A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been engaged for 3 years now. The first year we dated I found out he sent his ex-girlfriend a birthday card. She had broke up with him and he was hurt pretty bad by the breakup since he loved her, wanted to marry her and he proposed to her but she never wore the ring. I had questioned him about the card and he came up with all sorts of excuses and then finally admitted he had sent her a card. I was pretty upset only because he called me her name a lot in the beginning of our relationship and had told me he would never get over her when we first started to date. I didn't want to be rebound. We worked out our issues, or so I thought.Fast forward and we now live together and split the bills and I noticed a Valentines Day card on a receipt. It wasn't the same price as the one he gave me. It was a cheaper one. I just have this nagging feeling he sent her a card. Call it a sixth sense. Even if it is a generic card, should he be sending her a Valentines Day card at all? Do guys do this with their ex-girlfriends when they are engaged to another woman? For all I know, he could still be sending her birthday cards or Christmas cards too.My trust isn't totally there because he lied to me the first time. If he had just owned up to it and not "lied" it wouldn't be so bad, but it was like pulling teeth to get him to admit he sent her a birthday card. It was story after story and the stories kept changing. He can be a sneaky guy, and could easily put a card in his briefcase and I would never know.Plus, I just hate this feeling of always being suspicious. I always end up with a knot in my stomach. It's not good for my health or mental well being.My girlfriends have said I was never like this before and that his actions have made me this way. They say it's not healthy.
View related questions:
broke up, cheap, christmas, engaged, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Janicexzc +, writes (18 October 2014):
Hold on girl...
Same tuning happened to me 7 years ago.
I'm still with the same man. He's the most sincere and living man I've ever met. It hurt me like hell when I saw the valentines he sent to his ex but he told me after I asked him, I chalked it up as experience and I know it will never happen again. I'm so happy I gave him the chance. Best years if my life, I had other men that were not romantics and they would never do such a thing but instead they molestefmy children and messed up my life, if he's truly a decent and LOVING man don't let him go over this .
Jan/
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): If he did in fact send her a Valentine' Day card, you don't know that, but if he did, then he must think it's worth the risk in losing you. That tells a lot about his character and how he views your relationship. I don't get why a man doesn't just break up with the woman they are with instead of pining away for someone else. But, wait! He has you for sex, cleaning the house, making dinner, doing the laundry the best of both worlds if he can make it with the ex at the same time.
I would be so hurt by what he did that I don't think I could ever recover from it.
It's just not right.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): I think Ciar is right on in this account. If this ex-girlfriend met so much to him that he would send her a birthday card, while you are dating him and not even at least have the courtesy to tell you and then lie through his teeth about it, then I bet my last dollar that he has sent her other cards as well and probably has communicated with her through e-mails and maybe even met up with her for lunch or maybe even more.
I hate to read so much into it, but by him being silent and not drawing attention to himself anymore he is probably keeping this under wraps so you won't suspect or find out. That is not a good game to play with the person you are engaged too.
Eventually, you will find out one way or another as one poster said here. You will come across some form of communication between them. I would hate to be on pins and needles all the time wondering about his actions. I would be getting sick to my stomach from it all.
He lost your trust with his first lies so I totally understand that you won't trust anything he says or does now. Without trust, you don't have a relationship. Blame him on that, not yourself.
Just remember there are other "good" men out there that wouldn't try to pull fast ones like this and that would "respect" you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (15 February 2014):
 No, I don't think a man should be sending his ex girlfriend or any other woman friend a Valentine's Day card. I don't recall any Hallmark ads inviting male consumers to 'show her and her how much you care'.
People generally don't send special occasion cards to people they don't plan to keep in touch with. So not only did he lie about the birthday card, he also lied about the fact that they've been communicating with one another all this time.
Because of his track record, because of the suspicious receipt, and because of your intuition I believe he did send the Valentine's Day card to his ex.
