| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 23 March 2012: For your information and not to claim that it is entirely accurate: I use the etymological definition of porn. Porn = Prostitute Graph = writing. Writing of prostitutes.
Come to think of it that isn't the definition I use. Material that is ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 22 March 2012: MiaMine,
Oh I do agree that my view is unpopular. I don't expect it to be accepted by any majority. But I feel it is my responsibility to push society in what I believe is a helpful direction. Thanks for reading my opinion.
FA... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 21 March 2012: I'm pretty sure the topic was not which gender is more privileged. I've also noticed that the original anonymous poster has not returned any comment. I've pretty much concluded that every one is going to defend their favorite sexual hobby by ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 19 March 2012: Person thank you for the red herring point. I must agree that the argument against romance novels is most often used this way. I also firmly believe that the excessive use of romance novels is harmful to the user and the relationship. I've been ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 19 March 2012: Well I believe that the comparison has to do with the difference in the way men and women become aroused. This is not true in every case but is a fair approximation. Men are stimulated visually. Women are stimulated emotionally. Just looking at ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 6 March 2012: Hi Nick,
I'm glad to hear that things are going well. A successful Long Distance Relationship is a good indicator of a long term stability for the relationship. You still have a long way to go, be Safe.
FA... (read in full...)
What do I get my boyfriend for our 3 year anniversary?
Q. I'm not sure what to get my boyfriend for our upcoming three year anniversary. Please help! I am so clueless as to what to get my boyfriend and I would appreciate any suggestions. Here's some background... He is 20 years old (will be 21 a month ...
A. 3 March 2012: New at this,
He likes being outdoors and shooting sports. I'd go for some nice wool socks this time of the year. I know not too romantic on the surface. But, any personal gift can be romantic if you make it.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm starting to become a negative person, and I don't like it!
Q. I realized I'm kinda a downer sometimes, like I was talking to my boyfriend, and I was talking about how my club was losing all its members, and all I could think about was how much that sucks, and how I wish I had more people coming to club. ...
A. 3 March 2012: Shadow Rose,
You worry too much. You are under a lot of stress right now, and you don't feel quite your self. It's winter and you aren't getting outside much. That alone will cause you to be a bit depressed and to eat more. As Rozet suggeste... (read in full...)
Why would my Bf react in this very strong way when I touched his anal area?
Q. Most men like some anal activity; yes or no?? Is it wrong to insert a finger in your bf anus if you blow him? My bf almost went beserk and told me to NOT do that!!Is he scared that i might find out he had sex with another man....or is he just scar...
A. 3 March 2012: Brens,
Be careful when using generalizations when dealing with specifics. When you say things like "most men like" you are making an assumption that your guy will behave in a specific way. Your experience is that he didn't react that way.
... (read in full...)
Why do pimples with pus form when I shave private areas?
Q. Hi guys, I am in need of your help and advice. Heres the problem - Whenever I shave private areas (everytime I shave), I get little pimples around the shaven areas. They're very sore and often itchy, with a pus lump and there are quite a lot of t...
A. 3 March 2012: I have had this trouble on my chin. A patch of small pimples including pustules. Shaving irritates your skin and scrapes off a thin layer of skin. This opens you up for infections. What works for me is to clean the skin before shaving with an ... (read in full...)
He's twice my age, has children and has asked me out. I've accepted but where do I go from here?
Q. Oh my gosh. So today at work I was talking to the man who is twice my age and who I am interested in and he has admitted to being attracted to me as well...., and he asked me on a date!! (Reminder: he has been married for 18 years and currentl...
A. 11 February 2012: Interesting question, Talking about exes is part of the territory. I know you want to escape it but it simply isn't going to happen reliably. It really doesn't have much to do with his interest in you. It is that 18 years is a big part of his ... (read in full...)
Can a boy in college around pretty girls stay a virgin?
Q. Hey Everyone, okay, so this guy that I'm not actually officially dating, but we have been a thing for almost two years is away at college. which is kind of why we're not together. He tells me he is still a virgin, but I don't believe him because ...
A. 10 February 2012: All relationships are relationships of trust. You don't trust him. You think that his actions don't match his words. That is a very good reason not to trust someone. Your lack of trust or his lack of trustworthiness is weakening your ... (read in full...)
He's twice my age, has children and has asked me out. I've accepted but where do I go from here?
Q. Oh my gosh. So today at work I was talking to the man who is twice my age and who I am interested in and he has admitted to being attracted to me as well...., and he asked me on a date!! (Reminder: he has been married for 18 years and currentl...
