Like what
she writes?
... Add *untyEm to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
|
| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
|
Had a row, he went to ex's flat, stayed the night, do I believe that nothing happened?
Q. Had a row with my boyfriend he went to the ex flat stayed the night says nothing happened should i believe him ? ...
A. 31 January 2012: No way of knowing but why did he go directly to the ex? Did he not have a mate or a relative to go to?
I would be suspicious of a man who 'involves' his ex into a row.
How long have you been together and why is the ex, the ex?... (read in full...)
Dating 3 months, no sex. Shall I leave?
Q. I need some imput. I have a new girlfriend and everything is good except for us not having sex yet. When we started to go out we both agreed that we were going to take things slow, and we have been to this point but Im a man that has needs and I ...
A. 31 January 2012: I am not surprised she hasn't rushed into sex with you and I applaud her for her decision. A lot of new relationships die because people have sex too soon and it is very often the man who goes 'off the boil' once he has gotten what he wants.
For a... (read in full...)
Can a girl still conquer a guy who says he only wants to be friends?
Q. A friend and I became super friends and confidants.His girlfriend left him for another guy 1 year ago and after having been his girlfriend for 7 years he cannot get over the loss, therefore I had refused to say anything about it. The big mistake I ...
A. 31 January 2012: I just want to second cerberus answer as it is 100% correct.
The guy doesn't want you and it's time to move on.
I am facing this myself at the moment and it's very very hard, but once you come to a decision to quit (and I believe you have... (read in full...)
Was he sincere or just playing games?
Q. My husband told me 4 months ago that he was done with our marriage and leaving. He has left me and our children 4 times over the last several years. Each time he has come back (because I have asked or begged him to). He did not say when he was ...
A. 31 January 2012: He most likely does not want to be named in the divorce. Once you begin the process, your husband can play some very dirty tricks and if he can prove you are having an affair (even a close friendship) he may prevent you getting what you are entitled ... (read in full...)
How can I relax and not sabotage this potentially wonderful relationship?
Q. Hi everyone. A quick question, I am in a relationship with a stunning gregarious woman. We're to married in August and have talked about having a child together. However, I live daily in fear that things will turn sour. I try not to look for reasons ...
A. 31 January 2012: I don't think you can ever truly relax in any relationship to be honest as so many fail these days.
You probably need to look back to your past to discover why you have such serious mistrust issues and are living by the self destruct button. ... (read in full...)
Exit strategy please
Q. I have got involved with a woman, from my karate club, then i thougt something was going on with her and my instructor, she denied it. As time moved on i felt there was something, eventually she broke down saying there was but he had been ...
A. 30 January 2012: I would just rise above it and act like nothing has occured. If she asks you to go for coffee again, just say that you don't have time, she will soon get the message.
If things get too akward, consider finding another group.... (read in full...)
He wants sex, I want more, but I am too lonely to just walk!
Q. Hi, I met this asian guy...we were going out...dinner, dancing, movies..etc...he is younger almost 10 years...I realized..too late he only wants sex. Thats all. And I want more company...friendship. I told him we are looking for different things a...
A. 29 January 2012: I have to comment because I have been in a similar situation with a younger guy and it has been going on for over 3 years (known him over 5 years).
I have been having sex with this man on and off for a very long time. I have bent over backward... (read in full...)
On top of all our problems sex is not happening either!
Q. My husband was in an accident 25 years ago prior to our marriage that left him paralyzed. He has a full time job and has lived indepentantly. We met 3 years ago on the internet. I lived in the USA and he lived in Australia. He came to visit me in ...
A. 29 January 2012: It's very hard to get an overall picture of your relationship with your husband, but it seems you left behind your life in the US and left a child also to go be an unpaid servant to a disabled man?
You do not talk about love or closeness that you... (read in full...)
Is it me or is it him? Has he brainwashed me, or do I need to end the relationship?
Q. Back on here again about the same person I put a question on here about in 2010. I suppose that says it all. I desperately need some advice so if anyone can spare 5 mins to read this I'd appreciate it. I'm in a very troublesome relationship. ...