I don't care how long ago the first lie was. It was a HUGE one and he repeated it continuously over a sustained period of time because he wanted to be the only man in your life and knew you wouldn't agree to that if you weren't the only woman in his. He tried to get something for himself he didn't want you to have.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2014): Sending a Valentine's Day card to an ex-girlfriend, when he has a fiancée, is not right at all. He wants his cake and to eat it too. I'd be getting rid of him not matter what other good qualities he may have. There are other fish in the sea that wouldn't do that to a woman that he is engaged to and intended to marry. That makes you look like a fool and the ex would be laughing behind your back and your fiancé thinking he is getting away with something. Not good at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2014): If you found two receipts and one was a cheaper card and it is pure speculation at this point who he sent that card too. I doubt if you will ever really know. Even if you called this woman as one poster suggested, she may lie to you and this may only stir up more trouble. I wouldn't want to bring this ex-girlfriend back into your lives like that.You just may have to go on trust and hope the card wasn't sent to his ex-girlfriend. I know it will eat away at you not knowing. He may have sent a card to his parents or a friend or his kids if he has any. If he is cheating you will find out. One always does.But, yes, if a card was sent to his ex-girlfriend, on VALENTINE'S DAY, then I don't care how innocent, Valentine's Day is about romance and he may be hoping to stir up some feelings from her. Then I would walk away from the relationship because he should not be sending a card at all to an ex-girlfriend since Valentine's Day is a romantic day. That should be RESERVED FOR YOU ONLY and certainly NO EXE'S.I wish you only good luck and happiness in your life!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2014): I'd ask him first. If he says no he didn't send it, then I'd say 'Then it's not a problem if I get in touch with her myself and ask her? After all, last time this happened you lied to me so much that it makes sense for me to verify what you've just said.' And then I would ask her.
Aint nobody got time for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Curious, did you find any other receipt for the card he gave you.My boyfriend was sending Valentines Day cards to his ex-girlfriend while we dated for a couple of years, but it was those dollar cards. I only found out by accident because I saw a receipt myself and lo and behold I found the envelope with her address on it and the card inside, so I didn't care, I looked at the card and it was a romantic card thinking of you card and missing you. Looks like he wanted to rekindle their relationship.That was the end of our relationship. I walked away and have never looked back. I have chosen to remain single for now. Too much drama with these men and I want peace and contentment in my life now. I'll probably be the crazy cat lady with a bunch of cats for companionship but I'm pretty burned out by men at this point in my life. They always are up to no good. That has been my experience.So, yes, if there is another receipt for your card, then I would question what or who the other card is for. I don't blame you if you don't trust him. He fed you a bunch of lies about the birthday card which I deem is worse then the actual sending of the card.If you do question him, he will probably lie to you again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 February 2014):
 There could be a TOTALLY harmless reason why the price on the card was higher then the one on the receipt. It could have been MARKED down for the holiday.
If he gave YOU a card and there was ONLY one CARD on the receipt THAT would be the most logical explanation, NOT that he would send one to his EX gf.
I think you are looking for him to do something dumb. It's been 3 (THREE) years since he sent her a b-day card (which I might add I don't see is a HUGE deal - it was a CARD not a present or a declaration of undying love)
Should he be sending her a Valentine's Card? Eh.. I don't think people should waste money on Valentine's Day AT ALL, but I guess that is besides the point. No, Valentine's Day cards should be reserved for the ONE you love (and for some maybe their mom too)- birthday cards? I send those to friends, family and YES to an ex BF. I have sent him cards for his b-day for 20 years. I regard him as a friend. They are usually humorous card, never romantic.
You will without a doubt work your mind into some kind of frenzy over this, so why not ASK him.
And if you are now so suspicious about ANYTHING he does because of 1 birthday card 3 years ago then you need to work on that. It's not JUST his actions that have MADE you this way, you CHOOSE to look for the other shoe to drop because for whatever reason you do NOT feel secure in your relationship. Maybe you need to figure out why.
...............................
|
