A
female
age
36-40,
*ophie 10
writes:hi i am a 26 year old woman and i am with a man 17 years older than me. for a while now he keeps making every excuse you could think of so he dosnt have to sleep with me. he might look for it once or twice a month and expects me to be all on for it after him ignoring me for the rest of the month. what is hurting the most is iv found porn on his ph, he has porn on dvd and buys mags and he is getting off to it the whole time. he kept denying it knowing i knew the truth, now he is trying to blame me. he keeps saying im enough for him that he has never had better im staring to believe he said that 2 all the women hes being with. iv no confidence because of this and cant stop crying, could someone please tell me if this is normml
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): Hi. I have seen a few similar situations before. Just tell your bf that if he likes porn, that's fine, but he needs to do some action with you too, otherwise who will satisfy your biological/hormonal needs? The guy should get it when you put it like this. Stop crying please, it weakens your case.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 I just wanted to add to Laura1318 that it is normal for people to masturbate in a relationship, and using porn is a perfectly normal thing to want to look at from time to time. But the problem here seems to be that he doesn't respond to her advances and needs yet expects her to have sex when he eventually decides he wants it. And because she is so sex starved she'll accept even if she's not in the mood. Whilst at the same time he is getting off to porn to satisfy his own needs, whilst ignoring hers. He could use that sexual energy in a positive way and satisfy sophie but he avoids actual sex in favor of masturbation, MOST of the time. It's not fair. I know, I have been through this and the problem doesn't go away. You just learn to live with it until it becomes unbearable then you learn to live with it again.
I dont know the best course of action for you, but I know how painful it is to be in a relationship with someone you adore and want physical intimacy with, but you cant have it because they refuse you in favor of their hand. It is selfish of him, but he probably doesnt realise how bad it makes you feel and he is probably avoiding sex for some psychological reason combined with a porn habit that makes it easier to avoid the sex situation. I think the best way forward is to talk to him. If you cant bear it much longer you need to let him know. I know it is scary because you love him and dont want to lose him, but if he truely loves you, he wont want to lose you and will make an effort to change things.
I hope things work out for you. i know how hard it is. But you may need to either compromise or find someone else if he is just not willing to make you feel wanted and cherished in every way, which you deserve.
good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): I'm in my mid forties and I've been married for over years. Porn will destroy a relationships. If your boyfriend is watching porn, I'd get out before you get married. If your husband is watching porn, seek help -- he's probably addicted. Porn is not some tool to help your sex life. It is addictive and an abuse psychologically and physically of those in the industry. It robs us of our human dignity and decency.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 It is normal for men and women to masturbate even after they are married.
If you are not satisfied with him about your sexual needs ,you should talk to him about it or you simply initiate it when you feel like it.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (9 May 2010):
Well Sophie the question is more about what you want not how can we resolve his wanking isues?
I think it is time for you to ditch him I encourage charity work but how dare he think it is OK to use you when iy suits him.
With that name you can only be beautiful and you must work toward establishing your self esteem by leaving thsi relationship.
It will only get worst. Do not do any knee jerk reation but start to prepare a plan ? Before you leave be careful he does not get you pregnant!
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 This isn't "normal." Lots of guys will defend other men's right to porn until they're blue in the face. Whether it's right for a man to look at porn or not, or even if you're OK with him looking at porn is not the problem here. The problem is that he has a real addiction. When someone (male or female) rejects his partner to look at porn, there is a very serious problem. It honestly does have nothing to do with you and it actually doesn't mean he's a bad person who doesn't care about your feelings. Porn can be addictive. Many don't get help for it because it's pushed as such a normal guy thing, but when the men are turning down a real woman for sex and lying and hiding it, that is when it's a true addiction. You need to sit down and talk with him to encourage him to get help. Look online by googling porn addictions to figure out the best ways to go about this. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 He doesn't sound like a wholesome guy. Does he?Maybe you should tell him that if he doesn't stop looking at porn, you might have to break up. Sometimes, giving someone a scare is all it takes to change their behaviour.I hope this helps. Go out now, and have a coffee somewhere and enjoy the day.
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A
female
reader, fxyangel_09 +, writes (9 May 2010):
i know exactly how you feel. i just caught my boyfriend watching porn the other day and he tells me the exact same thing. what these guys dont realize is how badly it hurts us. i tried talking to my boyfriend but he tells me all guys do it. try talking to him maybe he will pay more attention to you. hope everything works out
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