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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Flirting gone way, way too far... should my husband's co-worker be told?
Q. My husband is in love with a co-worker. She started working at his company in August 2006. He shared with me that he was in love with her in May 2007. He has always been an incessant flirt, and she probably doesn't realize how much he "gets off" ...
A. 18 December 2007: You Have a FRIEND Who WORKS WITH HIM????
Well, then!!!!
You should stay out of it! But that doesn't mean that your FRIEND has to stay out of it! It sounds like he is making a total fool of himself, and he is having a mid-life crisis. I have a... (read in full...)
He said we are 'too differant', I think we are perfect!
Q. Well, last night he told me that he thinks we are "too different" and that he doesn't think it will work out. I am crazy about him. He's a carpenter. I am a corporate professional and I think that the disparity in our incomes bothers him. He ...
A. 14 December 2007: You are the best judge here, go with what you are feeling. Give him a chance and let him see that you heart doesn't waiver, maybe constancy is what he wants to see. If he's still asking you to go with him on weekends, that a great sign! We are ... (read in full...)
I am ready, but he doesn't want to marry me...yet!
Q. I've known my boyfriend for 3 years, and we've been dating just over two and a half. Though we've had our ups and downs it's been a good relationship. We both discussed marriage and decided on a year half- 2 years. He has recently said he...
A. 13 December 2007: You are really young to get married these days, but I can understand your impatience to get on with your lives. Are you engaged? If he wants to wait a few years before marriage, would a long engagement be a good compromise for you? At least that ... (read in full...)
I have been ignoring his calls. Am I being rude, or smart?
Q. There's a guy who I worked with for 6 yrs., and I never really liked being around him because he would throw fits and get mad for no reason, and start throwing things and punching things at work which the boss did nothing b/c he is afraid of ...
A. 13 December 2007: This guy is dangerous. Start documenting his phone call attempts. If he should try to contact you by showing up at your door, call the police. Then get a restraining order. For now, just continue ignoring him. It's not rude, it's ... (read in full...)
He had a lap dance and wanted to 'lick' her. I consider this cheating, he doesnt.
Q. Has my husband cheated? how many would consider this to be cheating, my husband went to a lapdancing club unbeknown to me at the time, and had a private dance, full nude.I since found out by accident, heard him talking to somebody else who had been ...
A. 13 December 2007: I WOULD BE SO FURIOUS. Absolutely!!! You were right to nearly leave him!
I think that he still has not come to his senses. He still denies his actions, he hasn't properly apologized. He hasn't taken any responsibility for his actions here. If ... (read in full...)
My wife can't reach climax through intercourse
Q. I was married this feb. Since then my wife has never reached climax during intercourse but finger fucking works each and everytime. She doesnt feel any pleasure during intercourse but likes foreplay. She neither likes oral sex, which i like very ...
A. 13 December 2007: 75% of women do not reach orgasm by penetration alone. So that's really pretty normal. The fact that she is having orgasms means you are doing something right! It's early days still. She probably needs more time to get more comfortable with sex. ... (read in full...)
He said we are 'too differant', I think we are perfect!
Q. Well, last night he told me that he thinks we are "too different" and that he doesn't think it will work out. I am crazy about him. He's a carpenter. I am a corporate professional and I think that the disparity in our incomes bothers him. He ...
A. 13 December 2007: What a shame! I'm sad too after reading this! He's missing out on a great opportunity here. This is all about his hang-up with the difference in your jobs. That's terrible. I wish I knew how to help. He wants to stop this before it even gets ... (read in full...)
Query on female anatomy
Q. I am very confused and need some help. Does every girl have a clitoris and clitoral hood? Or is it possible to not be able to see them? thanks...
A. 13 December 2007: Every girl has both, although the size and shape vary quite a bit. Some clitoris are larger and protrude past the hood, others are totally hidden by it. They all work the same way. ... (read in full...)
My roommate sabotages my love life
Q. I recently met a guy when I was out with some friends, including my roommate, who was one of my best friends at the time. The two of us hit it off right away, and he spent the entire night by my side, talking and joking with me. He walked me home to ...
