How should I handle these 2 cliquey co-workers without it turning into a situation?
Q. Please help me with this work situation. If you had a 2 works colleagues (younger 24 and 29) who did not say hi to you,(you say hi to them, to be polite) but they say hi to others do you keep trying? or speak when needed... to be profes...
A. 29 July 2017: Uncomfortable as it may feel for you to be ignored in this way, you are at WORK. You are all paid to WORK. If they enjoy a friendship as well, then that is a bonus for them. It is not an entitlement. Neither is it against any rules. They do not owe ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is dealing with the loss of his brother. He's blaming me and shutting me out
Q. My boyfriend recently lost his brother to suicide 6 weeks ago. For the first 4 weeks I tried to support him and his family as much as I could. Then 2 weeks ago he turned and started to blame me for what happened and told me he wished I was dead. He ...
A. 29 July 2017: Suicide is a particularly painful way to lose someone close because there is always a significant element of guilt involved in the grieving process, more so than with most other deaths. There is always the feeling that, if you had done this or that, ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with seeing a co-worker that I was involved with?
Q. Hi, I recently was involved with a man at work however it hasn't worked out as I planned :-( . We never had sex , just hugs, kisses and loved each other's company. We have had an amazing time together and I really thought he cared about me. He used ...
A. 29 July 2017: Sweetheart, you haven't really lost anything. He was never yours to lose. He is a silver-tongued liar and a cheat. Talk is cheap. I always tell people to listen with one ear to what people say but watch with both eyes what they actually DO. He CAN ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is cheating, pressuring me to have sex. I'm afraid he'll leave me if I don't give in
Q. I am 19 and even tho i know all my friends are having sex, i know it doesn't mean i have to but i'm getting a lot of pressure from my boyfriend to do it right now. The pressure seems to be more and more as the days go on. And I will be honest, i ...
A. 29 July 2017: Sweetheart, this guy is treating you badly. WHY is he treating you badly? Because YOU are letting him walk all over you.
I know it is always difficult with first boyfriends. No matter what scumbags they are, we still don't want to "lose" them - w... (read in full...)
My husband is trying to bully, control, manipulate and isolate me! Help!
Q. I have recently got married again and gradully my husband is imposing boundaries and when i challenge these he becomes incredibly angry to the point of screaming, telling me i'm stupin and running down my friends and family. He is now tell8ng me my ...
A. 28 July 2017: Do you actually WANT to leave him? Or are you looking for advice on how to sort out this situation so you can stay married? I ask because, as you work with vulnerable people, I would have thought you would know where and how to get help in this sort ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy who's rather pushy and doesn't want to compromise on even the smallest of things
Q. There's this guy I have been dating and he is overall wonderful. However, he's done things here and there that has shown me that maybe he can't really compromise. Once, we went dancing at a restaurant with a live band. We had a great time had s...
A. 28 July 2017: I'm not sure this is so much about not compromising as about pushing other people's boundaries. Slightly different behaviour but just as annoying long-term.
You did have the option of actually insisting on sitting down and resting when you were... (read in full...)
Some advice please on my first date
Q. I'm going on a first date soon with a boy I really like. We went to elementary school together and recently reconnected on a dating app. I haven't ever been in a long-term relationship, and all the dates I've gone on in the past few years were ...
A. 28 July 2017: Stop thinking of it as a date and think of it as a meeting to catch up with an old school mate. If the person you were meeting was a girl you went to school with, would you be as anxious?
Ask him lots of questions about himself and listen w... (read in full...)
I don't want a ring on my finger but I would like more affection!
Q. I've been seeing my fella for 12 yrs and have to say we are not in love although I feel I'm more fond of him than he is of me! He is totally inscrutable and never reveals his feelings. He is very reliable and fab company. I would say we are in lust ...
A. 27 July 2017: What do you actually want from him? And have you actually told him?
From my experience it is pointless saying general things to men like "I want more affection". You need to be specify what you want, otherwise they just tend to either not "get... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend accept his team leader's offer of money?
