A
male
age
30-35,
*rathor18
writes:Hi Everyone, ok well i need some help here i am an 18 year old male, and i have an extremely high sex drive, possible sex addiction problem, i just cannot get enough!most of the time i use pornography to satisfy the urges but it's still not enough i find myself often masturbating like 9x or more in a week! i'm not trying to show off or anything because i genuinely need help with this, it's really affecting my social life and my relationships etc, all of them have failed because of this. usually when i see an attractive girl i like the first thought that comes into my head is "yeah i totally wanna bang her!" but also i get the thought "Yeah i'd marry her" so i feel like i am at a constant battle with myself, i can't tell the diffrence between Love and Lust. I Also find it VERY hard to wait and stuff, i.e when a girl asks me to wait until she's ready, i want to but i physically can't because it causes alot of emotional pain. I Really haven't got a clue what to do because the slightest thing can set it off, i'm so ashamed of it because at times when i were with partners and i couldnt see them for a while i had thoughts of cheating, but i would never do that because it's wrong!Please SOMEONE help me out here? i would really appreciate this, it feels like a gift and a curse to me at the moment. and i feel the urges are getting stronger i just don't wanna end up doing something stupid like buying a hooker, or becoming a Male Escort.Please Help? thank you x
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escort, porn, sex addict, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (12 March 2010):
 your young so your sex drive will be high most girls around your age have a high sex drive too but not as much as boys your age.girls dont want to feel used by a guy who always wants to have sex with her so i can understand your problem but maybe you should talk to your doctor about it or find another way to deal with your needs.its perfectly normal not to want a relationship as such but more just to have sex at your age as its all about experimenting you just need to find out what best satisfies your needs and things wont seem as bad
A
male
reader, Krathor18 +, writes (12 March 2010):
Krathor18 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hmm well thank you for the advice i will take it all into consideration, and i will see what i can do and if things get better in say a months time i will be sure to let you all know, again thank you to all those who have replied to my question x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Me again...
Your thoughts do not control you, you must learn how to control your thoughts. This is very hard. You must not be frightened about the way you think, but they are just thoughts, they come and they go, you don't have to do anything. When you are alone and the sex thoughts come, sometimes just do nothing, just watch the thoughts and see what they are. Maybe this will help you gain some control. Because you think about sex and want it or want to do sex, well these are just thoughts. Sometimes if you do nothing they will go away in time.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Ok.. thank you very much... The fact that you have asperger syndrome dose mean that you may get obsessive over many things. That is why we want you to take up sports, go to the gymn and do other things. At the moment, you have no job, you are bored and therefore of course you think more about sex. Again, most 18-21year olds think about sex a lot and they also masturbate, but they are able to hide their thoughts and they know it's not polite to talk about sex a lot.
Can you write down your sex thoughts and dreams, would this help you to stop talking about sex all the time? You must train yourself not to talk about sex when you around people and girls, you can have the thoughts, but it makes people uncomfortable when you talk about sex.
I'm not telling you not to think about sex, that is normal for a man of your age. But it is not OK to talk about it. So you must start writing stories or something, so when your around people you know you don't need to share your sex thoughts with them.
Aspergers can also make you rush around and be very impatient. That's why I mentioned being slow with masturbation. Take time make it slow, try to learn how not to rush things. There is no hurry. You must practice doing things slowly and thinking very carefully before you actually talk. Sports will help with this, so will writing, so will drama and other stuff.
Wanting sex is normal, but you must learn to take things slow and learn how to hide some of your thoughts.
There should be groups in your area for people who have asperger's like you. Get in touch with them, there you will meet older men who can help and will tell you how they cope with sexual things.