A. 13 December 2007: Unfortunately, this happens a lot with Uni friendship, for guys and girls. My son's friends still don't seem to understand the cardinal rule, don't sleep with friends ex's and crushes. It's a good way to find out who your friends are and how much ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that she'll contact me again?
Q. I recently got dumped by my girlfriend. At the start she was still in love with her ex and i started out cautiously. The first 3 months were great; we had loads of fun. She lived a good bit away from me and since i wasn't driving at the time she ...
A. 13 December 2007: Be careful what you wish for. It sounds like you already know why you broke up. If you are always putting your feelings ahead of hers, then it's natural that she would think that you really don't care about her. Your love of drama and letting ... (read in full...)
Should I accept that he receives sexual pictures from other men??
Q. hi, i have a bit of a problem. Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship. We have been together for 18 months and 6 months ago i moved to a different country to work. We love each other more than anything, we see each other about twic...
A. 13 December 2007: I think it's one thing to view porn on the net, but a totally different thing to exchange pictures with other individuals. That's kind of interviewing for a future date in my eyes. If he's also corresponding, well then! That's not porn at all, ... (read in full...)
Should I tell this guy's wife, that my ex gf is cheating with her husband?
Q. I've known for a while now that my ex is seeing a guy who's married with kids and I didn't really think anything of it. Now my brother has made me feel like I have some sort of responsibility to tell his wife what he's up to with my ex. My ex ...
A. 13 December 2007: Your brother is wrong here. It's not your responsibility. She may well know. Most wives do. It's not your place to inform someone that they are being cheated on, whether you know someone involved or not. I think your brother wants to get back ... (read in full...)
Flirting gone way, way too far... should my husband's co-worker be told?
Q. My husband is in love with a co-worker. She started working at his company in August 2006. He shared with me that he was in love with her in May 2007. He has always been an incessant flirt, and she probably doesn't realize how much he "gets off" ...
A. 12 December 2007: Innocent Flirting, kind of an oxymoron, right? I think she already knows he's getting off and that's why she's doing it. Not so innocent. Why give her the pleasure of letting her know that she is having the effect that she intended to with your ... (read in full...)
My wife says no sex until I loose weight! Am I wrong to be thinking I shouldn't have to lose weight to save my marriage?
Q. my wife married met me, married me, and great sex with me, i was a big man when she met me....now we've been married for 5 years and fot the last few years, she dosnt want to have sex with me anymore becasue of my weight, she says i need to lose ...
A. 12 December 2007: Start an exercise program as soon as possible, for the sake of your own health. After a week or two, after she sees that you are committed to the program, remind your wife how many calories sex burns and the fact that your trainer recommends it. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to give up porn...and I would choose her but I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not.
Q. Before anyone chips in and says that I don't understand this from the female perspective, please hear me out - because I have read posts, and heard views from the female side - and believe me they are pretty mixed. My girlfriend and I have been tog...
A. 12 December 2007: If you were compulsive and viewing porn constantly, say an hour a day, then yes, I'd be hurt and angry, about it. But I tend to feel that watching on occasion is probably normal for a guy. If your life revolves around it, not cool, every once in a ... (read in full...)
He wont go down on me until we are married but we aren't even engaged.
Q. I have been with my man for a little over 2 years and he won't go down on me, he has NEVER gone down on me or anyone else for that matter. He says he'll do it when we are married (not that we are even engaged yet!) but sometimes he teases me and ...
A. 12 December 2007: I think that "no oral" should go both ways. Tell him you are giving up blow jobs until marriage.
See if he changes his tune after a long dry spell! I bet he starts "singing" very, very soon - no man likes to go "without" for long!
Hope this hel... (read in full...)
Am I losing my skills or were there enviromental factors affecting the situation which were beyond my control?...
Q. I'm normally great at picking up girls in clubs and pubs, but last night I just kept getting rejected. Girls were like, "talk to the hand loser!" I think I was a bit drunk so my suave was probably not on top form, and also there was a bad ratio of...
A. 12 December 2007: Maybe they were blinded by your humility. Yikes. Get down off the pedestal that you have put yourself on. Girls know when guys are being false. Being sloppy drunk is not pretty, either. All girls want to be with a nice, genuine guy who is ... (read in full...)
