A
male
age
36-40,
*aijuSlayer88
writes:If a man is bitter, resentful, is filled with feelings of bitterness, resentment, no woman will want him, but a man is generally more forgiving if a woman is feeling bitter, resentful, why is this? Why are guys expected to always, or almost always be in a better mood than the woman is in order to be attractive to the opposite sex, are expected to have a better attitude, mindset? Because we all have hardships in life, us guys are not robots or androids, I hate how we are expected to bottle up our emotions all the damn time. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): Well, living a lifetime of anger and bitterness will eventually land you in a prison cell or dead. Seek anger-management therapy, and stop writing illogical posts trying to justify and defend irrational and undisciplined emotions in men.
You can be as angry and resentful as you please, as long as you keep it to yourself.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 May 2015):
 Are you even bothering to read the advice you ask for? If you want to wallow in anger and bitterness, go for it. If you want to change your life, your attitude will need adjusting.
Decide what will serve you best.
Sorry you are stuck. You are the only one who can change that. All we can do is offer our advice.
Life is unfair.
I think your best bet is to spend less time in the virtual world and more time in the real world.
...............................
A
male
reader, KaijuSlayer88 +, writes (13 May 2015):
KaijuSlayer88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI remember I got very angry and pissed off, when I discovered an answer, explanation as to why being bitter and resentful looks worse in men than it does in women, this is why:
"I think it is because being bitter and resentful is similar to being bitchy and are unappealing feminine traits. David Deida writes about the importance of masculine & feminine polarity in relationships. A bitter and resentful man isn't going to turn on today's straight woman who responds to mature masculinity."
That really angered me and pissed me off more, basically that in a nutshell, and someone argued with me by saying to me:
"You're pissed because it's easy for an unbalanced woman to find a bad relationship with an immature man, but not so much the other way around since it is more important for the man to be more mature and mentally, emotionally healthy and secure"
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Simple , because the truth is that we still do live in a patriachal world anden have it so much better than women. They have no right to complain at all
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 April 2015):
 Judging from your user name I am guessing you are a lone gamer and are afraid to go out and meet women. Men and women may be bitter about different things. You may be asking this from a position of wondering why it's so hard for you to get a girlfriend while women have an easier time with dating.
For example, if on the first date, you give off a negative energy that you've been lonely and single for a long time and your date gets turned off.
When the situation gets flipped on the other side, the woman either gets a man who wants to be a knight in shining armor to rescue the damsel in distress, or a horny frustrated guy a who takes advantage of her vulnerability.
If you are asking in general why men can't express anger and bitterness but women are welcome to do so, some think we are still living in a patriarchal world. Most laws are made by men and problems like war and rape are created by men. Both men and women are repressed to some degree. It doesn't look good when men complain when women see them as the source of the evils in the world.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2015): I sort of see what you are saying. Its more acceptable for a woman to show emotion than it is for a guy. Guys are the 'tough' ones, the 'problem solvers,' the 'providers.' And yeah you are right, to an extent, it probably is easier for a woman to get away with showing certain emotions without being judged too harshly than it is for a guy. With that said, it is not healthy for either gender to be bitter and resentful. And in all seriousness, it is not attractive for either a man or a woman to act bitter and resentful. These are universally unattractive qualities, whether you are a man or a woman. Showing these emotions is not attractive for anybody, period. There are much healthier ways to cope with problems regardless of your gender. A woman just as much as a man, who has learned appropriate ways to deal with problems will not display these feelings. No matter the situation at hand, they will handle it gracefully. I mean, have you ever met an angry, bitter, resentful woman and thought, "wow, what a great girl! Would love to get to know her better!" Yeah, probably not. Most people wouldn't find that attractive. If you are feeling bitter and angry and feeling rejected because you harbor these feelings, you are not alone. Most people who carry these negative feelings, both men and women, are going to come into conflict with others just as much as you do. Rather than single yourself out and feel like a victim, you should instead deal with these negative feelings. You may have some underlying anger issues that you are not dealing with. And I feel like you are trying to find excuses to justify the way you are coping with it. These excuses are only making you angrier and more resentful. You already feel angry and now you are adding another level to it, by making some bogus claim that women who are resentful have it easier than men. Which is only making you angrier and feel like more of a victim. And it's so false. You need to stop playing the victim and making up scenarios to keep you feeling victimized and just deal with your anger. Perhaps seek therapy. I think that would suit you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 April 2015):
 You write: "If a man is bitter, resentful, is filled with feelings of bitterness, resentment, no woman will want him, but a man is generally more forgiving if a woman is feeling bitter, resentful, why is this?"
WHO said this is so????
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2015):
 I agree with llifton. Yours is a wide generalization and it comes from your personal, subjective experience. But it's not necessarily shared by the world at large. My observation, for instance, is that bitternes and resentment are equally offputting in both genders, and get equal low tolerance. Bitter and resentful people are equally impopular. Bitterness and resentment are a drain on people's energy ; they impact negatively and discourage other persons who maybe are valiantly fighting THEIR difficulties with a positive attitude and a smile in their face.
Plus, it's intellectually hard to grasp. I do not doubt that most people ( heck, everybody ! we live in a difficult world ) may have REASONS to feel bitter and resentful, but, for some weird reason, ... precisely those who'd have the most cause for feeling bitter and resentful, are those who feel it less. I know a totally blind gentleman, for instance, who's one of the most positive, upbeat people I've ever met. He's not happy about being BLIND, of course ( he's not stupid, he realizes that life dealt him a bad hand of cards ) but, he's happy about .. all the rest.
