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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I feel like a babysitter instead of a partner - now I'm crushing on someone from my past! What do I do?
Q. Im really confused. i have a boyfriend who i have been with for three years, we have three children, 1 which is mine and two that are his, we have none together. the mother of his two sees their children one a week for a couple of hours. all of...
A. 22 September 2007: I'm not going to assist much with this. There are children involved and I don't know you well enough to affect their lives. I will tell you this though. I have two children who live with me and two who do not. The two who do not, my wife and I ... (read in full...)
He's too controlling, but I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi everyone. I really need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, but the past 7 or 8 months he hasnt trusted me 1 bit. I cant even go into town shopping with a friend without him texting asking who im with, what im doing, and ...
A. 20 September 2007: I suggest you redefine the boundaries in your relationship. You define how you are to be treated. What right does he have to tell you what to wear. Boyfriends do not have the right to tell you what to do, say, think, wear, etc. That's up to you.
... (read in full...)
I want out of this relationship! How can I make him understand it's over and keep it civil until I can get out?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16, it's been 4 years now. We've never had a serious break up until last summer, and it lasted for 6 months. Ever since we've been back together things have not been the same. I have no desire to work for a ...
A. 20 September 2007: I'm sorry to hear how vindictive he was when you left, but I am very excited you are able to start living.
Now there is a key to finding true love and happiness in relationships, and that key starts with you. Take some time, regroup, find happ... (read in full...)
He's too controlling, but I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi everyone. I really need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, but the past 7 or 8 months he hasnt trusted me 1 bit. I cant even go into town shopping with a friend without him texting asking who im with, what im doing, and ...
A. 20 September 2007: So what you're saying is his behavior may be due to the fear of repeated behavior you had with you ex. You are right that 2 wrongs don't make a right. And when it's cheating, it takes away the trust from both people so there's no leverage to grab a ... (read in full...)
I feel like a babysitter instead of a partner - now I'm crushing on someone from my past! What do I do?
Q. Im really confused. i have a boyfriend who i have been with for three years, we have three children, 1 which is mine and two that are his, we have none together. the mother of his two sees their children one a week for a couple of hours. all of...
A. 19 September 2007: Talk to your boyfriend. Nobody can tell you which way to take your heart. If you're willing to have your child grow up in a broken home for a relationship than go with it. You need to think about what you have now, compared to what you could have. ... (read in full...)
Is she waiting for me to contact her or has she realised that she doesn't want me?
Q. I met this girl almost 3 years ago n when we 1st met it was great..we fell in love and i couldnt be happier..we were together for a few months and because of work i had to move away.. we drifted apart and all the feelings i had were becoming a ...
A. 19 September 2007: First, don't stop seeing someone because of the pain. If she loved you and you loved her, that's reason to see her. If you stop than you always wonder what could have been, or if you had taken that extra chance, what could have become.
When meet... (read in full...)
Divorced Guys! If your divorce was terrible and she put you through hell...would you remarry?
Q. Divorced Men! If your divorce was terrible and she put you through hell... would you remarry? I am dating a guy who says he would not remarry because of all he went through- but....?!?...
A. 19 September 2007: Being divorced I tell people the first time I should have "just said no". Here is the deal, I know you didn't ask for an explanation on why this occurs, but maybe knowing why will help you as well.
These behaviors play in most relationships, but ... (read in full...)
I want out of this relationship! How can I make him understand it's over and keep it civil until I can get out?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16, it's been 4 years now. We've never had a serious break up until last summer, and it lasted for 6 months. Ever since we've been back together things have not been the same. I have no desire to work for a ...
A. 19 September 2007: Relationships sure are hard. First lets look at your obligation to him. THERE IS NONE. People have relationships because they make a choice to spend time with the other person, not to become obligated to someone else. You're obligated to yourself, ... (read in full...)
He's pulled away! Should I give him space?
Q. I met a great guy online three months ago. First two months were total bliss and we got close very fast. The last month he has pulled away. He still calls me but it's once a week instead of every day. What do I do? We aren't close like we wer...
A. 19 September 2007: That is a difficult question because on line relationships are different from physical relationships. A romantic relationship generally has to has physical intimacy as well as the other communications you've experienced on line.
Personally I woul... (read in full...)
He's too controlling, but I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi everyone. I really need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, but the past 7 or 8 months he hasnt trusted me 1 bit. I cant even go into town shopping with a friend without him texting asking who im with, what im doing, and ...
A. 19 September 2007: Don't consider suicide. You have to remember doing that is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.
