as my sister . And ...
A. 12 September 2005: When things like this happen it feels as if the pain is too much to bear. We feel crucified by pain. We wonder how can we go on living and how long can we go on crying. Betrayal or in your case double betrayal scars us for life, accept that as fact ... (read in full...)
Why would God let me fall in love with a guy who's scared to talk to me?
Q. I've been trying to get this guy's attention for over 3 years, and at times I think he likes me, but other times I don't. I'm very confused on why God would let me fall in love with him. I know I have deep feelings here, because one, I've never fe...
A. 12 September 2005: We all have a thing called free will. This means that we have the power of choice. We are not puppets on a string. God does not control us. Stop trying to get over this guy. If you still like him after three years chances are it won't just go away ... (read in full...)
We did..well, almost everything! Now I'm scared I might have caught something!
Q. I gave myself to a guy on the very first time I met him. I mean, not everything but almost. I never gave him everything cos I'm a virgin but it still feels weird. It's not the kind of thing I'd usually do. It's actually the first time I went so far. ...
A. 12 September 2005: Well hopefully you didn't catch anything, but to put your mind at ease go to a family planning clinic in your area and they will screen you for the various STDs. A more important question is as you asked it, why did you do it, when you really had no ... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm in love with someone?
Q. I have a huge dilemma. I am 16 years old. How do you know if you are in love with someone? And what do you do if you have a crush on someone a lot older than you? Please help me! ...
A. 12 September 2005: Love take time to grow, it happens as we get to know another person, we get to know them inside out, when you have rows and made up and been through hard times and good times, and they are like your best friend and your closest companion and the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves the attention from other women! Will he every stop the games?
Q. I am really hoping I can get some advice from a few different people here. My partner and I have been together for 8 months now. We love each other very much and have a great relationship overall. We live together and plan on moving closer to ...
A. 12 September 2005: Well we all love attention from the opposite sex, it reminds us that we are attractive. Also a lot of women know a good thing when they see it. I would hold on to my man if I were you. As he gets older and more mature he will be able to resist the ... (read in full...)
He didn't return my calls. He spent Monday with his ex. Are we finished?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? On Friday last week, my boyfriend promised that we would spend some time together as we have both been busy. On Saturday he turns up and tells me that he can't stay as he has promised his dad that he will help him out ...
A. 12 September 2005: Why does it have to be up to him whether this is the end of the relationship? With the way this guy is messing you around YOU need to be wondering do I want to be in a relationship with this guy? Do you feel like you would not be able to meet ... (read in full...)
Is it fair that he dumped me for sleeping with someone 9 years ago?
Q. My Boyfriend of three years has dumped me. The reason he cited is that I slept with his best friend 9 years ago and he can't cope with that fact. He says I don't understand the male ego. I think that this is deeply unreasonable, what do yo...
A. 12 September 2005: No it doesn't seem like fair play to me. You must be gutted. He might be one of these guy who like to imagine that their girlfriends are are pure as freshly fallen snow, in future remember only to share things about your past that are going to make ... (read in full...)
Should I write and apologise to my ex about the bad way I handled our break-up?
Q. I found some old letters in my stack of books and in them was one from "Jake". We dated 8 years ago when I was 18 for about 3-4 months. He was amazing to me, maybe the nicest bfriend I ever had. We were never intimate with one another, although ...
A. 9 September 2005: Really simple this one, write to him, tell him what happened and whatever else you want to tell him. Then post it to him and do not put a return address on the letter. You could send it by registered post to be sure that he recieves it. That way you ... (read in full...)
I discovered that my boyfriend is a cross-dresser. Now he lies to me about it!
Q. Hi, I’m really confused at the moment and was hoping someone could help me out. I’m in a relationship and have been for about 1 year and 2 months. It was great to start off with but now things are a little shaky. He has two kids (just turned 2 ...
