A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26, not exactly a teen any more, and my gf is 24, we've been dating for year and a half now. She recently started a new job 3 months ago. But shes been acting really distant the last few days, shes been dressing up really nice, hardly calls me or lets me know when shes online for IM chat or texts me. Last week i found a text message on her phone asking this guy, who is a co-worker, to invite her on IM chat, i didnt think anything of it, and she invited him on Facebook. Now normally, because its a week night, she doesnt chat long on IM because its work in the morning. But this past 3 days, she hasnt let me know shes online and shes been chatting till past midnight, and she takes long to reply to me, and when she does, its short and abrupt. 2 nights ago she was online till midnight, then said shes tired, shes going to go sleep, so she logged off, but i didnt. An hour later she logged on again, and said its too hot she cant sleep, so she thought she'd see whos online. Once again she was abrupt and delayed when replying, an hour later she said goodnite again, and logged off, i found this very suspicious. The next morning i logged into her facebook account, because i have her password, and she knows. I then checked her inbox and found these message from her to him, "hey stranger, why do u ignore me when im around, have i done something wrong?" He replied,"what do u mean ignore u?" she then replied,"coz u dont hug me anymore, and i have a name, u can greet and dont post on my wall, rather inbox me so the bf dont see, miss u". Needless to say i was furious at this, phoned her up and demanded an explanation and that she should remove his number and all texts from her phone, she agreed to do so. That afternoon i went to her to find out whats going on,she said we're just friends and she says 'miss u' to everybody. Then i checked her phone and found a message from her to him saying "let me know when youre online, wanna ask you some questions, im tired, cant wait up anymore", i then asked her, is that why you logged on so late the past few days, she denied it and said she really was tired. I then asked her what questions do u want to ask him, she said work related stuff, i said u can ask him that work then, she then didnt wanna tell me. Then i looked at her call log and contact list to see if his number was still on the phone, she said its all gone, i can check. But then i found about 10 outgoing calls to his number, which was now saved under a different name, that same day and a text message, after i told her to get rid of it. I then ask if something had happend between them, she said nothing has or is going to happen or is going on between them, because shes with me and that she'll never leave me. I then asked her so what is your fascination with this guy, do u like his attention or his flirtation, she then said yes she does. I believe her though when she says nothing happend between them. Could this be classified as cheating? Or does she just enjoy his attention? Could he be the reason shes been dressing up all week? And why would she lie to me and be so secretive? And if nothing was gonna happen, then where was this thing headed? Im confused on how i should handle this? Should i let her go or give her another chance?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 January 2010):
Dump her. When I read this article and read the part 'post into my inbox so my boyfriend doesn't see', I knew something was going on. Whether they have had sex or not is now irrelevant. You know she's lied, you know she's been deceitful. And she didn't even remove his number. You can do better than this lying woman.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): Ignore her for a while, no texts or calls until she acts right. It is cheating if she's sneaking around, point blank period. Space her out since she's still sneaking around evenhough you spoke with her abou it.
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A
female
reader, nelle2472002  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 well i can honestly say i understand what you are going through. this happened to me about three months ago, and i do think something was definatly going on otherwise she wouldnt of had to keep theyre relationship from you. its probably just that new interests and flirtation is sooo exciting when you have been with someone for sooo long. so yes if she hasnt been dressing up before and all of a sudden she is, it has something to do with this man. now if you believe that you can trust her after this work on your relationship, but if you cant handle her being at work with this guy that she is staying up to talk to and writing on the low. she can tell you anything, bottom line she still works with him, soo can u handle that?
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A
female
reader, lioness32 +, writes (14 January 2010):
 I think you have every reason to be concerned. She being decitful and sneaky. And yes, because shes talking to another guy and you don't approve of it, I think it can be classified as cheating. If she has'nt had sex with him yet shes well on her way. I would give her some space, maybe even leave her.
Hope all ends well
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