You have reasons to stay, but none that I would accept as an excuse to. Does he love you, sounds like NO. I don't like saying that and burs... (read in full...)
Guilt after two abortions and now I want a baby, what do I do?
Q. hey im a young girl and have been in a relationship just over a year. i got pregnant by my boyfriend in january this year because we werent financially stable and hadnt been seeing each other too long we decided to have a termination. everythin was ...
A. 19 September 2007: First I want to say you are not alone. What you're experiencing is normal. Having a pregnancy terminated doesn't prepare you for the mental issues you develop because of your actions. Having these terminated is a traumatic experience, and can ... (read in full...)
Help me, I haven't bounced back after two years!
Q. Hoping someone can help here. I was with my boyfriend for eight years and we lived together for six years. He moved out a couple of years ago and want back to his hometown. He kept telling me that I was the nicest person he knew but he was not in ...
A. 19 September 2007: I don't know too many people who have not been in your situation at least once. Self esteem is easier to loose than it is to get back. It's OK for you to be a nice person and it's OK for someone else to think your nice and not be in love. Looks ... (read in full...)
My daughter is acting out to be with my ex and I don't know if I should trust him.
Q. Well an update here for my problems with my ex husband that some of you know about. Its been almost 3 months since my divorce and I thought after going through all the drama with my ex, me and my daughters would and could be fine on our own. That...
A. 18 September 2007: Let your daughter know we are proud of her for the decision she has made. It's a big step forward to realize and accept change in our lives.
Now it's not too late to change what she's been taught. She decided to cancel him out, so the harm whic... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isnt interested in penetration he only wants to masterbate over me. Is this natural?
Q. Seven years with my man and he never wanted sex all he wanted was to stand above me touching me while masturbating. I feel intimidated and unworthy can some one please tell me if this is natural not to penetrate ever?...
A. 18 September 2007: I have to ask this, It came after answering your question earlier. How else does he act in your relationship. Does he give any signs that he may be "in the closet" and penetration with females does not excite him?... (read in full...)
My best friend is 17 and her guy is 53! Do I support her?
Q. one of my best friends is 17, 18really soon and shes been seeing this guy for about five months, they're havingsex and everything, theyve said "i love you" and when shes told her parents theyre moving in together. He's a really nice guy and hes not ...
A. 18 September 2007: I wouldn't agree with the relationship, apparently you have an issue with it, but we're not the ones in the relationship. Sometimes even if we don't personally agree with something someone else does, we still have to support them because going ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to know my every move and who I've been talking to. Is this normal???
Q. My girlfriend and I of 9 months have recently moved in together. She feels as if I am lying to her if I don't tell her EVERYTHING I do. From who I talk to, to emailing an accquaintance to who I had lunch with. Am I in the wrong for feeling ...
A. 18 September 2007: It's not uncommon, but it is unhealthy. Unwarranted suspicion puts strains on relationships. She's protecting the relationship by acting the way she is. I'd check into her past. She needs help separating the pain from the past and leaving it with ... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship but I keep having dreams of someone I knew 20 yrs ago! Why is this happening?
Q. I am in a commited relationship. yet i keep having dreams of someone i knew about 20 years ago. At the time i was too young for him. Then we moved away. So i have not seen him in 20 years. why am i having these dreams now?...
A. 18 September 2007: Unfinished business. Think of your mind as a book with many chapters. Some of your chapters are fully written and closed. Past relationships being a chapter, and your relationship now being a chapter in the process of being written.
You're pote... (read in full...)
I'm begining to think he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He seems to prefer girls on tv!
Q. please help, i moved in with my boyfriend about one month ago.we have been dating for four years now our sex life has been great.i wen't ot bed the other night and he was still up. well i got up to go to the bathroom and found him masterbating, to a ...
A. 18 September 2007: I would have to say he's beating it too much. That could make it where he can't get it up for sex. He's fantasizing and looks like he's missing that there's nothing like the real thing.
Some of the girls on the country channel are pretty, ... (read in full...)
I've told my partner so many lies. I feel really bad about it.
Q. ive done so much stuff to the love of my life. i lied to him about things, i even kept secerts and weve been together for 5 years and have 2 childern together, and i dont no what to do i feel so bad, and now that he knows i feel better but he ...
A. 18 September 2007: Then you're going to have to lay everything out on the table. Until you can own up to what you've done, and get it off your chest, you'll never be whole and neither will your relationship.... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out. I'm not very good looking, do you think she will say no?