New feature: Keyword + phrases links
Q. Hi There are over 40,000 questions here on dearcupid and some absolute gems in amongst them. Problem is it has been hard to make associations between similar questions in order to get the most out of the site. So, I've introduced a new feat...
A. 12 December 2007: That's a wonderful tool! It's a big benefit to the question asker and a really helpful improvement to the site. Well done Andrew! ... (read in full...)
She says she's going to leave her husband for me, but I'm not sure, neither me or her husband deserve this, should I say enough is enough?
Q. i am having an affair with a married girl , i have tried to end it cause i love her but she cannot be with me . but she came right bk the next day saying she had made a mistake to let me go , and i am the only one she wants so i took her bk , and ...
A. 12 December 2007: If her husband contacted you before, it was because he suspected the fact that you were "involved" with his wife. If she hasn't left him after 7 months, and there are NO children involved, you already have your answer. She is going on this holiday ... (read in full...)
My wife says I'm oversexed and I say she is undersexed, what would you say?
Q. Hi I need sex at least once a day. My wife of 12 years is quite happy if we have sex once a month. When we do its great. She suffers from a low sex drive. It seems like its heriditry. Could her being on the pill cause this ? She says all h...
A. 11 December 2007: The pill can put a damper on the sex drive. It happened to me. Why not try an alternate method like an intrauterine contraceptive device that doesn't interfere with the hormones? OR a vasectomy if you have finished having your family? Freedom ... (read in full...)
I'm working on getting over the break up and visuals of other women being with him, I feel robbed, betrayed and angry, help!
Q. Alright I have been on this off and on for a few weeks to see if anyone is going through something similiar and if I could get some info off of theirs. Found one or two, but not exact so im just going to go w/it. I broke up w/my boyfriend of 2 y...
A. 11 December 2007: Good for you! I'm sorry that you were disappointed in love but you did the right thing for your own self-esteem. I wouldn't second-guess yourself. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. If you let the images and the past embitter you, he ... (read in full...)
My brother is having surgery today and I need some prayers and word of support
Q. My brother is undergoing surgery to remove a brain tumor today. He has been fighting brain cancer for 5 years. We lost our Dad at the end of September. He is only 11 months older than me, so when we were growing up, we were very close. If you ...
A. 11 December 2007: Hi Everyone,
My thanks for all of your prayers, thoughts and wishes. Thank you Blue0316 for your touching story, your strength gave me hope and courage.
He is in recovery, moving all his arms and legs, and talking! Yay! They apparently ... (read in full...)
15, pregnant, and my parents are angry with me. What should I do?
Q. I am 15 and pregnant. I am soooo scared but feel that with support i can do this. My boyfriend has just turned 18, he is my brothers friend. He says he will support me whatever happens, he has a good job and says he will do everything to support his ...
A. 11 December 2007: Hi,
I'm sorry that you have had it so tough in the past, it's hard to know what kind of families people have experienced and most people assume that people come from the traditional family. Hopefully, with everything that you've been through, you ... (read in full...)
He treats me more like a slave than an equal partner. What am I to do?
Q. I have moved from one country to another for my former fiance(well,now my husband)just a year ago. Before I moved, I made a good living and had a nice job etc and was very happy. Moving to this country, language became a barrier for me and so thus I ...
A. 11 December 2007: Withholding and controlling money is a form of abuse. And NOW he is starting the REAL abuse to go along with it. The name-calling and then "I love you" is a way to mentally confuse you and rob you of the last of your self-esteem so that he is in ... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to remove the foreskin to have babies?
Q. I just wanted to know that if it necessary to remove foreskin of the penis while having babies ....
A. 11 December 2007: If you meant do all babies need their foreskins removed? No, It's a matter of choice.
If you meant does the foreskin prevent pregnancy? No, She can still get pregnant.
If you meant can you get a girl pregnant if your foreskin doesn't retract?... (read in full...)
He's a cheapskate, but am I making a big deal out of his stereotyping people?
Q. I've been dating this guy that I really like for the past month and half. There are two things about him that I would change if I could. He is a bit cheap, he will tell me to pay for stuff when we go out and I don't mind doing it but I do mind him ...