Or take any older person, someone in their 80s. They feel everybody around them saying, next year I'll do this, in 2 years I'll buy that...while ,as for themselves, they do not even know if they'll still be around in one or two years. That should make them bitter like I don't know what- but the majority are not. They are just grateful that they still are around to enjoy ...whatever there is enjoy. Or even , around to suffer whatever there is to suffer.
Yeah, maybe it's this that makes, to me at least, a bit difficult to show you solidariety : you are YOUNG. What the f..k is there to be bitter about ? whatever is it that you are unhappy about, statistically speaking you've got tons of time, chance and energy to change it, improve it, or ,lack of better, come to terms with it. If you prefer to wallow in your bitterness rather than to promote positive changes, - your choice , eventually.
That does not mean that you have to bottle up or suppress negative emotions. You can share them, pray your god if you have one, or your inner guide if you are agnostic, you can write a diary, call a help line, confide in your friends , write to Dear Cupid :). You can channel then into creative or artistic endeavours, you can burn them out through strenuous exercise or hard work. You can see a therapist. You can use your anger for useful purposes, like championing a social or political cause . You'll find your own way to turn poison into medicine- negative emotions into positive deeds.
You can do that- and you should. Call me superstitious , but the Universe has a strange sense of humour. Often it has a way to tell you : oh so you are bitter uh ? Even if you are young, healthy , not homeless, not starving etc.etc. ? OK: now, let me give you something to be REALLY bitter about, so maybe next time you'll think twice before disregarding all the gifts you have been given.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 April 2015):
 I'm not sure I agree at all with this generalized statement that bitter men are far more unattractive than bitter women. I think bitterness is quite unflattering to all people equally - men and women alike. Bitter women are just as unattractive as better men. And men turn down bitter women just the same.
Bitterness is just an unflattering character trait, in general. Bitterness and resentment just exudes negativity and is just a downer to be around. If i'm around a bitter person, it's just a drag. I wouldn't surround myself with that, no matter the gender/sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): I'm reading this wondering if we live on different planets. I'd ALWAYS been aware that there's a stereotype of a bitter woman and that it scares the living daylights out of any woman that she will be perceived as that stereotype because no man will ever want her...especially as she gets older.
On the other hand, I'd always been aware that 'bitter' men are there to be 'cured' by the love of a woman.
I'm confused about where your ideas have come from..? I'm not saying you're wrong (or that I'm right) I'm just gobsmacked. Genuinely, I'd be interested to know how you arrived at this...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): I hear you brother.
Now you have to remember; bitterness and resentment are negative-emotions. These are emotions that can get out of hand when super-charged by testosterone, and fueled by aggression or anger. You should control public-displays or physical-eruptions of these emotions; or you might find yourself sitting in a cell at a police station cooling off.
You are allowed to be angry and upset; it's just how well you manage these emotions that really matters.
In a rage; most guys shout, punch walls, slam doors, break things, hit people, and act in very threatening ways. That's when "bitterness and resentment" have gone beyond
frustration. That pent-up hostility reaches a boiling-point that you seldom see in a female. So, as a man; you have to defuse your tensions when around women and children. Other men might clock you, and bring you back to your senses. Simply put, you have to get a grip. Work that bitterness out of your system; before you have a heart-attack or an aneurism.
Bitterness and resentment often makes the blood-pressure rise, and can do serious harm to your health. Especially for men! It shortens your life-span.
Society's "double-standard" principle of manhood requires that we not cry or display open emotion. Soft-emotions, we are more prone to hide. Society expects us to be controlled and Vulcan-like through ALL emotional situations. Males, being creatures of logic, can pretty much hide our "feelings." Women think we are calloused to breakups, the lack of tears in appropriate situations makes us seem indifferent and cold.
Women are less likely to show their "resentment" and "bitterness" through aggression. They may yell and throw tantrums, nag, or do treacherous deeds; but they rarely use their strength to demonstrate their anger and hostility to the degree men might. Though females can be physically powerful, and can do you some serious physical harm; they rarely resort to violence as quickly as we men do. However; as of late, the viral videos of violent females is on the rise. That's more attributed to social disease. Many factors play into this. Socioeconomic conditions, and dysfunction within the households they grow-up in. There is usually a lot of domestic violence and their parents practice physical punishment. If you get hit a lot, you end up resorting to violence.
So your open display of anger, bitterness, and frustration can be intimidating. Police and law enforcement may profile particularly agitated people. Especially men. So it might be a good idea to get a grip on it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 April 2015):
I don't think bitterness and resentment are attractive in either gender. Obviously you feel that men are held to a different standard. There are many posts from women who feel they are held to a different standard. This could go back and forth all day.
Here's the fundamental truth..... Life is unfair.
That's it.
Life is unfair.
Grasp it. Accept it. And move on with your life.
Wallowing in bitterness and resentment will keep you stuck. Go talk to a counselor about your bottled up emotions if you are this angry and resentful.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 April 2015):
 I don't think it's worse for a man to be bitter. I think it's a SHAME for BOTH men and women to WASTE time, emotions and effort on bitterness, but I do think we ALL go though a time where a little bitterness is a good thing. It's the people who wallow in it, who are unattractive, be they MALE or FEMALE.
I don't know who has told you to bottle up your feelings, but all I CAN tell you is, FIND a HEALTHY way to unleash them, being bitter DOES nothing for you, long term. Now if you equal letting emotions out with yelling, screaming hitting, then yes, that is NOT attractive (but it wouldn't be attractive for a woman to do the same, would it?)
...............................
|