Q. Im in College and theres this girl who I fancy. Can't say I really like her at the mo. Should I ask her out on a date. Should I cos I've got nothing to lose. Thing is though I'm not particularly good looking. Do you think cos of this she'll say no?...
A. 18 September 2007: Let me tell you about really good looking women. We look at them and automatically we think they have someone all ready, or we can't match their expectations with what they are looking for.
Because of that, did you know more good looking women stay... (read in full...)
My wife of 27 yrs wants us to live apart. Can I reverse this situation? I don't know what to do anymore?
Q. I'v been married for 27 years which has been good but with the normal up and downs you get. My wife told me she does not love me any more and wants to live apart. We have adult children, both live away from home and they do not know of the ...
A. 18 September 2007: Some people drift apart, it's sad to say, but it happens. I don't know how to change your situation, because I don't personally know you or her. I will tell you how this happens, so if you can save it, this might help you keep it.
We tend to ... (read in full...)
We had a date and knew each other a while but now he says he wants no strings sex. What did I do wrong?
Q. I've been out of the dating game for a while, (long term relationship) and the whole idea of dating scares me. Had date with what I thought was ideal guy (known each other for ages) we had few dates seemed great, then we took it a stage further now ...
A. 18 September 2007: You did nothing wrong. You will if you give him the no stings sex. That's teaching him he can get the sex without any type of commitment. If that's not what you are looking for, it would be wrong to just give that to him.
Some people aren't comm... (read in full...)
He says we have to get married for money reasons and he shouts when he is drunk!
Q. I just got married the other day. On the way home from the wedding my husband and I got into a argumement about money mostly because I want to buy a house and he doesn't want to wait to find a home to buy to move because he is currently driving ...
A. 18 September 2007: It sounds like you were pressured into marriage, by the welfare department.
It is not necessarily true about paying back the medical bills, unless you went to court for child support. A judge has to order the medical bills be paid, or D.F.S ha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isnt interested in penetration he only wants to masterbate over me. Is this natural?
Q. Seven years with my man and he never wanted sex all he wanted was to stand above me touching me while masturbating. I feel intimidated and unworthy can some one please tell me if this is natural not to penetrate ever?...
A. 18 September 2007: I don't think for seven years that would be natural. I don't know how you put up with it for seven years. If I did that when I was married she would have followed through with her threat of cutting it off, bronzing it so she can have it whenever she ... (read in full...)
I havnt been able to orgasm with my boyfriend through penetration and its become a problem in our relationship. What can I do to make our sex life better?
Q. I'm a 24 years old. Me and my boyfriend are having sex for 5 months once a week at least. I never had vaginal orgasm before, I can have clitoral orgasm on my own or with partner. When my boyfriend learned I can not reach orgasm by only penetration ...
A. 18 September 2007: Regular four play. It should be his wish to give you pleasure as much as it is to receive. ... (read in full...)
We are a blended family and my husband doesn't treat my daughter like one of his own. Any suggestions or comments???
Q. I am a married mother of 4. My husband and I have been together for over 6 years and married for 1 year. We have 3 children together and I have one from a previous relationship. She is 9 years old and has a small handicap / disability if you will. ...
A. 18 September 2007: OK, lets focus in a few different areas. You look at keeping your family together, that's a great wish, but doesn't always work. He acts crappy because a child acts up. So who's the adult and who's the child?
Your husband has some major cont... (read in full...)
A man at a bar poured a drink on me, my boyfriend beat him up, and now I'm torn
Q. i got a question and its kinda confussion abit i guess! today is my birthday and last night my bf and i went out to the club and he had gotten real jealious over a guy buying me a drink and asking me for my number, but you see i didnt acce...
A. 18 September 2007: He was looking out for you, but inappropriately. You had yourself covered, he should have let you handle the issue.
I would be worried about the jealousy. His e-mail looked as if he's a bit more dependent on the relationship its self.
I would... (read in full...)
Was my wife the victim of sexual assualt?
Q. Was my wife a likely victim of sexual assault or rape? Before we got together when she was 18 years old she attended a 4th of July party at which she played a drinking game with somef other college students and got so drunk she blacked out. She ...
A. 18 September 2007: I describe rape as not just saying "no" to the act. I also describe it at doing a sexual act with someone who is not in a conscious state of mind to make a decision as to "yes" or "no".
Now since the laws have changed where the term "rape" i... (read in full...)
He's older, messes around with me and looks out for me. Should I date him?
Q. Hi, i really need some advice. i really like this guy i work with. hes much older than me (15 years), and i need help finding out if he likes me too. he always messes around with me ang plays little games. He looks out for me too. what do you think?...