A. 9 September 2005: If cross dressing was not a problem for you he would probably not lie about it, it seems though that it is a problem for him too. It seems as if he is also very much ashamed about what he does. There may be a lesson in acceptance to be learned here. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I have to let him have sex online or he'll go out and cheat in the flesh!
Q. Is Cybersex cheating? My boyfriend (of 4 years) is part of some adult match maker sites and often talks dirty or indulges in cybersex with users of the site. He'd left open some of his messages on the computer that I saw and was not very happy w...
A. 9 September 2005: I checked this one out with my husband to get a male perspective on things and he came up with something that I had not thought of. There seems to be a bit of a question mark around cyber sex. The emotional and mental bond that people make when ... (read in full...)
What is the difference between a "serious girlfriend" and a fiancee?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. 2 months ago, he ask me to marry him, and we became engaged. For a couple of reasons, he decided and I now agree, that we aren't ready for that "next step". Therefore, we have taken a step back ...
A. 9 September 2005: Does your boyfriend believe in marrige? That is the question. Going steady is like an unoffical engagement.
In other words you are commited to staying faithful to each other and getting to know each other intimately, but it is usually not mark... (read in full...)
I've never had an orgasm with my partner!
Q. I am in a very happy relationship of 2 years and have just given birth to our 1st child. My partner and I are best friends and couldn't be happier. The thing is I've never had an orgasm. He's the only person I have ever slept with. He has had othe...
A. 9 September 2005: An orgasm happens on an emotional and mental level before it can be experienced on a physical level. First you have to love yourself, feel all good and comfortable in your skin. Then you have tune in your thoughts, think sexy, as dirty or clean as ... (read in full...)
My wife wants a baby... Will a pregnancy calm down her anger?
Q. Dear Cupid - I remarried 4 yrs ago. My new wife and I decided to move to a new country and set up a business a year ago based on a business plan that we did together. It has suceeded through hard work and we are beginning to see the benefits (new ...
A. 8 September 2005: Stop being a door mat to this woman. Don't get her pregnant and keep her away from your kids until she promises to get some serious help with her behavior. You are being treated badly because you are ALLOWING yourself to be treated this way. Stop ... (read in full...)
I love him and he loves me, so why won't he show any affection to me?
Q. Okay my boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged and what not. I love him with all I have. I have never been so in love with anything or anyone. But here is my problem...I feel that he sees me as more of a friend and not a girlfriend. ...
A. 8 September 2005: If he cares about you really he would show it. And if it is to do with his work ask him what is going to change. Your needs are not being met in this relationship and you need to be asking yourself what you are doing. Why do you love a guy to bits ... (read in full...)
I started to go down on him and he said "Don't bother"...
Q. I just started dating this guy. We fooled around for the first time the other night and when I went down to return the favor he told me not to bother because he's only gotten off twice like that with his ex-girlfriend. I hesitated to ask if he's ...
A. 8 September 2005: When you get to know him better you might feel better about asking him to tell you more, or he might volunteer during a pillow talk session. Maybe his ex was grossed out and he is self conscious, when he gets to know you better he'll be more ... (read in full...)
My trust issues are exacerbated by my husband's behaviour toward me!
Q. After just having read one of your question and answers I am impressed with the responses. I have a similar problem with trust/insecurity issues only I am in my late forties. I didn't feel loved as a child and every man I know or have known, with ...
A. 8 September 2005: A woman needs to feel that they are the only woman that her man has eyes for, that she is a goddess, he lets her know by telling her she is the most beautiful woman in the world and by loving her and making her feel like she is a queen. A man needs ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's sexual abuse still haunts her when we start getting intimate...
Q. Sorry to bother, but I am starting to wonder what I can do to better please my girlfriend. We are both 18 and have been going out for 6 months, but only started having sex recently. She was abused as a child, and the feelings still haunt her. J...
A. 8 September 2005: Your woman is getting pleasure out of sex but you feel she needs to get more, I know that you are thinking of her, but there is a selfish ring to what you say, (I don't mean any offence), think of sex as a way of healing your woman. Everthing, ... (read in full...)
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