Q. My boyfriend started his job about seven months ago and his team leader at work fancys him a bit but knows about me, however she's offered to give him 50 quid towards a pair of trainers, now to ms I feel he shouldn't except this offer because she ...
A. 27 July 2017: Does your boyfriend have no pride? Will he just accept money from anyone? He is an adult with a job. Expensive trainers are a luxury, not a necessity. If he wants them, he should save up for them.
As for him saying he doesn't like this woman so... (read in full...)
He seemed to ask a lot of questions about my income!
Q. Dear Cupid; I'm in my 50's and unfortunately back in the dating world after my husband passed away years ago. I recently went on a meet and greet and the man asked me what year my car was, if I owned or rented, how big was my house. H...
A. 26 July 2017: He called the waitress "cutie"? Really? Sorry, for me THAT would have been the point at which I would have picked up my bag and left.
That aside, no, of course he is not ENTITLED to information about your finances. However, it is POSSIBLE... (read in full...)
Should I be worried by his behaviour?
Q. Hello. I need your help to figure out if you think my boyfriend cheated. Let me begin by saying that he is in touch with me several times a day. But yesterday he behaved unlike the norm. We talked before bed on Saturday night. All was fine. I ...
A. 24 July 2017: While I do believe that, quite often, the first sign of something "wrong" is when someone starts behaving out of character, I don't think you can take this one day in isolation and decide your boyfriend was up to no good. I do, however, understand ... (read in full...)
I'm very puzzled by my boyfriend's giantess fetish. Can someone explain?
Q. Hello, i'm very open about porn and sexual things and nothing really phases me, however I found out my boyfriend has a foot fetish, it's not something that really did it for me, but seeing how turned on he gets by using my feet etc, i'm starting to ...
A. 24 July 2017: Wow! Just when you think you have heard everything!
There are many fetishes which are difficult, if not impossible, to explain. All I can say is that he is lucky to have someone as open minded as you. Some (many?) women would head for the hill... (read in full...)
Is this guy lying about his wifey situation?
Q. I met a guy online and started seeing him. Before I started seeing him he took down his profile as he said he found it demoralising. He told me he was separated, had been for 9 yrs. said he hadn't divorced because he wife had gotten a boyfrie...
A. 24 July 2017: I can actually understand the son/dog situation. Who else is going to look after them while his wife swans off with her boyfriend?
HOWEVER, you have no guarantee his wife IS actually going away. She could be there with them all the time. Just bec... (read in full...)
Will he contact me?
Q. So I've been dating a guy for 6+ months. We told each other that we love one another. He has asked me to invite him over for dinner. Well the day came and he never showed up. I texted him and no response. I called him and he hung up. The next day he ...
A. 24 July 2017: That word "disrespectful" always fills me with dread when used in this sort of context. It is like he is DEMANDING you tiptoe around him and don't question anything he does.
I worked with a colleague whose fiance used to angrily accuse her of b... (read in full...)
What now? We were hanging out together a lot and I got her free lift tickets and helped her get gear!
Q. I have been hanging out with a girl for 6 months. I moved to town a year ago and was looking to meet new people.. so I come along and offer to take her skiing. Help her get gear, free tickets and we go. Skied a couple of times hang out and life is ...
A. 24 July 2017: I notice your age is given as 30-35 yet you refer to this lady as a "girl". How old is she? If she is much younger than you, it is possible she sees you as an older brother/father type figure and never suspected you might have ulterior motives when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been texting a past hook up!
Q. I have been dating this guy for a few months now and we are crazy about each other. We have been exclusive for a while, but I saw the other day that he has been texting with a girl he has hooked up with before. They have been friends for 10 years, ...
A. 24 July 2017: Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair. I assume he does not tell YOU who you can have as a friend? He has been friends with this girl for 10 years but has known YOU a few months and you think you have some sort of right to tell him he has to cut her ... (read in full...)
Married woman flirts with me on and off. Why?
Q. So there's this female that I noticed when I started taking the train to work a little over a year ago. At the very beginning I noticed that she kept looking my way, even if I haven't looked at her I noticed through peripherals her glance. Anyway ...
