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I think he doesn't want me because I am not pretty enough

Tagged as: Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 February 2010) 12 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2010)
A female Australia age 30-35, *eather016 writes:

I think he doesnt want me to be his gf bcz i m not pretty enough! dont i deserve to be loved too?

i cry every morning once i wake, i cry to sleep every night. i know i sound foolish but i feel extremely down. fine, i m ugly but dont i deserve to be loved too?

i m not a slut and i demanded to have an official bf-gf relationship since he's having so many "bestfriends" who apparently ALL OF THEM are girls, (his so-called bestfriends who he flirts with 24/7), before losing my virginity to him but anyway i didnt lose it yet. but i did everything else with him. i'm eighteen and yes, it's a bit late but i had not been liberal about sex until recently. and it hurts to sleep and night cz i'd think about the kisses and hugs. =(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

its ok hunn, i think just about every girl thinks exactly the same thing. I doubt your anywhere near as ugly as i will be when im 18 if ive allredy got wrinkles from anorexia and im 11. Yes, thats what i mean, trying to impress booys did that to me and i look awfull now. And you probably think its dorky getting a reply from a kid. But trust this little kid. Your seriously not the worst out there and you are gonna be loved. Maybe that guy hasnt seen the gorgeous side of you yet. xxx

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A female reader, Petra at home Germany +, writes (18 February 2010):

You deserve to be loved, but 99.99% of the guys are not the right one for you or you for them, including this guy. Hold your head up and move on. That one special guy is out there and you need to find him! He needs you just as much.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 February 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntWhat does this have to do with looks? He is the kind of guy who keeps a bunch of friends. He flirts with all of them. He commits to none of them. Heather is trying to get a commitment out of him. This is making him uncomfortable, so he is cautious and putting some distance between them. This does not make him an asshole, or a jerk, or a loser. He is just maintaining his freedom. That is fine at his age.

Heather has decided not to have sex without commitment. That's a very smart decision. He has decided not to commit to any one person yet. The result of those two decisions is that he and heather won't be having sex together. Heather is crying herself to sleep every night because she can't get one guy to give up his freedom for her. She is very fixated on him. Quite frankly, his right to play the field is equal to her right to retain her virginity. She has no right to expect him to change his life stile to accommodate her obsession.

In other words, Heather, you want a long term committed relationship. He isn't interested in providing that. You need to look elsewhere. You need to let go. He isn't available for that.

FA

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A female reader, gcruz United States +, writes (18 February 2010):

gcruz agony auntHun its obvious ure not ugly bc he is messing around with u ... If u were ugly to him he wudnt come no where near u but he does and a lot more.. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with u not bc of ur looks but bc he wants to be a player..he isn't ready for a gf yet plus would u want a bf that has a 100 bffz that were all girls? Uh don't think so.. Be lucky and don't give up ur virginity to him. Save it for someone who doesn't make u cry

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A male reader, kevin3007 United States +, writes (18 February 2010):

kevin3007 agony aunti am sure he's an idiot and asshole and blind too i am mean you're not ugly no body is just try to erase this stupid guy from your life treat him like the way he treats you and never let him make fun of you and sooner or later he's gonna regret what he did to lose an amazing girl like you ....try to start a new life a new page and remember beauty is nothing .......never stop smiling cuz you don't know who's gonna fall for it .......good luck sweety .

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (18 February 2010):

mystiquek agony auntI realize that what I am going to say may not be what you want to hear, but I believe its what you need to hear. There is sooo much more to a person than what they look like. A man who is interested in you only for you looks isn't a man that you really want, sweetie. You are young and I know you want to be loved and cared for, but please don't fall for a man who is so very shallow. He's not a keeper! People often make the mistake that thinking a beautiful looking person is beautiful inside as well, and many times its sooo wrong. This happens so much when people are young. A smart person will look inside, see what is going on with the person's heart, and mind. Looks fade..can be ravaged by illness, injury, or age. But a true and kind heart remains just as it is. Don't ever for a minute think that you aren't pretty enough! This guy is not good enough for you. And good for you..don't ever go against your morales or principles for ANYONE. I know this is a very upsetting and sad situation for you right now, but trust me..in the long run, this guy has done you a favor by letting you see his true colors before you got any closer to him. Hold you head high and be proud of who you are.

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A female reader, Angel1992 United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2010):

I feel the same, my fiance shows no love and affection to me at all. Don't worry, it happenes to alot of people, sadly we just can't really do anything about it! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

You are right, you do deserve an official bf/gf relationship, and if this guy can't give it to you leave him! Find someone better!

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A male reader, monkeys1 United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2010):

Hey i dont know what you look like, but i dont think that matters, if he doesnt wanna be your b/f then just remember that its his loss, about the best friends that are all girls why does that matter or change anything 90% of my friends are girls and i flirt with them all the time it doesnt mean anything,

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A female reader, Lexie88 Australia +, writes (18 February 2010):

Lexie88 agony auntYou are not ugly...don't ever think that. He's the idiot that's lost out on something good.

I'm not saying this to make you feel better, I really do think that you're too good for him. Good on you for wanting a relationship before you got intimate...it was the right choice. This guy left you because he only wanted to have some fun...good for you for sticking up for yourself!

And it's not 'late.' You do what you're comfortable with and when you're comfortable in doing it.

You might not believe me now, and I know you're hurt, but you've been lucky to escape from a guy like this. He sounds like he would only have used you and you would have been even more hurt. Think yourself lucky for dodging a bullet.

So, forget this loser. He never liked you for who you really are. Be glad he's gone. You deserve someone better than him.

Don't ever think you're ugly, don't ever think you don't deserve to be loved. Stick to what you believe in and never give in to some guy's demands. You've done well so far. A guy who is genuine about you will not treat you like this and will actually respect you for having such strong beliefs.

All the best to you :)

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A male reader, Navi United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2010):

It's probly tough, but you gata try your hadest to move on . You'll find some one who loves you for you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

people don,t like me either because i am not pretty or slim either.some lads won,t even give me the time because i don,t appleal to them and how i look.so girl you u not alone with problem i was the same at your age.i never girlfriend title ether ,guys are assholes to me and that what i think of them,selfish ,cold,vivous,they have no conscience as they pain they cause as long its not them it happen to.

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