A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, This is a question I'm sure has been asked a million times.. but I'm sitting here distraught right now and I have to know.I'm a first-class girlfriend.. one of those extremely open, honest, caring and loving girls. One of those girls that gets done over and doesn't realise until MONTHS go by because their trusting nature has been exploited.My boyfriend cheated on me repeatedly over years with a girl he knew even before we got together. Someone he always had feelings for.The girl knew about me in his life. What does that make the girl? From you or your friends experiences, can you tell me why she would stick around with a guy that was clearly attached? He spent every waking minute with me.. I don't even know how he found the TIME (with the exception of last year) to have an affair.. but I know now it's been going on for years.Also, why the hell did my boyfriend stay with me and see her regularly too? If he really likes/loves her.. and wants to be with her.. why keep buying me presents, coming to my house, calling me up? How was I supposed to know he didn't want me anymore.. talk about mixed messages. Why does a person have an affair instead of just meeting someone, falling for them. and then deciding to do the decent thing and end their CURRENT relationship. What drives someone to carry on a double life???? If he really loved her, wouldn't he just move to live with her????
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affair, cheated on me, mixed messages Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Wow guys.. thanks for the advice!
You're very knowledgeable! Feels good to know he'll never actually be happy.. thanks for letting me know that.. definitely would be true..
For me, being completely 100% open and honest with him in the relationship was freedom to me.. to show your whole self to another person, that person you love, there's no better feeling. He's never had that himself and never will.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 February 2010):
Because he's selfish and wants to use you both. You know you can do better. So go and do better with another man. There will always be men and women who cheat and treat people badly. There will always be men and woman who work hard and don't hurt people. You just have to find yourself a good man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):
Because some people are just selfish. They want everything. He didn't just want her, he wanted you too. Some people want what they want when they want it. There are always reasons, always excuses as to why- they were at an emotional time in their lives, they didn't want to hurt you, they were confused...blah blah. The point is, no matter what is going on, there are choices that everyone knows are wrong to make, and they make them anyway. They are selfish, selfish people. In the end, its just that some people think that their feelings are more important than everyone else's because they are theirs. Its frustrating, its painful and damaging to be on the receiving end of it, but if it makes you feel better, know that their inability to think about others will mean they will never be really happy. You can't get through this life being selfish, without losing out on the big things.
........Sorry, bit of a rant there :) I'm sorry about the loser boy that treated you like rubbish, hope you're ok and that you never look back on his sorry ass:)
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