| Latest articles: Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
This question has 37 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 September 2010: So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
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He's browsing women's sexy clothing websites!
Q. Hi everyone, I'm the girl that had the boyfriend who wanted a break. Well things haven't gone as far as that but I have found that he has been checking out girls wearing sexy clothes online. He is no way looking at pornography, just girls weari...
A. 17 November 2010: What kind of sites were they? Online stores? Fetish sites?
Sites like Victoria's Secret are just fun to look around, and not ONLY to look at the models but to see what kinds of things are available, what looks good, what's "in", what you might li... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mum I am dating a man 35 years older than me?
Q. I have been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is 35 years older than me. We have a special connection and love spending time together although it tends to be once a week as we both have very busy demanding jobs. I am 24 years old ...
A. 17 November 2010: OP: You'll probably get a lot of negativity from people on this issue. For some reason, society is more accepting of gay couples than it is for straight couples of different ages. Yes, odds are that your relationship won't last as long. But no one ... (read in full...)
How do women define maturity?
Q. Why do women put so much importance on a guy's hobbies and possessions to decide if he is "mature" or not? To me, maturity should have nothing to do with anything as superficial as collecting action figures, reading comics, not owning a car for ...
A. 17 November 2010: Thanks for taking the time to reply to this.
A couple of you said collecting action figures and reading comics were solitary activities that seem anti-social. Well, collecting plants, fine cigars or antiques could be solitary too, but those ju... (read in full...)
My mother is a hoarder!
Q. My mother is a compulsive hoarder. I'm the exact opposite and like to keep everything neat and tidy, but every single room of the house is overtaken with her useless shit. Living in a house full of clutter for most of my life and getting hurt while ...
A. 1 November 2010: Before your house can be fixed, something in your mother has to be fixed as well. In a way, the mess is really a reflection of her problems and mental state. I've learned that even if you totally cleaned up the house of a compulsive hoarder, it ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. I think I want to have sex with a woman!
Q. Hey I'm 19 years old and I think I want to have sex with a woman. I only feel like this when I watch lesbian porn, but when I don't I do NOT think of woman like that, I would rather have sex with a man which I have. But I've been with a woman be...
A. 25 October 2010: Maybe the porn is what's confusing you and messing with your mind. If you have no interest in an actual relationship with a woman, what's the point of going down that path? Lesbian fantasies can be just that -- fantasies. You don't need to indulge ... (read in full...)
Is my husband "too close" to his male friend?
Q. My husband met a Guy while he was overseas. They Guy is in his unit. now they text each other constantly. It was bothering me so I told my husband but it didn't do much good. They still text some through the week and all day on the weekends. The Guy ...
A. 24 October 2010: They could just be having a "bromance". (Ever seen "I Love You Man"?) Doesn't mean anything else is going on. I'm sure if you were very close with a girl friend, you wouldn't appreciate your husband criticizing it.... (read in full...)
I'm scared to death of his penis!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for a little while now, and everything seems so perfect, he's rubbed me a bit down there, and so have i, but i could never rub him bare! i am scared of his penis for some reason and its so hard, he asked if i wanted to ...
A. 24 October 2010: If that's the first time you ever saw one, it's probably normal (either that or his member is frighteningly deformed and he should see a doctor about it). Maybe your reaction is a sign that you shouldn't be doing things with it until you're older.... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 24 October 2010: "I've never, ever, talked to a woman or surveyed a woman who doesn't describe some kind of sting, hurt, betrayal, or some kind of negative reaction when she thinks about her partner using porn or finds it." -- In about ten minutes, I found a number ... (read in full...)
DO women have better sex than men???
Q. My partner was basically saying in not so many words that I should be jealous that women have better sex than men. I.e. better and longer orgasms. I felt quite annoyed about this, as I had never really thought about it until this conversation. No...
A. 23 October 2010: I don't believe that for a second. If women had better sex, it would be obvious as they would want it much more and would pleasure themselves more often than men.... (read in full...)
We want to have sex but what goes where?
Q. I've been going out with the sweetest guy anyone can get and we are starting to think about sleeping together. He isn't pressuring me into doing anything i don't want to because we made a decision on it together and we arranged a date. The thing is ...
A. 23 October 2010: If you're still wondering what goes where, you've got a lot of reading to do and some health classes to attend before you can consider yourself ready for this. You can't rely on random users from this site to give you everything you need to know. ... (read in full...)
Do guys stress about first dates?
Q. do guys get just as nervous as girls do on first dates? what are some of the worries they have? i always get stressed out before the first date and the guys always seem so nonchalant and calm. why is this?...