A. 11 December 2007: The fact that it upsets you and he is unaware of it is a bit of a red flag. As Peoriaman says, if he is this bad now, it doesn't sound like he'll change. I hate to tell you, but both of those things aren't small things. They are both pretty big ... (read in full...)
What should I think of her being distant and confused?
Q. I have been dating this girl for over 2 months and previously dated her in the spring but she broke it off! After missing each other she asked me out and we got back together. I love this girl and she tells me that she wants to be with me but she ...
A. 11 December 2007: If you had already broken up once before, perhaps relationship doesn't have what it takes to go the distance. Perhaps she "sucks at relationships", or maybe she doesn't see this as anything more than casual. Ask her if she wants a deeper emotional ... (read in full...)
15, pregnant, and my parents are angry with me. What should I do?
Q. I am 15 and pregnant. I am soooo scared but feel that with support i can do this. My boyfriend has just turned 18, he is my brothers friend. He says he will support me whatever happens, he has a good job and says he will do everything to support his ...
A. 11 December 2007: It should be interesting to find out how you feel about them this time next year. You know, they are your parents, but they are just people. This time next year, you will be a parent too. Remember that when you are walking the floor with your ... (read in full...)
How can I find out about contaceptive pills?
Q. Hi, as i m physically active. I want to know the intructions of taking oral contraceptive pills for protection. I have usually heard that u should start taking the pill after 5 days of ur periods but since i have not got my periods yet wanted to ...
A. 10 December 2007: Sorry, I was mistaken. Your doctor would be the best one to tell you how to start if your periods are absent.... (read in full...)
He looks at me a lot. Does he like me?
Q. Hi i'm friends with this lad at my college, we haven't known each other long but get on well. We all hang out at dinner and breaks because we are all in the same classes so its easier. It just lately i have been getting feeling for him and it ...
A. 10 December 2007: I think that it's quite possible that he likes you, from what you have described. Try This. Next time he leaves his leg pressed up against yours, make a game out of it. Press back and give him a sweet smile. If he participates - well then - you ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance I'm pregnant? I'm scared!
Q. well im fallen in loove with my boyfriend so since im a virgin i decided to wait awhile before we have sex but one time when i was drunk he rubbed his penis on my vagina. like he was trying to put it in but he couldnt. im not sure if there was ...
A. 10 December 2007: It's possible but HIGHLY unlikely. Highly. Everyone has scares. They are there for a reason! Next time, don't let any pre-cum near your vagina and put on a condom right away. If you do miss your period, take an over-the-counter- test right away ... (read in full...)
15, pregnant, and my parents are angry with me. What should I do?
Q. I am 15 and pregnant. I am soooo scared but feel that with support i can do this. My boyfriend has just turned 18, he is my brothers friend. He says he will support me whatever happens, he has a good job and says he will do everything to support his ...
A. 10 December 2007: They are just doing this because they are very angry. They are angry because they weren't expecting to be raising another child/grandchild right now and they feel that the bulk of the responsibility for you and this baby will still rest on them. ... (read in full...)
How can I find out about contaceptive pills?
Q. Hi, as i m physically active. I want to know the intructions of taking oral contraceptive pills for protection. I have usually heard that u should start taking the pill after 5 days of ur periods but since i have not got my periods yet wanted to ...
A. 10 December 2007: If you have not gotten your period yet, you need to go to a doctor. He can tell you if you are pregnant or not before you go on the pill. You should go very soon, not having your periods is the biggest sign of pregnancy. Taking the pill is not a ... (read in full...)
I need reassurance with my decision.
Q. I've posted many times on here because I'm still struggling with breaking up with my ex. I felt that he disrespected me by asking me to smoke or drink over and over after I had said no many times. He also, made me feel guilty for wanting to stop ...
A. 10 December 2007: You are so involved here that you can't see the forest for the trees. Did you read your letter after you posted it? He is such a control freak, and has you second-guessing yourself so much, that it is bordering on abuse. He tells you what to do, ... (read in full...)
He's everything I wanted in a bf, except for the fact he smokes a lot of grass.
Q. I'm having a problem I can't really talk to my friends or family about - so I joined this site in hopes of getting some unbiased answers. I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. He is totally everything that I want in a boyfriend... ...