A. 10 February 2012: How to play this? play it safe. this is still a very dicey situation. all the warnings are correct.
You are right to look for common ground. If you can achieve that you have half a chance. But, if you really don't want a relation... (read in full...)
Twice my age but interested, curious but nervous
Q. So to make a long story short, I am 22 and my boyfriend for 3 years and I broke up just before the new year (2012). Shortly there after, one the regular customers at the restaurant I work at, whom I talk to on a daily basis and have gotten to know ...
A. 7 February 2012: Missy, You are asking the wrong questions. You ask is it wrong to develop a relationship with a married man? You know the answer to that! You should be asking, is this safe for me? How will I get hurt. Is he telling me the truth? What wil... (read in full...)
I'm sneaking out to date because my parents don't approve of a "non college boy'
Q. long story but i hope some people are willing to read it and help me. I appreciate it. I met a guy 2 1/2 months ago and we clicked. Everything about him is wonderful and i felt like it was meant to be...Yes i'm only 18 and he's 20 and it just ...
A. 7 February 2012: There are plenty of college graduates without jobs. A degree is no guarantee of success in life. My sister is a school teacher Her Husband manages restaurants. They both have degrees. he isn't working in the area he studied. He is working the ... (read in full...)
It's been 5 days.....should I text him or wait?
Q. i met a guy at a bar 5 days back.He came to talk to and gave me lots of compliments and we both had a good time talking, drinking etc.He said he was new in town and didn't have any friends and I offered to hangout.He took my number and then text me ...
A. 2 February 2012: Let me think today is Thursday, You met him Saturday. You offered a "Hangout". By definition hanging out requires no prior arrangements. You should hear from him Friday or Saturday. He is thinking weekday stuff now. Tomorrow afternoon his ... (read in full...)
Should my spy reply to this message?
Q. I asked a male friend of mine on FB to do some snoop work for me about a potential future boyfriend. The chap who wanted to help me ended up receiving an actual message from the guy (bf) in question telling him that a little bird told him that he's ...
A. 2 February 2012: I'm considerably older than 35 and if I was in the dating scene I would expect women to check my background.
I'm pretty sure Not telling the truth is a bad idea as well.
He already knows.
FA... (read in full...)
A crush gone wrong....should I stay friends with all of them? Or should I move on?
Q. Well, I like this guy (Let's call him Adam) that I've been friends with since Freshman year of high school. During Freshman year I was really shy. I didn't want him to know that I liked him, so I concealed my emotions by denying to like him and even ...
A. 2 February 2012: Dear confused, lost, foolish girl in love,
You certainly aren't afraid to write a long letter. Most of the aunts here won't take the time to read all that so that is why it is taking so long to get an answer. So often by the time you have wri... (read in full...)
Is there really a 'generic' cheaper Viagra or like name brand men can buy?
Q. Is there really a generic Viagra or like name brand men can buy? Does anyone in the U.S. know of a tried and true ID pill that really works...not the fake stuff that claims to grow your penis. We have been dealing with ID for over a year now, ...
A. 30 January 2012: Generic Viagra, not in the united states. Insurance that pays for ED medication, Wow I wish I could have got that. I've always had to buy mine at full price. Canada, yep that's what I ended up doing. Cialis works for me but I'm guessing the OP ... (read in full...)
Black specks in underware mean?
Q. Black specks in my husband briefs after washing; what does that mean if anything?...
A. 30 January 2012: I've come up with a few in my white undershirts. Most were work related, Hot metal fragments, or bits of tar from cleaning. Not sure how that would get to briefs. I have to admit I thought of mascara it is very sticky, but would smear with ... (read in full...)
Why do some women want to control their ex boyfriends life?
Q. Simple Question: Why do women control or want to control their ex boyfriends? even after several years ,and several new relationships. Ex. I have a friend who remains friends with some and/or still contact ALL their ex's, but completely gets ...
A. 30 January 2012: Sounds like she is a collector. I've run across a few in my life. They believe in a twisted way that the people they have known Men and women are their property. They put a great deal of energy into controlling them and enforcing their rules. ... (read in full...)
She wants me to have sex with someone else before we get married. What should I do?
Q. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. It all started with “what would you do if..” questions. A few questions in, it was my turn: Me: “What’s the first thing you’d do if we broke up?” Her: “Hmm.. More girl’s nights! What’s the first ...
A. 23 January 2012: Well, what do you believe? Do you believe that sex belongs only in a close committed relationship? You have been living your life that way. Do you believe that an outside adventure will hurt your relationship? You have some evidence on your ... (read in full...)
