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I don't want a ring on my finger but I would like more affection!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 July 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *weety Pie writes:

I've been seeing my fella for 12 yrs and have to say we are not in love although I feel I'm more fond of him than he is of me! He is totally inscrutable and never reveals his feelings. He is very reliable and fab company. I would say we are in lust big time and yes that's fab but I think maybe I'm being a tiny bit used! Believe me I do not want a ring on my finger but maybe a bit more show of affection would be nice. Sex is the best so obvs I would miss it if I were to go! What do you reck? Not a big prop compared to many it must be said! Thanks.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (23 January 2018):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou need to decide what YOU want in a relationship.... and then, decide if what goes on between the two of you is adequate for your expectations. If "yes," then all is well... and life goes on ...... if "no" then you and fella need to have a long, in-depth conversation....

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (23 January 2018):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou need to decide what YOU want in a relationship.... and then, decide if what goes on between the two of you is adequate for your expectations. If "yes," then all is well... and life goes on ...... if "no" then you and fella need to have a long, in-depth conversation....

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (27 July 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat do you actually want from him? And have you actually told him?

From my experience it is pointless saying general things to men like "I want more affection". You need to be specify what you want, otherwise they just tend to either not "get" it or it blows their mind, trying to work it out, so they choose to ignore it.

Tell him specifics like, "I would really like it if, when we meet, you gave me a kiss and a hug" or "I would really like it if, when we are watching tv, we could cuddle up" or whatever it is that you envisage would make you feel happier and less "used" - although how you can feel used when you admit you love the sex and find him good company is a little puzzling.

It is possible he comes from a family which didn't show affection in this way and were not encouraged to show feelings and he is, therefore, unfamiliar (and probably uncomfortable) with it so SHOWING him by example may be easiest.

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