A. 17 September 2007: It's not that he doesn't like. It's fear of change. He likes the role he has with you. If something is that good, and you hear all the horror stories about relationships, why change something that is all ready a good relationship, for the ... (read in full...)
He's older, messes around with me and looks out for me. Should I date him?
Q. Hi, i really need some advice. i really like this guy i work with. hes much older than me (15 years), and i need help finding out if he likes me too. he always messes around with me ang plays little games. He looks out for me too. what do you think?...
A. 17 September 2007: He may like you, but still feels the need of taking care of you. Those are separate rolls. He may not be trying to get too close to you to interrupt the need of taking care of you.... (read in full...)
I was drunk... We got on pretty well, but now I don't remember her name! What do I do?
Q. I met a girl from my university at a party. I hit on her, wanting to make out with her. I was drunk. After kissing her, we began talking. I am very interested. She gave me her number.... I dont remember her name... what do I do?...
A. 17 September 2007: Give her a call, she might not answer and her answering machine may have her name on it, or if she calls you back, you may have her name on caller ID. Just be careful in that direction, may be the roommates name too. It's not good to call girls by ... (read in full...)
Just friends with benefits?
Q. Just friends with Benefits? I am new to this kind of thing, but I needed a real third party perspective on a questionable situation. Bottom line is, I like my friend. We are both in our early 20’s and have been friends since freshman year of...
A. 17 September 2007: You're in your 20's not a child anymore, but acting like a teen as you are bouncing around the question. The next time you see him or he comes by for some action, look at him and ask are we just friends or are we in a relationship together. Hell, ... (read in full...)
How can I keep our relationship fresh?
Q. Hi I dont get to see my bf a lot as he often has a lot of work on. i see him about once a week We talk on the phone and text tho. We went out last week aand i found we didnt have a lot to talk about although i still had fun being with him it ...
A. 17 September 2007: Change what you do, change your routine when you meet when you talk. Pick times where you go out on a date where you choose one time, he chooses the next, neither one of you tells the other where your going, you just have to have the courtesy to ... (read in full...)
Terrified of my families reaction... Is there anyway we can get this out in the open, without it being a big deal?
Q. I am a 32 yaer old woman and for the past year I have been sleeping with my 17 year old step nephew. We both love each other deeply and want to move in together and bring our relationship out into the open. We are afraid of our families reaction. I ...
A. 17 September 2007: I don't think you're going to pull that one off without it being a big deal. There going to look at you like "she should have known better" but much bigger than leaving the cap off the milk. I would think very carefully about when to tell them, how ... (read in full...)
My daughter is acting out to be with my ex and I don't know if I should trust him.
Q. Well an update here for my problems with my ex husband that some of you know about. Its been almost 3 months since my divorce and I thought after going through all the drama with my ex, me and my daughters would and could be fine on our own. That...
A. 17 September 2007: So you're willing to send her to your ex when he would call for the youngest and not the one that you're sending to live with him. By sending her away, you're teaching her that bad behavior is a reason to give her what she wants. She's going to end ... (read in full...)
My ex was the jealous type, and it's really hurt me. Can you give your prespective?
Q. I just broke up with my bf. The thing is that throughout our relationship I think he was jealous of me and this makes no sense to me and I need some perspective. Well we had started dating and I could tell that he felt a little insecure about ...
A. 17 September 2007: First let's take you out of the picture, we all get that you're beautiful, sophisticated and of course whatever. First you compare him a lot to your other boyfriends, He is an individual and should be treated as one. Now I want you to stop thinking... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my family about mine and my boyfriends age difference?
Q. Age gap relationships - how do I talk to my family? I'm 19 (almost 20) and have been seeing a man who is 36 on and off for about a year now. He has an ex-wife and a 5-year-old son who is the most adorable child in the world who both live in ano...
A. 17 September 2007: If your parents fly off the handle, you'll have to handle when you tell them with care. Instead of just outright telling them I would start with something like: I really need to talk to you. I'm afraid you're going to overreact. I don't need ove... (read in full...)
My loving, wonderful boyfriend has changed since his return from Iraq. I don't know what to do.
Q. hay guys! right i have no idea were to start i met this guy 2 yrs ago! the perfect guy eva! we fell in love almost straight away! then he found out he had to go away for 8 months with the army to iraq! then half way though the trip he got a we...
A. 17 September 2007: It's not your fault. He needs to realize getting drunk is a temporary solution. When he sobers up the problem is still there. He needs help. He needs to see someone who is trained in dealing with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Sometimes ... (read in full...)
