A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mother is a compulsive hoarder. I'm the exact opposite and like to keep everything neat and tidy, but every single room of the house is overtaken with her useless shit. Living in a house full of clutter for most of my life and getting hurt while trying to do something as simple as walk through the hall or make something to eat is really taking its toll on me, to the point where I just want to shove everything out of the windows and doors. We've have a pretty serious mold problem for the last three or so years because the roof was damaged at some point and never fixed, and this has had serious effects on my health. I've had several allergy attacks from the mold, all of them involve extreme dizziness and nausea. My mother doesn't care because she's so deeply in denial. Both bathrooms have issues with leaks and both toilets are out of order. Anything that can't be poured down the shower drain has to be put in a plastic bag and put outside in the garbage, if you know what I mean, and I feel so disgusted at the thought of it. It's as though we might as well be homeless.As of last winter, we've also had a problem with mice in the house. They eat through everything, bags of food and even clothes. Their excrement is everywhere. I don't know what it's going to take to make my mother see just how bad things really are, you'd think the mice or at least the roof would make her do something about it. She complains about it all the time but doesn't actually do anything. Instead she constantly blames me for the mess, saying it's my fault because I don't clean while she's off at work, or I don't help her when she's home, but she NEVER makes an effort to clean. I've tried to take it all on by myself so many times, but I always end up getting so overwhelmed that I break down and cry, or end up breaking things out of frustration. Even doing something as simple as using the stove is an ordeal because her crap is blocking it and on top of it, and that's usually enough to make me start crying because things shouldn't be this way and I've done nothing to deserve it. I make an effort to be a good and honest person, and I'm rewarded with the worst life you could possibly imagine short of being homeless. I just can't take it, I'm at the end of my rope and live every day in fear that the floor will collapse from being eaten away by mold, or a fire will break out and I won't be able to get out because just getting through the house is difficult. It would be so easy to just leave but not only do I not have the resources for it, but I fear my mother's condition would get even worse. I've suffered from very severe depression from a very young age, starting maybe around 10 or 11. That was when the mess started getting worse, and that was when I started failing class because I just stopped going to school. I couldn't bring myself to get up in the morning unless forced. I sleep 14 hours a day and never have the motivation to do anything, and it's directly linked to my living situation because it's easier to sleep through most of the day than deal with the endless clutter.Neither my mother nor I have much money, it's a struggle just to pay bills so hiring a cleaning service isn't an option. I need to know what I can do to change this or if there are any free/discounted resources in the US, and how I can better cope because every single day of my life I'm miserable and don't even want to be awake.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Yes i agree you should do that as its clear she is in self denial and if you cant get her motivated then this might just be the scare that she needs to put her act in order, go for it and good luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Make the call, that may be exactly the motivation she needs. They will give her a time frame to clean the joint up or else. Coming from the authorities instead of you may just be the ticket. You can't keep living like animals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering, but unfortunately it's a lot easier said than done. The mess is overwhelming. She's in absolute denial that there's a problem and won't do anything about it no matter how many times I try to get her to help me clean, what I'm looking for is a way to motivate her because clearly the declining condition of the house is not enough.
I'm considering making a call to Adult Protective Services as a last resort, but I'm afraid if they saw the state of the house they'd condemn it and we'd be thrown out on the street. I really don't know what else to do.
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Before your house can be fixed, something in your mother has to be fixed as well. In a way, the mess is really a reflection of her problems and mental state. I've learned that even if you totally cleaned up the house of a compulsive hoarder, it would quickly return to its former state unless the hoarder resolves his or her issues. Hoarders can actually feel more secure surrounded by their stuff and attach great importance to it, so throwing any of it away causes them anxiety.
You're definitely not alone. Ever seen the show "Hoarders"? It will show you that some houses are just as bad or even much worse than yours. (You might even be a candidate for that show, in which case you'd be provided free help in cleaning up, as well as counseling.)
Also you could try concentrating on making just one small area clean. Once that area is done, keep it clean and move onto the next. For a while, you may feel as though you're making very little progress. But the mess accumulated slowly, bit by bit, over time. So cleaning slowly, bit by bit, will add up as well.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (1 November 2010):
You say you are miserable so sort it out, you or your mother cant go on like this its unhealthy and no way to live. It sounds like your mother may also be depressed and you both have just givin up. You need to both get motivated and have a clear out, whatever junk you dont need then get rid of it and spend a few solid days cleaning the house from top to bottom both of you, put on some music and just get it done, if you'se cant get the toilets unblocked then you will both need to save some money to get a plumer in and also someone to fix the roof. Maybe you both need to go to a doctor and get checked over for depression.
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