A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidAfter failed relationship, someone suggested me to try online dating, so I registered. So that was the easy part. Got a lot of hits and requests, and I tried connecting to few people. Almost everyone I talked to, never suggested to meet directly, it's like they want to talk in phone or text or video chat, and after a week when I suggest to meet face to face, never heard back from them. I don't entertain sex talks, to some extent I'm ok, but sending my boobs pics or showing then in video, that's a no no to me. Question is, is it because I suggest to meet they hang up on me or do I have to wait few more weeks before meeting? I didn't want to invest so much time on a guy whom I won't even meet, that the reason I brought up face-face meeting early on, don't know whether it's a huge turn off for guys.Any suggestions will help, thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2015): I don’t really have advice, but would like to share with you my experience. I spent this whole year doing online dating and I found the whole experience a whole new world. Despite researching how to make the most of it, I found that different rules apply to different people. It is hard trying to establish people’s intentions and trying to find out if they equal mine. Some men wanted to arrange to meet up within 4 messages, I was told that it was because they had spent weeks messaging girls before me to only find they had no intention of meeting, therefore by the time he got to me his attitude was to not waste time, however his intentions were genuine. I found that players would be messaging multiple people and looking for the first girl to agree to meet him for a quick hook up to fulfil his current urge and it wouldn’t matter if it was after messaging after 3 days, or 3 weeks. On the other hand I have been ghosted because a confirmed date has not been put in the diary and the person I have been talking to has the attention of several other women at one time and therefore not able to keep up the small talk of numerous messages. I personally feel it’s all about timing, and the chance that the person you are communicating with is at the same stage of the dating game as yourself, both equally difficult to establish straightaway.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 December 2015):
 My guess would be that these guys in particular are interested in not much more than looking for cheap thrills from the comfort of an arm chair. Im mean really, I cant categorise any man asking for nude photos and the likes of someone they haven't even met other than sleazy. My thoughts are when it comes to online dating, if you join a site where you pay a subscription then the chances of finding more genuine people increases slightly. Nobody likes to waste good money.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (25 December 2015):
We've all heard on-line dating-site stories about the other person not being what they represented. They may worry about you having misrepresented yourself (such as an ages old photo) or they themselves might have posted a too-glorious profile and are wondering what you'll do when your meet them and discover the truth.
Also, go back over your profile and remove anything that might cast doubts on whether you'll work out for them. They are probably dissecting your profile and reading in between your lines, just like you are probably doing to them. For example, they don't want to hear about your previous boyfriends (whether the comments are favorable or not) or something that suggests you are a gold digger.
Are you too serious in your chats? Be sure to smile and be interesting.
If we initially met these people in person (rather than on-line) it would probably put you both more at ease and likely to start seeing each other. On-line dating naturally adds a certain skepticism to initiating a relationship because people sometimes start with the mindset that your are desperate or you turn-off people you meet. I'm not saying this is true, it is just reflects how people generalize as well as how they fear starting a relationship that might be very short term.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 December 2015):
 I think if someone is seriously looking to meet a partner, they will not spend ages on video chats and texting. But it might be a good idea to talk (phone/text/e-mails) first to see if it's someone you REALLY want to met in person too.
I'd personally think 2-4 weeks is about OK to chat first, then meet. I don't think meeting sooner helps you weed out the bad apples faster.
And I agree, I would not be OK with sending boob or other intimate pictures. Those are for someone you are WITH long term, not strangers. (if at all)
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