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Why is this former FWB guy contacting me?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Why would a guy clearly delete my number and then pop up asking for it again?

Hi, so I'm currently 18 and last year me and my guyfriend of nearly two years had sex. He took my virginity and we had sex a few times but as friends. I know, I should've have lost my virginity card like that but I did. I was totally fine with the whole just friends thing because I didn't have feeling for him beyond lust at that point. Tbh for the first year of knowing him I did develop feelings, that seemed quite strong at the time, but I guess I somehow overcame them and started just seeing him as a friend that I was sexually attracted to. Or at least I shoved the feelings so deep into my unconscious that I wasn't, and perhaps am still not, aware of them. We parted ways a few months after that given him moving out of town and me getting ready to head off to university. I was cool with that again because I just wanted to be friends, although I guess the back of my mind was a little unsatisfied over how and to whom I lost my virginity. Don't get me wrong he's a great guy, but I feel as if we're better as friends that don't have sex.

I've decided it would be best to not have contact with him, for many reasons even beyond what I've mentioned in this post. In a nutshell, to clear my head and make sure there are no hidden feelings and to basically move on from the whole thing. Whenever I try he pops up to me just to have a conversation. For the few months after we were "fwb" he never did this. Is he missing me or something? Or hoping I'll sleep with him again? (Which won't be happening). A few days ago he popped up asking for my number as he "lost" it. I don't believe that for a second, knowing him, he deleted it in an attempt to delete me from his life. Also, even if he had genuinely "lost" it, why would it matter? We barely speak anymore and I'd say our friendship has become an acquaintance. What does he want from me? For the entire friendship he's given me mixed signals, that he wanted a relationship, that he wanted to be just friends and that he wanted to have sex with me. He seems abit lost but why get me involved?

View related questions: lost my virginity, move on, university

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A male reader, PJ Roy American Samoa +, writes (13 August 2017):

"I don't believe that for a second, knowing him, he deleted it in an attempt to delete me from his life."

In other words, he had done exactly what any of the aunts and uncles here would have advised him to do had he come here for advice about missing you and being unable to function properly, say.

I don't see enough evidence from your post to justify my pigeon-holing him into he's a guy and accordingly that means he just wants more sex.

My question is, Is he still out of town?

If so, let's say he's in a situation where he has no one, as in, he really needs someone, with whom he's shared something that's meaningful to him after all. And he's turned to you.

Let's say, let's say... He's hoping to see if there's a chance for more sex. That's what 99.9999% of guys on this Earth are programmed by Nature for.

Big *F_cking* Deal!

I mean, does this necessarily mean that He does not respect you enough to trust you to make your own decisions?

Is that what you take away from the time the two of you were friends with benefits?

There's no need yet to be cynics. If he's out of town and reaching out to you, there's a chance it's because he's reaching out to someone with whom he's shared something he deems meaningful.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 August 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYep, I'm on the "he just wants to see if you are up for some casual sex" team as well.

the reason you go such mixed signals from him in the past was probably that he didn't entirely knew what you wanted. If he had REALLY wanted a relationship he would have taken you out on dated or tried to spend time IN person (one on one) - but he made you think that MAYBE there were more there and perhaps that was one of the reasons you had sex with him? Because you hoped it could lead to more?

Personally, I'd let him go 100% - that means to wish him well and block & delete. That way you can go about your life meeting new people and maybe even dating someone else.

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A male reader, devont United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2017):

devont agony auntFirstly, I think losing your virginity with a friend is one of the best ways to lose your virginity. Don't be so hard on yourself about that.

Secondly... he wants more sex. That's why he's in touch.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017):

Easy answer!

He is going through a DRY SPELL!

You are easy pickings because you were easily available before to scratch his itch!

He is hoping you will scratch him again!

You know where!!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (11 August 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt I agree with N91. He wants sex . ( Your ex FWB, not N91 : )

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2017):

N91 agony aunt99.999% sure that he's hoping to have sex with you again.

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