A. 26 January 2012: Have you asked yourself why you have chosen to be with an abusive, lying, spongeing cheat who you are too ashamed to tell your family about?
If you just met him tomorrow and you knew everything you know about him now, would you be so keen to get i... (read in full...)
Should I leave or stay? My ex husband cheated and may have a child with her...
Q. My screen name is blackwidow48, because of how I feel inside. I have been married for 16 years, but divorced for 2 years yet, my ex got evicted and asked if he could stay with me for a few months to save money and that was 8 months ago and he still ...
A. 26 January 2012:
You should leave. You arn't married to this man anymore and that means legally you are a single person with no ties to him. The debt issue should have been sorted out during the divorce, so not sure why that wasn't done.
It seems your ex husb... (read in full...)
My partner ended things but just the day before we talked about out future?
Q. please can you help me, i have just found out my partner is on a forces penpal site. We have been together 3 years and lived together for 1 year, a friend of mine saw him on there and it says he is single, i asked him why he is on there and he said ...
A. 23 January 2012: Its a typical tactic when someone gets caught doing something they probably shouldn't.
Perhaps he did initially sign up to net dating for a boost to his ego, but those sites quickly turn into endless holes where guys just see a massive array of... (read in full...)
Is there any hope left for me?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. Could really do with some words of wisdom or advice on how to feel better. Or brutal honestly haha! I'm turning 31 in one week and I'm dreading it! I'm still single, I still live with my mates in a house share I have no ...
A. 23 January 2012: Grrrrrr...
After reading your post, I just wanna shake you...like really slap you and say
'Good God Girl, why the hell are you treating yourself so bloody badly???'
Why are you torturing yourself with weird distorted negative thoug... (read in full...)
Is there any hope when your new bf loves his ex and is still "grieving" her?
Q. For the last month and a half I've spent almost every night with my new boyfriend. He seemed to like this level of closeness and it's easy for us to kick it. We both have terribly difficult pasts, but are successful people and have a lot of fun t...
A. 22 January 2012: Its a pretty crappy thing that he was on internet dating just a week after splitting with his ex. Makes you wonder what he was really looking for?...a serious relationship? or just someone to fill the lonely gap whilst he figures out what he ... (read in full...)
I want to encourage him, but I don't want to be called a tease if this doesn't work out. Advice?
Q. I went on a date with a guy recently. We have another date next week. I just want some advice on how to handle this as I try to feel him out. I'm new to the city I live in and met him through a new acquaintance. I enjoyed chatting with him the ...
A. 21 January 2012: 1. You have no way of knowing if any liason will work out after only one date (way too soon to tell)
2. You cannot start a relationship thinking it will fail like all the others...or else...it will fail.
3. Stop second guessing everything this ... (read in full...)
I've stop talking to my ex. Am I worrying too much about the whole "abandoning" my ex thing for no reason?
Q. It's been a couple months since I decided to stop talking to my ex. The months after the break up that lead to this decision were full of emotional turmoil and unresolved feelings. The no contact (and anti-depressants) has helped me a great deal ...
A. 21 January 2012: That's a good girl...good luck xxx... (read in full...)
I've stop talking to my ex. Am I worrying too much about the whole "abandoning" my ex thing for no reason?
Q. It's been a couple months since I decided to stop talking to my ex. The months after the break up that lead to this decision were full of emotional turmoil and unresolved feelings. The no contact (and anti-depressants) has helped me a great deal ...
A. 21 January 2012: As the old saying goes:
'When in doubt...Don't'
You don't owe him anything so don't go back there...keep moving foward.... (read in full...)
Feeling uninspired despite having an ambitious boyfriend
Q. Hi. I just needed a reality check I guess. I have the most wonderful boyfriend imaginable. I simply dont feel good enough for him most of the time. He has a lot more ambition and drive, discipline, talent and brains than I ever could. I have no clue ...