My wife seems to be addicted to making friends with men on the internet!
Q. What is your take on this? My wife is addicted to the internet. She is on there constantly, to the point that she neglects just about everything else in her life. I found out a few things and it has been bothering me to no end. What started the susp...
A. 23 January 2012: I know I was the first to post and it was quite short. There is nothing wrong with your level of trust. You don't trust someone who is actively seeking an outside relationship. You don't trust someone who lies to you. You don't get intimate with ... (read in full...)
I cant orgasm during intercourse is it my fault or his?
Q. Im very physically and mentally attracted to my boyfriend, but when we had sex i NEVER orgasm, i only orgasm when he fingers me, when we have sex it lasts awhile, long enough to where i should have "gotten off" but i dont even though the sensation ...
A. 19 January 2012: From your description there is no mechanical problem. If the sensation is there then he must be hitting the right spots. It is said that an orgasm takes place between your ears mot between your legs. For some reason you are not allowing yourself ... (read in full...)
Are there women and men that think (like me) that oral sex is not romantic ?
Q. u can`t feel the emotional connection with ur lover , i know that it feels good but not that good to me i`d rather have sex i`m talking about a loving,tender relathionship not a one night stand u can`t look in their eyes and feel the connect...
A. 19 January 2012: Blue Flower,
It tickles my funny bone when young people ask if they are weird. Personally I think oral sex is way oversold. So you don't agree with the opinion of the week. If you followed every whim of society you would be wishy-wa... (read in full...)
How can I tell this teacher that I respect and appreciate what he does for my class?
Q. Hey guys, just a quick one :) There is a teacher (no, I don't fancy him/ love him etc) but I do really appreciate him. He is such a lovely guy even in class and we have had a few out of class discussions. We get on well, but I am nothing special ...
A. 19 January 2012: I'll tell you what teachers want. They want you to succeed, they want you to understand their topics and move forward in knowledge. That is the best way to show you appreciate him.
Another good thing is to sit towards the front of the class.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend being childish about going down on me. Anyone else having the same issues? What did you do about it?
Q. Ok so, its more something to rage off a bit. I've seen these topics a lot but still, I just NEED to rage it off. The point is, I've been in a very loving relationship for like 7 months now, and we're sexually very active, I have given my boyfrien...
A. 19 January 2012: OK this is How see it after thinking about it.
Not giving him oral is "withholding".
Not giving him oral until he gives you oral is "a who sacrifices more challenge".
"withholding" and "challenge" will surly lead to "BREAK UP".
Seems ... (read in full...)
My wife seems to be addicted to making friends with men on the internet!
Q. What is your take on this? My wife is addicted to the internet. She is on there constantly, to the point that she neglects just about everything else in her life. I found out a few things and it has been bothering me to no end. What started the susp...
A. 17 January 2012: I think that new love is more exciting. I know for a fact that what women call butterflys, are addictive. I believe that your wife is in a fog and can not see clearly how she is hurting you. Yes I would be worried.
FA... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my employee. And love my wife. Can I stay close friends with my employee, and yet not allow it to become more?
Q. I have been married for 12 years and have 2 young children, a boy and a girl with my wife. At my work, there is a woman who works for me that I have grown fond of over the years and in recent months I have admitted to her that I had feelings for...
A. 16 January 2012: OK,
Birdy covered it but I am going to let you have it from the man's side.
You had an affair. You are still in the "affair fog". You believe that you can maintain the friendship without slipping further into the emotional affair. The fact th... (read in full...)
Is my wife testing me? My sister in law is way too flirty. My wife wants me to get on better with this woman.
Q. My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about ...
A. 16 January 2012: You are all missing something here. What is the Sister in laws motivation? It isn't sex. It isn't close family relations. It is power. She wants to prove that she has more power to attract you than your wife does. Really she just wants to prove ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to profoundly hurt someone you care about?
Q. Can best friends hurt each other? Words of comfort, if you have any...? I don't really have the wisdom to answer this, but I can accept an honest answer. There is this friend that I love dearly, and he and I were like siblings, but recently...
A. 8 January 2012: With no details to go on there is not much we can say. MishMash covered the first important part that only the people who we are closest to have the power to hurt us the most. There is one other thing you mentioned that makes me want to add ... (read in full...)
Us women want Pleasure Too!
Q. Why is it that most men ALWAYS want their Women to go DOWN on them. BUT in return Some men DONT want to go DOWN on their Women. Why is that? US WOMEN WANT TO BE PLEASURED TOO!...
