A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last year my husband told me he didn't know if he loved me or not and said I didn't support him enough. The smallest things I did caused him to explode in anger and he said he did not enjoy spending time with me. Our daughter was 18 months old at the time and I also worked part time. I could not explain the anger and contempt he showed me, so I checked his phone once and found a text to a married, female work collegue (who also had a toddler) saying 'Im miserable. Im missing you so much'. I confronted him and he said they were just close friends and he liked her company. He denied an affair or any physical relationship. Later, 2 other colleagues of my husbands I spoke to suspected an affair but didn't know for sure. I checked his phone once more a few weeks later and it said 'can't believe we spoke for an hour earlier. I can't get enough of you'. I confronted my husband again and he said he had written a message to trap me - to see if I was looking at his phone. I also confronted this woman and she also denied an affair and said they were just close friends. She told me that she was pregnant by her husband and she told me not to speak to him, as he was really happy. A few months later her husband got in touch with me as he suspected an affair. I asked him if he ever questioned the paternity of the child. His reply 'what child'. He didn't know she was pregnant. She said she made up the pregnancy to reassure me that she was happily married. I don't know if she was pregnant or not? The child certainly doesn't exist. My husband denies an affair, but I am baffled by the anger and contempt he shows me, when I am the innocent party. I am divorcing my husband as I do not want to stay with someone who tells me they don't know if they love me...and I am hurt by the anger and contempt he shows me. He wants no contact, and says the breakdown of our marriage is my fault and also places the blame with my parents (despite only seeing them twice a year) saying Im too close to them and he felt I gave him no support. If someone could explain any of that I would be grateful, especially why he's so angry with me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): What's to explain? He's a contemptuous asshole. If you're wondering whether he's right and it's your fault. Then no, of course it's not. He's just trying to make you blame yourself for his own failings and inadequacies.
He's a horrible little man, with no sense of honour or pride. He's just a cowardly little boy that thinks he can everything but when things go wrong none of it is his fault. Irresponsible and you really should just break off all contact as he's trying to make you sound like the bad guy. You don't need his poisonous crap in your life. Good riddance to that fool.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. yes, there's too much circumstancial evidence sadly to think that it was just a friendship. I feel a huge miscarriage of justice that they were not honest. They have a lot to lose. They are both in the military and I guess, could lose their jobs.
It is far from amicable...he refuses to move out of our marital home, has thrown all my belongings in the garage (ruined many of my clothes) refuses to give us any money and holds extreme contempt and anger towards me. Anyone would think I've had the affair.
He is punishing me like I've committed the crime. I can't make sense of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): I think they are both lying to you. It seems they are having an affair. It sounds like he does have feelings for this other woman and that is where his contempt toward you comes from. Men do that. When they fall in love with another woman they will find any excuse to be "mad" at you. That way it gives them a "way out" at any time to go see the other woman. And also erases his guilt cause now he can just blame you so that you carry the brunt of his guilt, thinking somehow it is your fault. And leaves you totally confused. The truth is he is the one who is wrong not you, he is just too cowardly to admit it so instead he blames you and any other excuse he can find, (your parents, whatever). He is a coward. If he is not a big enough person to talk, let you know what's going on, be honest, (which he is not) there is no point beating your head against a wall trying to look for answers. Good for you that you are getting a divorce.
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