A. 21 January 2012: It isn't your boyfriends responsibility to make you a better person. You sound as if you have very low self esteem...maybe you need to examine why you are like that?
Having such a wonderful boyfriend should inspire you to step up to the mark...p... (read in full...)
My sex drive is significantly higher than my wife's
Q. Hello all, I am new to the site. My question is, I am a 36 yr old male, married with 2 small kids. The problem I am facing is that I am all ways horny, and I mean all the time. My wife helps me out with it most of the time, but other times I do...
A. 21 January 2012: Is that normal? or is that normal for you?
If you are a decent intelligent man, you will apreciate and know it is normal for a woman's sex drive to drop when she has small children or babies. After all, isn't it more important that she is taking g... (read in full...)
Why are more guys choosing to father children in their 60s?
Q. This seems to be a growing trend especially with celebrities. E.g Alexander Skarsgard's dad having a second child, with his second wife. He is in his 60s. Even though he has adult children already. Why do people do this? Don't they want to enjoy ...
A. 21 January 2012: Typically they do not want the kids...they want the sex with a younger woman to boost their ego and keep them young. It's the women who want the babies.
You don't see that many men over 60 pushing strollers or changing nappies do you?
It's ju... (read in full...)
He's divorced but I found out he has a longterm gf! He's just contacted me and I am unsure how to deal with all this!
Q. Hi, I need some advice because my heart I think will rule my head. I was seeing this guy and things were ok, he told me was divorced and just wanting to keep things casual, I was disappointed but truthfully I was flattered that this guy was inte...
A. 21 January 2012: A guy who plays games like this will never improve your self esteem...in fact if you allow him to use you in any way at all, even for just a kiss or a listening ear, it is going to chip away at your good nature until there is nothing left of you.
... (read in full...)
Music was our life. My husband's attitude is ruining everything. What can I do to stop this ruining our lives?
Q. Me and my husband are both musicans or I thought we were. Ten years ago when I met my mate he wanted to date me and be in a band together. Slowly after about 7 years of performing together it seemed like he no longer wanted to do music anymore....
A. 21 January 2012: Whats the rest of your relationship like?
Whats day to day life like with him? Are you both still in love? Is he loving towards you in other respects?
Maybe he has just lost interest in the music side of things...people do change as they get old... (read in full...)
I am in love with my ex. Ex who broke my heart now wants to be friends. What do I do?
Q. I'm in love with my ex. We broke up 5 Months ago after 8 months together and he did it by text after I caught him online cheating and told him to get out of my apartment. He answered that with a "have a good life. Move on" text and would t answ...
A. 21 January 2012: On the outside it looks pretty simple doesn't it?
Forgive him, be friends, take away his guilt and bury your feelings. You can be the bigger person? Right? You can ignore the longing for him everytime you see him...right? You can be brave when he ... (read in full...)
I've just broken up with my LDR......I'm in pieces and need to know how to cope and be strong
Q. i need some advice please. Ive just ended it with my ldr boyfriend, after being messed around with yet again and now as i sit in here in tears, my heart is broken and i feel sick, I just need to know how to be strong over the next few weeks. We had ...
A. 30 November 2011: Awww hunny, firstly a big hug for you!!!
It is HARD....REALLY Hard to go through the first few hours, days, weeks after a break up. I don't think there are too many people on the planet who haven't had to go through that and it sucks for everyone... (read in full...)
Is he stringing me along? He's very commitment-phobic and we rarely see each other!
Q. hi I've been seeing my commitment phobic bf for almost 16 months, we get on really well, there's great chemistry and we both feel very comfortable with each other. The problem is that although we're both in our 40's, we rarely get the chance to go...
A. 15 November 2011: Don't trade desperation and loneliness for a bad (very bad)relationship.
Seriously the guy isn't worth your time and the other aunts are correct, the family thing and the voyerism thing are MASSIVE red flags.
You need to focus on what YOU want... (read in full...)
What to do when your crush tells you he just wants to be friends?