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A
male
reader, Krathor18 +, writes (12 March 2010):
Krathor18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate, well my Sex Drive has failed my relationships with friends and girlfriends because i rush into things all the time, and i can't seem to slow down, they get scared and run off or they feel pressured which is the very last thing i want a girl to feel, i even tell them this and stuff that i am not using them and i see them for the beauty they are NOT an object or some kind of plaything. it also ruins my friendships because i talk about sex, ALL the time and i'm always moping about not having a girlfriend or not having a job or anything (although that might change soon if i can get this job at my local airport) and usually my friends just back away from me and think i'm weird, plus i have asperger syndrome so i tend to want sex and have a strong interest in it that little bit more. it's very hard for me NOT to think about sex, because at the moment it's all i seem to want to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Take up sport or some other extra curricular type activity, or drama classes.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
PS: The times when your not with your partner or not having sex, extra masturbation is necessary to stop you cheating or using prostitutes or doing something stupid to get the relief you need.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Ok, first, I see that you are aged 18-21years old. What your feeling is very normal for your age. Men of this age usually have a very high sex drive and find that it rules their life. Please don't feel ashamed by something that is biologically programmed.
Nine times a week masturbation dosen't seem extreme, again it seems normal, that's just over once a day, and twice a day on the weekends when you have more time. Again normal, no doctor would class this as sexual addiction.
I am concerned when you say this is spoiling relationships and your social life. Masturbating twice a day when your not in a sexual relationship shouldn't do this. Please update your post, why is your social life and relationships in trouble.
I'm not keen to tell you to masturbate more or look at more pornography. If your sexual desires are as high as you say, you may indeed find yourself addicted. If you were in a loving sexual relationship, I think that you would find your sex drive being satisfied. Trying not to think about sex dosen't work, it actually encourages you to think about sex too much.
What I suggest is that you take up exercise and sports. Hopefully this should take up some energy and leave you with less for your sexual thoughts. Continue masturbating up to twice a day, but please try to go slow and gentle, rather than quickly and hard. Again, trying to control your sexual desire. Making less like a hamburger fast food meal, and more like a three course dinner at a restaurant. Hopefully doing these things will help you to feel more comfortable with what is normal for most 18-21year old men.
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A
female
reader, 738  +, writes (12 March 2010):
Hey i know this is hard for you but trust me it is very common. i just broke up with a guy because all he ever talked about was sex and he didnt want a serious relationship. you need to abstain yourself from sex until you find the right person and get married. believe me- its not a good idea to look at porn or cheat. been there done that. when you find someone dont just imediatly pop the question. wait til your married. girls want respect and love. (and sex later on) good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Behavior is a habit. To change your behavior, you have to replace it with a different habit.
Stop watching porn. Every time you get the urge, go for a run or walk or head out to the gym. Working out and getting exercise will go along way to readjusting your physical "energy" and urges.
I don't know that you could be classifed as a sex addict. Your main issues seem to be your extremes in emotions when concerning women and having sex with them.
Because of your difficulty regulating your emotions, I think you first line of defense is to make an appointment with a doctor to discuss your feelings and obsessive thoughts and behavior, perhaps medication for anxiety or depression is in order. I would then ask for a referral to a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Phd level....and then get some help with all of this.
You owe it to yourself to get your life back on track. It isn't a sign of weakness, but of strength to first admit and own you have a problem and then to do the work of finding a professional to help you solve it.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 It's funny you are asking please SOMEONE help me out here? Dear Cupid is not going to refer a girl to you in your area.
You need to take care of your urges. Find the classified eds online or on the newspapers. Not all of them are hookers. Sometimes girls are just as impatient. The ones who put up an ad for a casual encounter are honest about what they want and would not play mind games. Not every girl is looking for marriage and not every guy is looking for sex. Call and make sure they are not escorts. When you find a pick stick to her and stop calling others. You don't want someone calling you in the middle of a sex act. If you don't want to go that route, there's a gentle way to reduce sex drive. Camphor is used to reduce sex drive in Arab cultures.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Dude, its quite normal. Your at the sexual peak is arround 18. Banging her is one thing if she agrees, marrige takes a lot longer.
If you lust or infactuate over someone which we all do in the beginning of a relationship, it soon wares off. Whats left? If you still love them no matter what and and accept them for the person they are then it's likley to be true love which can lead on to marrige and never rush into that stuff.
As for your sexual desires, it should subside as you get older. You will still masturbate but probably less often unless you have a sexual partner by then.
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