A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I pick up girls quite often. I'm not interested in penetration only cuddling etc(also a bit of ED, but never had much interest in sex). I explain this to them beforehand of course and never was rejected because of it. The girls still seem to enjoy it and say so, some asking for a repeat.Anyhow recently this girl I asked out, after a night of foreplay which she said and it showed she really enjoyed, asked me re my no penetrative sex "are you gay?" I responded "Why the heck would I pick you up if I was?"Why would she ask me this? Any idea why she would even think this?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 December 2015):
 I think she asked because it's fairly uncommon for a guy to "settle" for oral when there is a "willing vagina" in the room.
It can also be that she is a "little" ignorant when it comes to sexuality. For instance, I might have thought you were bi (not gay), that you just didn't like the idea of vaginal sex. Some men don't.
Have you talked to your doctor about the ED? There might be a medical or psychological reason for the ED that can be "fixed" if you so desire.
And if you entertained foreplay, did you make her climax at least? If you left her "hanging" that might also be who she made this assumption.
I'd shrug it off. It's one woman.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 December 2015):
 There's a difference between "can't do it", and "don't want to do it." If you say to people you are not interested in penetrative sex, they are not going to think inability, but disinterest.
If you like oral sex, then it would be hard to understand why you wouldn't like penetrative sex too. Most people would associate desiring sex with having that ability too. They would assume if you can't do it, then you must not have the desire also. Call it ignorant, but because ED is not talked about widely, then people aren't able to relate to it or understand it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): It's a normal assumption. She's turned on and wants to cum. Sex is normally the next step. So it's confusing. Why get her turned on then don't go all the way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Have you tried to seek a cure for your ED? It is such a shame for a guy of your age to be struggling with ED when there are possible cures such as Viagra and other medications. Are you in any way worried about your size? Because doubts about size could cause ED.Seek medical help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Op responding to Janniepeg. I'm definitely not asexual, which means no or little sexual interest.Not sure why you brought it up. I have at least as much libido as the next guy, as the girls I forplay with would attest to and they all give me bj's because they know how much I like it (can do it without proper erection. It's just no penetration.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (25 December 2015):
My first guess: She would have liked to go all the way and was just being slightly mean due to her annoyance. My next guess: She is quick in stereotyping males and had expected you to be more like the ordinary guy she runs into. In any case, she managed to combine a dash of rudeness and a splash of ignorance in her comment. Forget it and move on. I can imagine that a lot of girls appreciate you not asking for penetration as it can result in diseases and or pregnancy. Go out and enjoy!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 December 2015):
It's true that gay men would not date women, unless they want to have a straight life on the outside, get married and have kids. Or they are not sure about their sexuality and want to wait before giving themselves a label.
It's actually quite common for a woman to assume this. One in 10 men are gay, but the percentage for asexuals is much lower. In our oversexed cultures, people are less likely to admit they are asexual. Especially for men, they might feel shamed, or macho to not want sex.
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