Is it illegal for a child to have child porn on their computer, if it is of their friends or partners in the same age group?
Q. I am aware that child porn is illegal, but I am currently in highschool, and many of my friends, all of which are under 18, exchange sexually explicit photos. None of these pictures are put on the web, or etc. But they exchange them to each other ...
A. 17 September 2007: Yes it is. It's not against the law for those under 18 to view those under 18, but if caught with the pictures, who's to blame. Quite a few states have a law where the parents are responsible for the actions of their kids. So it would be viewed in ... (read in full...)
I can't tell him that I'm unsure of our relationship b/c his best friend just died - I can't hurt him anymore!
Q. Im so unsure what to do i have been seeing my current boyfriend for a month and its very long distance and ive only seen him a few times in that time. And im going through alot of things this year including the sudden passing of my grandad and i ...
A. 16 September 2007: You are a very caring person. He's lucky to have someone in his life to care as you do.
Thank you for being up front about the past you had experienced, that must be very difficult to deal with. You are strong to have made it through that much trau... (read in full...)
I am 14 with a porn addiction. Is this normal?
Q. I'm a 14 year old girl and I watch porn constantly. Is this normal? I feel like it is not usual for girls to be this horny. Sorry for asking such an akward question, but has anyone been in my position before? ...
A. 16 September 2007: I'm wasn't stating you do porn over the school work. I was giving an example of on way, at your age, you could tell if an addiction was reaching an unhealthy level. For people my age, I would have used going to work, extending lunch breaks etc. ... (read in full...)
Fantasy or Nightmare?
Q. I care very much for my girlfriend and I trust her. When we go out with friends, she often finds it fun to make out with her girl friends, especially when she has been drinking. Maybe I am crazy because for many people this would be their fantasy ...
A. 16 September 2007: It is for fun, if you're single. Being with someone even playing with the same sex is cheating. It's a violation of your trust. If it's something that bothers you, you need to let her know how you feel. If she cares for you, she will respect your ... (read in full...)
I like him, does he like me?
Q. There is a kid in school who I like. I told a classmate who talks to him that I like him. He went ahead and told the kid who I liked that I like him. From that day on he would tease and act mean to me. But than the kid who told his friend that I ...
A. 16 September 2007: I think your friend may be right. Kids get teased for admitting their liking a girl. They act mean around their friends, because they don't want to be teased. When he's not around his friends, he doesn't have to be cautious about his behaviors ... (read in full...)
I am 14 with a porn addiction. Is this normal?
Q. I'm a 14 year old girl and I watch porn constantly. Is this normal? I feel like it is not usual for girls to be this horny. Sorry for asking such an akward question, but has anyone been in my position before? ...
A. 16 September 2007: There are a lot of people in your position. I agree with the doc, but in a way disagree as well. It is unhealthy to consume your mind with it. It can turn out to be an addiction, and not just an every now and then thing. If you read enough of these ... (read in full...)
He sent her a picture of his penis!
Q. There's this site that should be left un-named where you can sell items and a whole bunch of other things are on this site including a personals section.... well I was looking through my boyfriends email box earlier since he's always doing it to me ...
A. 16 September 2007: I think you have reason to worry. You need to remember what relationships are about. There not about jealousy, accusing, mistrust. If they were, we'd be crazy to ever get into one.
When you have feelings he's doing something wrong, trust your feel... (read in full...)
My loving, wonderful boyfriend has changed since his return from Iraq. I don't know what to do.
Q. hay guys! right i have no idea were to start i met this guy 2 yrs ago! the perfect guy eva! we fell in love almost straight away! then he found out he had to go away for 8 months with the army to iraq! then half way though the trip he got a we...
A. 16 September 2007: Look at what's going on as a series of events. Great relationship, fighting a war, then coming back. Most of us can't even imagine what he went through in Iraq. We here stories of what goes on over there, but we're not in the middle of watching war, ... (read in full...)
I can't tell him that I'm unsure of our relationship b/c his best friend just died - I can't hurt him anymore!
Q. Im so unsure what to do i have been seeing my current boyfriend for a month and its very long distance and ive only seen him a few times in that time. And im going through alot of things this year including the sudden passing of my grandad and i ...
A. 14 September 2007: If you're not sure about the relationship. You need to tell him you're not ready for one. He's having a hard time, but it sounds like you are too. Let him know all though you're not ready for a relationship, you'll still be there if he needs a ... (read in full...)
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