A. 12 October 2010: Yes, of course they do.
Guys seem nonchalant and calm because they know that to act otherwise makes girls think less of them and lose respect. Just be thankful you can let your nervousness show without being seen as a loser because of it.... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 12 October 2010: Sorry, person, but I have to second all of what Odds said. Especially this part: "The hold is disproportionately powerful over the guys who deserve it the least - guys who won't pressure her into it, who just want to be loved, who don't understand ... (read in full...)
Where are the good men hiding?
Q. Right now I'm very discouraged. Where are all the good men hiding? In the past years my dating experiences have been bad. I've tried dating friends, acquaintances, co workers, random people.. nothing seems to work. I think I'm a fairly normal pe...
A. 11 October 2010: The state of humanity in general right now is pretty bad. It's not as easy to find a "good" person as it was a few generations ago. Men have similar complaints about today's women, that they're all spoiled, materialistic, entitlement princesses who ... (read in full...)
Why does it always feel like something is missing in the relationship?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been feeling lots of heterosexual urges lately and I am currently in a relationship with a woman I'm in love with. She turns me on and our sex life is stellar. However, I can't help but crave full penetrative sex. We own ...
A. 11 October 2010: If she were truly everything you could ever want and more, then would you really be feeling like something's missing?
Not saying this will be the case with you, but being bi often seems to be a "phase" girls go through in their youth. They're ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 10 October 2010: It wasn't really that long ago that the bigger issue was masturbation, not porn. I recall reading advice columns about women's shock and horror at finding out their bf/husband pleasures himself without her, and why does he have to lie and hide, ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous to watch porn with my man!
Q. I recently saw my boyfriend watching porn, he does a few times a week he didn't know that I knew, it bothered me but I decided to ask him if we can watch together, he of course is all for it, the problem is I'm not quit sure how to act, I mean I ...
A. 10 October 2010: If it makes you feel nervous and weird, why did you ask to watch it with him? He may be for it but it's all your idea. Don't ask to do something you really don't want to.
When watching, be more or less natural and don't pretend to love what you... (read in full...)
How do I gain that trust in guys back?
Q. Ok, here's the deal... Back in the first half of this year, I was in a relationship with this really nice guy. Or at least.. he was nice at the beginning of the relationship. Anyways, long story short.. we crossed boundaries that I never wan...
A. 10 October 2010: All guys want sex? I went all through high school without ever looking for it, the same as two or three guys I hung out with. But what I found is that the jerks and bad boys who pressure girls for it the most are the ones girls go for! So I'm a ... (read in full...)
Guys put off by a 24 year old virgin?
Q. Do guys feel put off if a girl is a virgin at 24? I'm pretty shy and lacking in confidence because of being mentally and physically (not sexually) abused when I was younger. I've never told anyone that I'm a virgin because I find it really embarr...
A. 9 October 2010: Hopefully they wouldn't be put off, just a bit surprised. Some would even find it appealing. You're lucky you're a 24-year-old FEMALE virgin and not a guy, that would be so much worse (trust me, I'd know). Yes, it does feel like everyone around is ... (read in full...)
Hellllp!!!!How much porn is too much?
Q. Recently I've found my boyfriends porn stash on his hard drive. We've been together a year and I know he has always watched porn but it has never bothered me before. I watch it myself and use toys, plus we are both very adventurous in bed! Howe...
A. 6 October 2010: What the others have said is good advice.
Your bf said he's given it up. Even if he hasn't given up ALL of it, maybe this shows a willingness to change and an acknowledgement that his massive porn stash is something not fully compatible with a m... (read in full...)
Do I confront him... or just leave it be?
Q. Heres the thing: I am not proud of it but I snooped around a few years ago and found my boyfriend's password to his email. I checked it once and didn't find anything suspicious. I felt horrible for betraying his trust and privacy but, I never said ...
A. 6 October 2010: This is a tough one. He's definitely wrong to do this behind your back. But you are also wrong for spying. That shows you never fully trusted him to begin with. If someone ever looked in YOUR e-mail account or your diary, would they find absolu... (read in full...)
He watches porn while I"m lying right next to him
Q. Help...Well me and boyfriend have been together about seven months.Everything has been great..Well I THOUGHT.He lives with me and I am a single mom of four and was in a bad marriage for 8 years and didnt won't to have sex and didnt for 2 years then ...
A. 3 October 2010: If he's very shy and quiet, he can't have been very popular with girls. Maybe he was alone a long time and watching pornos was the only way he could have any sex life at all. Maybe watching it in bed has become part of his lifestyle and he didn't ... (read in full...)
How can you justify looking at violent or rape porn?