A. 6 January 2012: Why is the most "requested" sex act also the most "detested" sex act?
FA... (read in full...)
Sex is like...?
Q. I really want to have sex but don't have a boyfriend. Could someone please tell me what it feels like to have sex. Like comparisons. ...
A. 5 January 2012: Mostly I'm answering this because the question has the potential to be a fun discussion.
On a personal note to the original poster, the key to great sex is a well built trusting relationship.
Sex is like sharing a really great desert. ... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 5 January 2012: Whats the hurry? It's not as if you are some hormone charged teenager. She is still in the past relationship. Ay least wait until his stuff is gone. 9 more months would be preferable.
FA... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriends jealousy going overboard? Or is it ok?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend were at my house in my room just listening to music. and than His friend comes over and jumps on my bed next to me. i just rolled my eyes and said what do i own this great honor to? he gave me a smirk and said you can be ...
A. 3 January 2012: Not overboard at all. There are legal questions here. The texts and suggestive talk are sexual harassment. The taking off your shirt is sexual assault. The punching is battery.
The reason we write laws about this is because they are not acce... (read in full...)
Is it normal to suddenly feel insecure in a new relationship?
Q. I am a 29 year old woman with a not-so-great track record with relationships. I have not been in a normal relationship for several years. I have been dating a wonderful, kind man for almost six months now. I took things very slowly in the beginning, ...
A. 30 December 2011: You bet this is normal. In my study of dream psychology (strictly amateur) I have run into this a lot. If you think of this in terms of you conscious mind and your sub conscious mind, it will help your understanding.
Your conscious mind is ... (read in full...)
Partner doesn't support my change of eating habits!
Q. I've decided to change my eating habits for health reasons and my partner is not helping because he does a lot of the cooking and won't prepare the healthier meals I want, and when I say I'll do my own food he gets offended. We also used to drink ...
A. 30 December 2011: This is an interesting question, that I have some personal experience with and some friend experience.
I'm Diabetic (type to sugar diabetes). Before I was diagnosed my wife was desperately trying to control her weight. But I love food, So I kep... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 30 December 2011: Thanks for following up!
The big key is to be flexible (mentally) and just keep trying until it works for both of you.
FA... (read in full...)
My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life
Q. My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life. 8 years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, she convinced me to have a vasectomy so we would not have any more children. Immediately afterwards, my wife's ...
A. 29 December 2011: I'm glad to hear you are confident and that you are serious about keeping the wedding vows. I see that your eyes are open. That was my main concern. Yes get into counseling this is too much for you to bear.
FA... (read in full...)
I love my b/f but sometimes my sarcastic sense of humor hurts him
Q. My Boyfriend loves me alot, more than anyone ive even been with and i love him so much too. Hes very thoughtful and affectionate and is always showing his love for me in many ways, sounds perfect right? wrong, i love him just as much, but im not the ...
A. 28 December 2011: Sarcasm is a dangerous road. He is likely not the first person you have hurt with your sense of humor. This is just the first time it has come back to bite you. Sarcasm and put down humor are never polite, and frequently hurtful.
Your ... (read in full...)
My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life
Q. My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life. 8 years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, she convinced me to have a vasectomy so we would not have any more children. Immediately afterwards, my wife's ...
A. 28 December 2011: I know this is going to sound cold, but this is a real possibility and you should be told.
1)Prepare yourself financially, move the money out of joint accounts. Get your affairs in order. Don't do anything that could compromise your case.
... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: ***General Dear Cupid disclaimer***
Often times when responding to a question on Dear Cupid we have incomplete information. We are forced to either go with what we have and make the best guesses we can, or just skip the question. We apologiz... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: how is it possible?
Believe it or not, overweight people, both men and women, do have sex. You boy friends BMI is about the same as my wife's so if he carries his fat out front it may be a bit difficult to see his equipment when he is standing... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 15 August 2011: Case Closed? You are just weeks away from the challenging part. Write back after homecoming, or better yet after your finals.
Call me skeptical.
FA... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Hi again Nick,
As a parent who is sending two kids to University this year I have some personal non relationship advice for you. It sounds like you went to a small high school like I did. You got along great with your teachers and they enjoyed ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Nick, I'll admit that my first answer was pretty flip. With what you've written, I think you deserve a real answer. The trouble is my experience leads me to think along the same lines as her father. You are going to have to prove to him that... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Let's see, you're over 18, she's under 16, Dad likes to hunt. Based on that I'd wear something bullet proof.
FA... (read in full...)
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