A. 23 July 2017: Why not? If you are pleasant company and she is bored, waiting for her train, why not pass the time chatting? The fact she made a point of mentioning the existence of her husband should be a big pointer that she is not interested in you ... (read in full...)
Not enough 'me' time in seven year relationship
Q. My fiancé and I have been on and off for seven years. I love him to the moon and back. we have lots in common and I enjoy doing almost everything with him, yet sometimes I need some...my time...and he gets really upset/angry even. He texts me ...
A. 23 July 2017: What is it about this man you actually love? He controls you, he doesn't trust you (otherwise he would not be checking up on you all the time), he is insecure and immature and he uses a day's lack of sex as justification to go with hookers. Need I ... (read in full...)
Is this woman trying to break up our marriage? She claims my husband cheated with her
Q. My husband and i have been married for 8 years with 3 Kids and pregnant at the moment. I have never caught him cheating. But my Brother exgirlfriend told my Brother that she went out my husband and they had sex. Then my husband gave her money. When ...
A. 23 July 2017: She is trying to get one over on your brother. Pure and simple. And she doesn't care who she hurts to do it. What better way to dig the knife in than tell someone you went with their brother?
Sweetheart, don't let her get to you. This is obviousl... (read in full...)
He asked and asked me so many times for pictures of me. Finally I sent one. I feel so scared that I did this. What should I do?
Q. So I'm 13. One day my best guy friend asked for pictures of me in a sports bra. Well I told him no and he asked and asked and kept asking. I've took pictures like that before (Not sexual) making sure not to show anything. Well It was 2:30 am and ...
A. 23 July 2017: P.S. If your "best friend" asks again, ask him if you can check with his girlfriend and his mum that they know what he is doing. THAT should put a swift stop to it.
I am hoping he is of a similar age to you, not someone older, and that these re... (read in full...)
He asked and asked me so many times for pictures of me. Finally I sent one. I feel so scared that I did this. What should I do?
Q. So I'm 13. One day my best guy friend asked for pictures of me in a sports bra. Well I told him no and he asked and asked and kept asking. I've took pictures like that before (Not sexual) making sure not to show anything. Well It was 2:30 am and ...
A. 23 July 2017: Sweetheart, as a 13 year old girl, you should not be sending this sort of photograph.
I would question just what sort of a best friend keeps asking for this sort of photo until they wear you down.
Learn your lesson, NEVER send photos like... (read in full...)
Advice please on my crush on a policeman
Q. I am 17 year old young woman! I have a strong attraction to a local cop, because he responded to a home invasion when i was all alone one summer.. I fell for him because he was such a quick responder, like 5 mins. He was so sweet, very experienced. ...
A. 22 July 2017: Oh sweetheart, you are not REALLY in love with this man. You know nothing about him, therefore you cannot love him. You are doing what many before you have done, i.e. fixating on a man who has been kind to you and protective of you, and who you see ... (read in full...)
How do I handle my critical dad? He's given me poor self-esteem!
Q. I've been struggling w/this for years w/my dad. My dad does love me, I do know that. When it comes down to me, he has always been negative w/about 95% of everything. For the last 10 years he has been convinced that I'm overweight and will be ...
A. 21 July 2017: I found that, as an adult, the best way to deal with my mother (who always picked fights) was to walk away when she was behaving in this way. It took a few goes but she eventually realized that, if she picked a fight, I would simply pick up my stuff ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to walk, am I just being used as a babysitter?
Q. hey, my partner sits on her phone all day does the odd chore round the house i mean when one of the babies does a dirty nappy she doesnt get down to cleaning it up she tells me babies pood so i end up doing it and been like that for years im a stay ...
A. 20 July 2017: It's not "baby sitting" when they are YOUR children. It is "child rearing". Are you planning to walk away from your children as well as your partner? I assume your partner did not force you to have all these children, that this was a conscious ... (read in full...)
Does my LDR GF have borderline disorder?