Q. I have a friend and we like ot hang out with each other. We started flirting and having sexy chats with pictures and all over the internet. He was dumped by his long time GF 9 months ago and something tells me he still have feelings for her. I di...
A. 15 November 2011: By not using you for sex this guy is actually doing you a HUGE favour!!
He is post breakup and I think you are 100% right, he still has feelings for his ex and there is just one place that man can be with you right now...and that is 'just a friend... (read in full...)
At what point can I start calling him?
Q. A guy that I've known for many years, thru mutual friends and projects, started pursuing me this last month. Now we've seen each other three times and this week had sex. If it was a new person I would feel differently but because of our history I ...
A. 15 November 2011: It depends what kind of guy he is and if he is confident and likes the 'hunt' or if he is shy and needs lots of reassurance. If you have known him for a while you probably have a good idea which he is.
He could be a guy whos a bit lazy about be... (read in full...)
Does he just want me to help him pay the bills???
Q. dear aunts. I have been with my partner for four years. Three years ago he proposed to me and it was like a dream come true. We had a rough time after that with him losing his home etc. I also suspected cheating although he never admitted it. I had ...
A. 29 October 2011: Hmmm I think it's a case of 'he knows you are on the hook and he can now change the rules as often as he wants to suit himself and he absolutely knows you won't do anything because you are scared of losing him'
It's fair enough if he doesn't ... (read in full...)
She started off friendly but now she's reserved. I wanted to ask her out, what should I do?
Q. Hey, i started uni a few weeks ago and in my first week, met a really cute girl. We got talking and exchanged numbers and chatted with each other a few times a week in person and via text. I was thinking on asking her out – go for a walk and get a ...
A. 27 October 2011: Maybe it's nothing you did. Perhaps she just thinks it's a bit soon to get into any kind of relationship as she has just started uni (afterall there is all the studying and pressure to deal with firstly)
She may have just had a change of mind, it... (read in full...)
If I'm tearing up photos of my ex does this mean I am over him?
Q. Myself and my ex have now been apart for 5 months now and recently i have been coming across photos of him but instead of leaving them alone i have been tearing them in half and putting them in the bin and have not felt no remorse does this mean im ...
A. 12 October 2011: Yes, it's an important step to be able to throw out any reminders of an ex, so it looks as if you are on the road to recovery...let's hope so xxx... (read in full...)
It was nothing serious and he blew it out of proportion
Q. My partner caught me flirting on line. He had warned me several times to stop. I did for a while. He called round unexpectedly while i was in some erotic conversation. He has been a good father figure to my two teenage sons. After getting abusive he ...
A. 11 October 2011: Cry baby?, you have destroyed his trust in you...that is something to get VERY upset over.It is quite insensitive that you don't see that.
Unless you are going to completely stop cheating (and yes it is cheating) there is no point asking for anot... (read in full...)
To Text or not to Text? Does it work for all or only for some?
Q. Hi All. I was wondering what you think is an acceptable amount to text your partner? See, I was once in a long term relationship with a girl who would always send a text each day with 'Good Morning' and then 'Good Night' later on, as well a...
A. 11 October 2011: I am with pinktopaz...your friend/gf probably would prefer a phone call especially as you arnt at the stage of being full GF/BF. Its a bit much to expect someone to text you all the time when you arnt even in a committed relationship.
She has give... (read in full...)
He seems happy to have a FB relationship, but I find myself wanting more
Q. I met this guy online a year ago.Yes it was based on sex.. but mind blowing sex. a year later and i find myself wanting something more, im just not feeling fulfilled any more. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks. He wont just come ...
A. 10 October 2011: You are welcome...stay strong and don't let men treat you badly, you are worth so much more xxx... (read in full...)
He seems happy to have a FB relationship, but I find myself wanting more
Q. I met this guy online a year ago.Yes it was based on sex.. but mind blowing sex. a year later and i find myself wanting something more, im just not feeling fulfilled any more. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks. He wont just come ...
