A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay, so my boyfriend and i broke up 4 days ago. This is a really confusing story - so try to stick with me... I moved back to my home town, after living in the city for 3 months, and when i got home, my bestfriend - Whitney* and i hung out together everyday - she lives with her boyfriend Kane*, and his mate Liam*, so we were like a cute little foresome, and after a while, Liam and i started hooking up, it wasnt till i seen him with another girl, that i told him that i wanted to work toward a relationship - 5 weeks later, we were together. I stayed at Whitney,Kane and Liams house EVERYNIGHT, i also got Liam a job, with my sisters boyfriend Owen. So because he was always so worn out from work, we'd go to bed early, leaving Whitney and Kane in the lounge. Whitney started getting angry, and stopped talking to me, giving me "death stares" and not replying to my msgs.Kane and Whitney went away for a week, and she then msged Liam, and told him that she had massive problems with me. Starting a whole lot of drama. they came back from holidays, then i didnt want to crowed Whitney, so i only came over when she wasnt home. Liam and i planned to go to the cinema on the friday, he said to invited Whitney and Kane, so i said okay, and also suggested going out for dinner. Few hours later, he msged and asked if i was going to talk to Whitney at the cinema, i said only if she wasnt going to be mean and bitchy.He then told me that what was happening between Whit and i was affecting mine and his relationship. and an hour later, he broke up with me, stating he "didnt want a girl in his life at the moment". Now 4 days later, (tonight) he msged and asked if i knew about zhoe* - his ex fiancee, and i said i had, and he explained how he has been trying to replace her, and that i wasnt anything like her, and they were together for 3 years, engaged for 1 year, had a mutual break up. i told him just before that--- "you've got to realise your holding onto a dream that didnt work out, i know its something you can never forget, but if you take the risk, you might overcome your committment issue. i understand its emotional and psychological, and i am willing to help, i can be patient and supportive. i understand the pain and confusion your going through. we can work at it, as a slow pace that your comfortable with. i do care a great deal about you Liam"he just wont let me help. i want him back badly. yet im scared of losing him!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow. thanks everyone. you've made me open my eyes and realise.
Only bad thing is, that ive just finised telling him that im ALWAYS going to be here for him, and for him to msg his ex fiancee and see if she is also having committment issues - he then said that if she wanted him back, he'd go straight to her, and would just leave me, even if i did wait for him for months. I just dont want to face the fact of having to be alone again - after being alone for the past 2 years, i dont want to go through another 2 years waiting for another guy!!!
As for Whitney - we met up today, and went tanning down the beach, hanging out for 2 hours, then when i dropped her home, Liam was there, we had little chat about boring subjects - not risking bringing anything emotional up.
Whitney then went around to her parents house, saying she's send me a text when she got home, so i could go over and watch a dvd with them all, yet, i never recieved a msg, and then drove past their house, to see all the lights on - knowing they were all home. yet i never got invited. i was just simply forgotten.
i know im only young, (19). yet i just want to settle down and be happy with a guy! im sick of being near immature guys that just want "one thing"!!
Why's life so tough??? :(
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
I hate to tell you this, but I think you were the rebound girl. It's okay, this happens. I was a rebound guy once. Best thing to do is accepot that he's not intereted and that you've lost him and go find a guy who's confident with himself and will give himself to yoou. If you wait around, you're only going to get hurt even more.
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A
male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 I see your problem...
1. Liam- still going through the break-up emotions of a long relationship....heart not really ready to commit to anything new, or having difficulty doing so...
2. Ex-best friend/Liam's roomie- bitching bitching bitching..making Liam's life hell..."I don't want her around here, bla bla bla..." Liam says I've got enough shit to deal with, I'm cutting off the relionship."
Not only this, ex-best friend talking bad about you obviously not helping Liam's perception of you...
Solution...patch things up with best friend and/or see Liam away from their flat.
Here's a question I have..was the message he sent a reply to a message you sent or did he initiate contact?
If you are sending him text messages, and that was his reply, then he may have used the friction of your ex-best friend as an excuse. You have to consider this.
If he intiated contact...
The ideal solution is patching things up with your ex-best friend, because that takes the added stress out of Liam's life and gives you more opportunities to be together. Don't repeat the pattern of spending so much time there though because you run the risk of falling out with the ex-bf before you can build anything w/ Liam.
If she stays a bitch...
Then just keep contacting Liam and continue seeing each other when you can. Do little things to keep his attention like sending him little tokens of "I'm thinking of you". Most important is to show the patience you said you would show because you have the two factors above working against you.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): I think that you've already lost him, plus living with another couple you don't get on with is a bad idea!
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A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (29 September 2009):
Sounds like you v'e already lost him. It's time to move on with your life. Don't waste your time and effort on someone who is not interested.
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A
female
reader, bethevans +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Okay my dear, i've been the back up girl and no it's not nice.. but you're just going to have to face it hun because it will hurt even more if you don't. He's just like you at the moment.. falling for someone .. very very much .. and the only problem is he's falling for her not you.. and your falling for him .. so jump out the boat your in because you'll regret it if you don't..
stop trying to get back with him.. and move on.. because as long as your trying he's going to keep moving away .. your going to have to move away first if you want to keep him as a friend.. you get me? i didn't mean to be so blunt. but i know how much it hurts.. and if i'd have told you in any other way .. you might have still hoped. so please get back to me.. if anything goes wrong with the advice and hope it works x
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