Q. I posted a similar question a while back but I need some more help now more than ever. Long story short, my parents and i all went camping for three days and I told my gf that it may be hard to talk since I'll be in the middle of the woods/at...
A. 20 July 2017: I'm no expert on mental health but I can spot an unhealthy relationship easily enough, and this is definitely an unhealthy relationship. You have only been in this relationship a short while, yet already you are feeling drained. A relationship is ... (read in full...)
How do I tell a man he's not doing it for me in the bedroom?
Q. Ok so my problem is pretty simple. How do I tell a man he's not doing it for me in the bedroom? I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks now and in the last two weeks we've started to have sex, but it really isn't good. He's a great kisser and...
A. 20 July 2017: I'm intrigued to know what you DID say to him when he made the comment about your (non) orgasms!
I think you need to explain to him that all women are different in what they like and what works for them. Also that they need time to get "into" a... (read in full...)
Engaged but I've seen someone new
Q. I am engaged to a man whom I have been in a mostly happy relationship for 9 years. He cheated on me three years in with someone at work but we got over it. We are now engaged and the wedding is next year. My problem is, I'm absolutely obses...
A. 18 July 2017: Interesting that you only mention love once - and that is in reference to your work colleague, not your fiance. DO you love your fiance, or are you marrying him because you have been together so long that it is the next "logical step" and ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with his passive aggressive behavior when I don't want sex
Q. I met a guy, who is now my boyfriend, 3 months ago. He has made it clear he is really into me. I wasn't sure if I was atttacted to him enough, but he was lovely to me and we had a lot in common, so I went with it. I was very happy to fiND we worked ...
A. 18 July 2017: The line that rang alarm bells for me: "things have changed after we made it official". Once you became "official", you became his property. Can you imagine how he will up his game if you were to become engaged/married?
They don't say "many a ... (read in full...)
8 years of trust,broken! Can we make it back?
Q. Hi all thanks for your help first of all I have a horrible problem I need help with. Sorry about the lengh. I went on a holiday with 4 of my friends one of them is my boyfriends brothers girlfriend Side note: I've been with my bf 8 years been ...
A. 18 July 2017: Oh sweetheart, you are not over reacting. I want to grab your silly boyfriend by the throat and shake some sense into him.
You do realize that lie detector tests are not 100% accurate, don't you? Even if you pass it, he will say you found so... (read in full...)
How do I find out if he's in contact with my colleagues?
Q. I used to work with a bloke and have texted him a few times, he doesn't respond and yet I sense that he is in contact with other people he worked with but not me. Before he left he made out that he wanted to keep in touch but instead ignores me ...
A. 16 July 2017: This is not unusual. Often people say "let's keep in touch" but, once they have new colleagues and have moved on from the previous job mentally, they choose to draw a line under contact with previous colleagues.
Often, all we have in common w... (read in full...)
He's back with her and I'm hurting. What can I do?
Q. They were together for 2 years and they haven't really had a no contact period. Well, she stopped talking to him for two months and when she hit him up when she visited town he lashed out at her and said "You haven't talked to me in two months! What ...
A. 16 July 2017: This is all very weird.
I have questions: how do you know all this? Were you there when it was happening? Were you stalking him? Has he told you all this? Has his "ex" told you all this? Has someone else? Or is this how you have imagined it all h... (read in full...)
He kissed me at work and I'm confused
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am writing with not so much a problem, but merely a situation that I have found myself in. In my workplace people come and go transiently, staying for a few months at most then leaving. Around this time last year I was worki...
A. 16 July 2017: Assuming this man is still married, in your shoes I would be polite and professional, but steer clear of any other contact. You CAN politely decline dinner/lunch/whatever he suggests, which includes kissing in the workplace with the stock response ... (read in full...)
Is there anything in this astrology thing?
Q. Do any aunts and uncle believe in fortune teller? Are there any experience from aunts and uncle here? As a chinese, many of us believe in fortune teller and physic reading. But i was raised in an atheist family and not a believer of mystical thin...