A. 10 October 2011: Ciar nailed it...
It is just a sex arrangement, somewhere for him to unload his 'load' to him you are just a receptacle. You my darling have fallen into the trap of thinking it means more...it doesn't.
Don't look for answers, explainations or... (read in full...)
He seems happy to have a FB relationship, but I find myself wanting more
Q. I met this guy online a year ago.Yes it was based on sex.. but mind blowing sex. a year later and i find myself wanting something more, im just not feeling fulfilled any more. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks. He wont just come ...
A. 9 October 2011: When you do see each other what do you do whilst he is there?... (read in full...)
My ex is doing all the things I love with his new woman!
Q. I'd like to know why a man will do one things with one girlfriend that he wouldn't do with another. I broke up with my ex-bf nearly 2 years ago and he found a new partner very quickly. I was getting over this fairly well, until I found out all th...
A. 8 October 2011: I am so so sorry you are feeling so sad over your ex...it really does suck on a very high level.
When people first begin a relationship they want to make a good impression so they will pull out all the stops to impress. As time moves on, if thing... (read in full...)
I'm 37 and a very different aged woman showed interest in me. I thought we had something happening. So why did she lose interest so quickly?
Q. Hope someone can give me an advice here, I am really really confused. Here's the story: About half a year ago a really beautiful woman started showing me interest in me She winked at me, talked a lot to me, asked me if I'm seeing someone, and smil...
A. 7 October 2011: Hmm could be one of several things or a combination of lots of things.
1) She could have been badly hurt in a past relationship and is scared to get too involved with you.
2) She may just love flirting and attention but may not want to commit. ... (read in full...)
A wifes past the good and the bad
Q. what is meant by the comment of a wife's past, or sexual past when i see women replying( her past has made her the wife who she is today) . what is the positives , and the negatives . are there any benefits or lost benefits . ...
A. 7 October 2011: In the marriage vows I believe there is a line which says
'To have and to hold from this day forward' and 'forsaking all others keep thee only unto him/her'
I believe that means that from the day of marriage you promise to be committed to eac... (read in full...)
My 14 year old daughter wants to call the shots. My family is unsupportive. How do I get through all this alone?
Q. Dear Readers, I am feeling guilty that my 14 year old daughter doesn't want to live me with unless it is on her terms. My whole family disrespect me as does she. My family give her whatever she wants, give her the out and refuse to let me place bou...
A. 7 October 2011: If you are suffering from major anxiety and depression then it is probably a good thing that your daughter doesn't live with you for now.
Everything you have said gives a picture of massive confusion and disruption. The arguments over money, t... (read in full...)
I think my b/f wants to break up with me and I don't know what to do
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years is avoiding my lately, cause of that we had a fight. I called him and we made up, but he avoding me more now. I have a feeling that he wants to break up with me, not sure why he hasnt done that yet. I am trying to ha...
A. 5 October 2011: I am going to say something completely different from what the other 'aunts' have suggested.
DON'T DO ANYTHING!!
NOTHING
Don't call him, or message him, don't try to force him into a conversation he isn't ready to have.Definitely DON'... (read in full...)
Am I being emotionally abused? He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to control me.
Q. 22 years ago I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. After graduation we parted ways and I moved out of state. We reconnected last year on facebook and have been together ever since. He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to cont...
A. 30 September 2011: I'll add weight to the other answers. YES you are being emotionally abused. The question is, now that you know you are, what are you going to do?
You absolutely will never change his drinking habit, you can only save yourself.
If you had be... (read in full...)
How can anyone be so selfish?
Q. I have known the father of my youngest child for over 27 years. Yesterday it was my birthday and he made no effort despite the fact that I asked my child to remaid him. I know my child said something as he said so himself/ I was working yesterda...
A. 25 September 2011: If the guy doesn't live with you, why would you expect him to be in your home at 3am when you return from work? That doesn't make sense.
You said he returned your son at 11pm the following night. It almost sounds like a child access arrangem... (read in full...)
| *untyEm's friends
These are mutual friends, so *untyEm has
added them and they have added *untyEm!
|
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