Q. I don't just mean like being beaten and screaming, I mean the stuff where the woman gets her head shoved in a toilet, where the guy does anything until she cries or gags, etc... Why is that OK to get off on so long as it's not child porn or ...
A. 3 October 2010: Well, it does matter what you fantasize about. People always say it doesn't since fantasies aren't real. But obviously there is a difference between imagining loving sex between two married people and imagining a young boy getting ass-raped by a ... (read in full...)
How can you justify looking at violent or rape porn?
Q. I don't just mean like being beaten and screaming, I mean the stuff where the woman gets her head shoved in a toilet, where the guy does anything until she cries or gags, etc... Why is that OK to get off on so long as it's not child porn or ...
A. 1 October 2010: It's not ok and not all guys get off on that. I've never even seen things like what you're describing because I don't go looking for them. It's not appealing at all, it's disturbing. I think the guys that watch it are the ones trying to escalate ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 1 October 2010: All right. But if hiding porn is the same as faking orgasms... doesn't that make it seem more understandable and justified? Both are done to spare the other person's feelings, and are somewhat well-intentioned (though that doesn't make them ... (read in full...)
Troubles with my fiance: porn, trust, family ...
Q. I just stumbled on this site looking for answers to my relationship. Even though I think I already know. I just don't want to admit it! I don't know what my question is? I guess I just what opinions? I started dating this guy almost 4yrs ago. We ...
A. 30 September 2010: You need to call off, or at least indefinitely postpone, your wedding if you haven't already. This guy has so many problems, he's nowhere near being ready for commitments like marriage and parenthood. He has serious addictions, mental health issues, ... (read in full...)
Getting married in 6 weeks but can't get over my insecurity and self-esteem issues!
Q. Hi all. Im 23, getting married in 6wks (wow!) and i cant get over my self esteem/insecurity problems! My fiance is wonderful, always telling me he thinks im beautiful and the most gorgeous woman in the world etc etc, but most times i laugh or tell ...
A. 30 September 2010: Ok. After you explained it, it doesn't sound as bad anymore. lol. And he still has 6 weeks left to delete the rest of his phone pics. : P
It's mature of you to recognize that it's more of an issue within you than it is about him. Also great yo... (read in full...)
6 months into the relationship and he has stopped giving me good sex
Q. I'm a 31yr old woman, with a extremely high sex drive. I'm with an older guy, well 7 month older....6 months into the relationship he is no longer getting morning wood....he thinks this is a problem. So this means no sex for me. He is not even ...
A. 29 September 2010: If morning wood never appears anymore, it IS a problem. It suggests that it's more than just him being unwilling to please you. It means he literally can't. Perhaps knowing his organ isn't reliable makes him avoid sex with you. You might ask him to ... (read in full...)
Getting married in 6 weeks but can't get over my insecurity and self-esteem issues!
Q. Hi all. Im 23, getting married in 6wks (wow!) and i cant get over my self esteem/insecurity problems! My fiance is wonderful, always telling me he thinks im beautiful and the most gorgeous woman in the world etc etc, but most times i laugh or tell ...
A. 29 September 2010: Many other women would be too jealous to let their guy have pin-ups or pornos at all. So maybe your self-esteem is healthier than you think. Try and understand that him looking at his pics really has nothing to do with you or with any ... (read in full...)
Window for the "Previous Sexual Partners" talk has passed... what do I do?
Q. Hello World, I had sex with my girlfriend on our first official date, and now I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place with finding out her previous sexual history. I was a virgin when I slept with her (and was blind-sided by the whole experi...
A. 27 September 2010: I see what people are saying here. But if it were me, I'd want to know. Fair is fair, right? She knows all about your history. If she was bold enough to ask about that, she should be willing to answer her own question. But you do NOT need all the ... (read in full...)
Don't men sometimes lose their erection because of the girl?
Q. My boyfriend is in his late forties, I am a few years younger. He sometimes loses his erection, and today he lost it as soon as I removed my clothes. We had already been doing it and then bam, it was gone. The timing made me feel like it was ...
A. 26 September 2010: It could be that. But you said it only happens sometimes. He's also a middle-aged guy and they can develop circulation problems down there. Could also be something mental, like a distraction or feeling stressed about performing. What you're ... (read in full...)
Gay teacher in love with a student.
Q. I'm a 27 year old male teacher. I work in a Catholic school. I have been looking for love for quite some time. The problem is that I always end up with the wrong person. The people I choose are either straight, deep into the closet, or simply way ...
A. 26 September 2010: It's not perverted to love someone much younger. But what you've done so far (kissing, fondling, hanging out outside of school) has already crossed the line between teacher and student. As a professional in a position of power, your job is to teach ... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex in 7 years!