A. 16 July 2017: We can only base our opinions of these so-called "fortune tellers" on our own personal experiences. If you feel comforted by this person, then that is great. I would urge you to remember that life is unpredictable though. Good or bad can come round ... (read in full...)
I can't forget THE ONE
Q. It's been 10 years since I met A,the man of my life. Someone whom i've dreamt of being with since I was a child. I thought he'd exist only in my imagination, but I found him - and we shared mutual sentiments for each other. Unfortunately, we led ...
A. 15 July 2017: Our first love is always special and always difficult to forget. However, if you are still thinking of him and missing him every day after all this time, then can you be truly happy with your boyfriend? Is something missing in your relationship?
... (read in full...)
A man who she has been dating for 3 weeks gets more recognition than I did in 3 years!
Q. I am so upset and livid right now and I just need some words of wisdom and kind responses to bring me back down. I'm a gay female. I spent 3 years in a relationship with a woman. I was the only woman that she'd ever been with. It was one of th...
A. 15 July 2017: I am so sorry you are hurting so much. Sending hugs.
I really don't know if there are words that will make you feel better. I am sure you realize that this is HER problem and that, despite talking the talk, she is completely incapable of walking ... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't have enough to do. How do I tell her to back off?
Q. Im a single mum of a teenager i have full time as my ex didnt want to know. I also work so aswell as that i have housework on top. my child helps a lot too which im proud to say i dont have to harass him to help. I have a friend who doesnt work due ...
A. 15 July 2017: How about you just ignore her texts? You don't have to reply to everything she sends you. Either switch your phone to silent so you are not even aware she is messaging you or, if this is not convenient, just read the texts and forget them.
She d... (read in full...)
Why would he lie about who he is?
Q. I met this guy online and we've been talking for six months now. I'm in the US and he's in Canada. We ve been texting and video chatting almost every day and he says that he's falling for me, I'm his dream girl and he wants me to be his girlfriend. ...
A. 15 July 2017: Assuming this account is definitely his and not belonging to a brother or other family member, he is having a bit of fun with you. Pity his poor girlfriend and just cut him off without explanation and block him.
Then go out and meet someone ... (read in full...)
I almost cheated with this married woman. Do I tell her husband what she does?
Q. Mostly as a result of feeling sexually neglected by my wife, who is unwilling to understand there's a problem, I was recently tempted to cheat on her with another married woman. Now, I need to be clear- there was no sex, but the temptation was t...
A. 15 July 2017: I think you have enough problems on your plate with your own marriage to not get involved in anyone else's.
What do you hope to gain from telling her husband? It is possible he knows already what his wife gets up to, in which case he will tel... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex wife still comes into the house every week
Q. My boyfriend of a year is divorced three years and his ex wife comes into his house with their High School children to collect any things they have left there when hes at work. She comes in with them and into the lounge and kitchen etc and has a ...
A. 15 July 2017: Honeypie beat me to it! I cannot understand why you would have stayed upstairs while she is wandering around downstairs. In your shoes, I would have popped downstairs and broken the ice with her. Maybe she was hanging around, hoping you would do ... (read in full...)
I'm very uncomfortable around my colleague who has made advances at me. Did I deal with him in the right way?
Q. An older male colleague made advances towards me in a (in my opinion) really creepy and passive aggressive way, half a year ago. I shut him down, almost got HR involved and we had a long frank discussion where I told him not to call me anymore, not ...
A. 14 July 2017: I felt uncomfortable just reading about your experience with this man, so can only imagine how you must feel being in this situation. Ironic that he sees YOUR behaviour in trying to stay away from him as "weird" but thinks HIS behaviour in ... (read in full...)
Is this happening too quickly?
Q. Preface: So, 11 weeks ago I posted a question on this website to seek help with an (almost) four-year-old relationship. Two wise people gave me the advice to end the relationship - advice I ignored until about a month ago when I finally made the...
A. 13 July 2017: Your ex is part of your past (and you will hopefully choose too keep him there). You have no reason to feel guilty about anything you do in the future as it has nothing to do with your ex. He chose to treat you badly and he lost you. Your life is ... (read in full...)
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