A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to use a dildo before i have sex for the first time to avoid pain, possible bleeding and so that he'll be able will fit (and not know that i'm a virgin). Some of my friends had bad experiences with their first time- like their BF got a penile fracture (seriously). Will using a dildo work? If so, how long and often should I use a dildo for, so he'll be able to fit and won't know that i'm a virgin.
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female
reader, Love. +, writes (24 August 2012):
 I know you've probably heard this before but, if the guy doesn't has a problem with you being a virgin then he's not worth your time. I'm a virgin with a boyfriend and I really didn't want to tell him but when he eventually asked I told him, and he had already kinda thought I was and it was more then fine and he was really understanding and is willing to wait. If he dumps you for the fact your a virgin then he's a prick at the end of the day.
Do tell him though and good luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 I think it will be obvious that you are a virgin anyway, sorry. Being a virgin isn't about having a tight hole. Some virgins can fit a man nicely, without any pain or bleeding... So it's not about that. He'll notice in the way you are unsure about what to do, in the way you touch him, in the way you carry yourself. Little things can give you away.
But if he actually cares for you he wont mind you being a virgin. Are you dating an idiot that you shouldn't be with, perhaps? Maybe you deserve someone better, someone who will accept you for who you are?
But go ahead and use a dildo, or vibrators. By all means. It's a good thing to experiment with yourself, figure out what you like, and to be more comfortable. It can help you "prepare" for sex, make you feel more confident and relaxed. If you want to use toys I recommend you start with something small, insert, move it in and out, just get an idea of how it feels and see if it feels good. Masturbate, bring yourself to an orgasm as well by rubbing your clit (or using the vibrator). Then move on to larger toys, more realistic penis-imitation. They don't have to be HUGE, the entire point is for you to enjoy it. The more you enjoy it the more you relax and the easier it becomes to insert a penis.
And, just to let you know, intercourse doesn't just hurt the first time because it's the first time. Intercourse can hurt at any point, virgin or non virgin, if you aren't relaxed enough, lubricated enough, or if he's physically just too big for you. Which is why women PREFER average sized penises to large penises. Large penises hurt...! They don't fit! I'm not a virgin, but I've been with men with large/thick penises and it was just uncomfortable, and hurt more than my first time having sex.
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A
female
reader, reb1018  +, writes (11 August 2012):
Be proud to be a virgin and someones first. Make sure your ready. Bleeding doesn't always happen when you lose it it really depends. I didn't bleed my first time bc i was so athletic. You need to make sure this is the right guy and the right time.. its a special thing to lose and using a dildo really isn't the same thing and you shouldn't feel presured to hide this sacred thing. Enjoy your first time and do it how, when, and where you want to.
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A
female
reader, WhatGspot +, writes (11 August 2012):
I have to say i disagree with the male poster, i had my 3rd child 9 weeks ago and have very regular sex with my husband for is pretty well endowed and i seem to get tighter after each child.
But why would you care if he knows your a virgin anyway?
I'm glad i lost my virginity to a guy and not a synthetic penis. And most guys love the idea of being someones first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): Yes. It does help. My wife had the same problem and after diagnosis with a doctor, the dildo [dialators] definitely helped. You can read more abt it in vaginismus.com. Even if u dont suffer the condition, what you stated will definitely help.
I disagree with the previous poster... The size of the opening does change with regular sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 No it won't. Your vagina does not change after you have sex. It does not become stretched or opened, it will be exactly the same as it is right now. The reason sex often hurts the first time is because the woman is not aroused enough. The more aroused you are, the less it will hurt. If right now, as someone who has been sexually active for almost a decade, my boyfriend tried to shove it in in one go when I wasn't turned on it would hurt just as much as the first time I had sex (when I wasn't turned on enough).
What you need to do it get close to orgasm and add in lube and have him go slow. Have him make gentle in and out motions rather than just trying to push until it goes in. There's no reason the first time has to hurt at all. Just be sure that you are VERY turned on and use lube and it should be painless.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (11 August 2012):
 It is more about being completely relaxed and aroused than being able to 'fit' him inside of you. If you are not completely turned on it doesn't matter if you've been using a dildo for years, it's going to hurt going in because your body isn't ready in that moment.
However, if you want to use a toy is completely up to you. I don't think you should be using it to hide your viginity though. Whomever you decide to give your virginity to should be aware bcause it is a very special moment.
Be turned on, use lubricant if necessary, and let him know the situation without puttng pressure on him. Relaxation is key. Good luck!
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