A. 10 December 2007: Most of the people that I knew that smoked a lot of weed never amounted to anything because it sucked the ambition out of them. You may have to sit him down and discuss it. Weekends? Why not. Everyday? Not a good sign. Any kind of behaviour ... (read in full...)
My daughters dad is in and out of our lives and I am getting sick of it.
Q. My daughter's dad have been in and out of our lives. We recently went our ways, again. We agree we would start our lives fresh...all over..clean slate. Leave the past in the past. However, he would then he wouldn't. It's like he'll have a ...
A. 9 December 2007: That's a shame. You aren't reponsible for his actions. The mark of an adult is that they take responsibility for their own actions. Even if he has given up any rights to his child, he will always be the child's biological father. Rise above any ... (read in full...)
My daughters dad is in and out of our lives and I am getting sick of it.
Q. My daughter's dad have been in and out of our lives. We recently went our ways, again. We agree we would start our lives fresh...all over..clean slate. Leave the past in the past. However, he would then he wouldn't. It's like he'll have a ...
A. 9 December 2007: I think that you have gotten into a pattern, he knows that he can do what he likes and get away with it and that you will forgive him and take him back, just to have him do it all over again. People will only get away with what you let them get ... (read in full...)
To boys: are you afraid of being turned down by a very pretty girl, therefore prefer someone "in your league" ?
Q. Guys please help me. Is it true that some guys are scared of being knocked down by a very pretty girl and that you go for someone who is slightly more in your 'league' ?? I have friends who are told they are pretty the whole time and are not s...
A. 9 December 2007: I have to say, as shallow as it might seem, most of the couples that I have known over the years that have had long and successful relationships are pretty evenly matched in the looks department. WHY? Not a clue. I suspect that we look at our ... (read in full...)
Does he love me or is he just with me because he thinks he cant get anybody else??
Q. Okay. So I'm dating this guy and we have been dating 7 months. He thinks he's ugly and that I could do better, but gets super jealous when I even talk to another guy. Recently he asked for a 3 sum, and I'm bisexual. So of course I said yes. But why ...
A. 9 December 2007: Nice answer Peoriaman.
Just because there is such a thing as a threesome, doesn't make it a normal part of everyone's sex life. The fact that you are questioning his love for you after this request kind of points to the fact that it's not righ... (read in full...)
Do I risk another year of drama for the chance that she might like me??
Q. I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I consider myself bisexual, even though I've never actually been in a relationship with another girl. Only my closest friends know about my sexuality. I have to tell a little bit of a backstory to get people to ...
A. 9 December 2007: After the last season, Ouch by the way, I'd be inclined to sit on the bench for a while. There really isn't a hurry or a timeline here. Wouldn't it be prudent to simply take a wait and see attitude? If she is interested, she will tip her hat and ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my friend how I feel about her so that she listerns to everything I have to say??
Q. I want to tell my close friend about my feelings. I want to tell her i really like this girl, and explain how long and also that i'm afraid she won't feel the same and risk of ruining the friendship and ask her. What do you reckon i sholud do? She ...
A. 9 December 2007: "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained" and "Faint heart never won Fair Maiden".
I think that it is a VERY sweet way to tell her. Are you prepared for both outcomes (just in case)? I DO hope that it's the one that you wish for.
Best of luck, De... (read in full...)
Am I normal? I can flirt with strangers but not with my bf.
Q. Is there something wrong with me? When im talking to strangers i have the ability to get very flirty and talk suggestively and feel more confident with the physical things as well. As soon as i get a boyfriend i suddenly become really frigid! ...
A. 9 December 2007: It's easier to flirt with a stranger. Your boyfriend knows you well and would know if you were being somewhat false (or possibly a bit silly). Your being unable to project the same "femme fatale" role could just be your own way of showing yourself ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my ex saying I'm bi-polar??
Q. My ex is crazy! When we were together he posted a video of us on youtube. Now, one of his comments said I am his ex fiance and I had some emotional and mental problems. Yeah right! I broke up with him because he was emotionally abusive and he just ...
A. 9 December 2007: You are wasting a whole lot of mental energy on your ex. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by getting into a mud-slinging match with your ex. If he had an ounce of common-decency, he would not be discussing your health or past-relationship, ... (read in full...)
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