Q. My husband and I haven't had sex in 7 or so years. He's the one not interested. I have tried everything. Porno, sexy clothes, perfumes, romance, getting him to the doc and trying cialis, Viagra. His "equipment" works fine, he just doesn't want ...
A. 26 September 2010: I think this is a more common problem than most people realize. All you ever hear about is the man not getting enough. But often it's the other way around. Just look at some of the message boards out there. It's a hidden but widespread problem.
... (read in full...)
Sex fiend blues..
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I have become a F-R-E-A-K and it does me no good. Like a lioness I bait and prey my on man constantly. He wants to nap and me, I go down on him until he has to give in to me. He's watching a show, I climb all over him. He ...
A. 25 September 2010: You're not alone. I chatted with a girl before who said she wanted sex so much more than her partner that she practically had to rape him!
Well, after he's had his release, it doesn't need to end there. There's things he can and should do to help ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 25 September 2010: Thanks for all the intelligent responses. Maybe it shows this issue is more complex and nuanced than people think -- more than just picking one of two sides: that porn is uniformly bad and its users selfish and depraved OR that porn is absolutely ... (read in full...)
Do guys like calm girls or hyper girls?
Q. I read somewhere that guys don't like hyper girls, who are always excited all the time. Like they think that the girl is trying to get attention and its lame that they are so excited about little things. It has been researched that most guys don't ...
A. 25 September 2010: If that's your natural personality, don't try to change it. I don't mind hyper girls, in fact there's something about their energy I really like! But then I'm a quieter sort of artsy person so I can't speak for what the "typical" guys are looking ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who hates the smell and taste or sperm?
Q. This may be strange or maybe this is common...You tell me. I can not stand the smell or taste of sperm! I freely give my husband (of 25 yrs) BJ when he wants, let him cum on my chest and he has even rubbed it on my face BUT it makes me gag! ...
A. 25 September 2010: Maybe few will agree with this but... as far as "facials" go, as outrageous as those are, I don't think they are necessarily degrading or disrespectful as many people say. It depends on the individuals. A "facial" between two loving people could be ... (read in full...)
Bennefits of Porn
Q. Hi: I have read a lot of negative things at forums about the dangers and evil of PORN (OMG) and wish to offer my perspective on Porn. When I got caught up in Porn, it was not because something was missing in my current marriage. I just liked ...
A. 25 September 2010: Forgot to mention... I think it's awesome that couples in their 70s and older are still getting it on with each other (though many in society see this as creepy for some reason). You are still learning new things and trying new things. That's how ... (read in full...)
He doesn't deserve to be a father so what do I do? Have it aborted or what?
Q. I am nine weeks pregnant, almost ten. I am engaged to my boyfriend. I was not planning on getting pregnant and never thought having kids was something i had to do. I found i was pregnant and told my finace and he was so happy and exited. I was not. ...
A. 24 September 2010: I don't think your child should pay the price for your bf being a druggie or for the choices you've made either.
Maybe becoming a father will make your bf clean up his act. If not, the courts will probably decide he's an unfit parent and give you... (read in full...)
Bennefits of Porn
Q. Hi: I have read a lot of negative things at forums about the dangers and evil of PORN (OMG) and wish to offer my perspective on Porn. When I got caught up in Porn, it was not because something was missing in my current marriage. I just liked ...
A. 24 September 2010: Interesting perspective. And you mentioned something I think many like to overlook which is that not all porn is of the violent, degrading, filthy, humiliating variety. Not all porn is the same. Some actually strives to be beautiful.
But I wouldn... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who hates the smell and taste or sperm?
Q. This may be strange or maybe this is common...You tell me. I can not stand the smell or taste of sperm! I freely give my husband (of 25 yrs) BJ when he wants, let him cum on my chest and he has even rubbed it on my face BUT it makes me gag! ...
A. 23 September 2010: No, that's not abnormal at all. Sperm was never meant to go in someone's mouth or on someone's body or face! It's only the spread of hardcore porn that has made those things seem normal. If couples enjoy it, fine. But no one should expect someone ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 23 September 2010: @person12345:
What you say about it being a choice may be fundamentally true. But saying it's just all motivated by selfishness, laziness, and is 100% a choice is simplistic. You could say alcoholics, anorexics, emotional eaters, and gamblers... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 21 September 2010: Since it seems my post is being interpreted as defending porn and lying, let me be clear. I'm not defending those things at all. In fact I am against porn within a relationship (except in rare cases where its use would actually enhance the ... (read in full...)
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