A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im just curious. why is it that a girl i have been friends for quite some time (appx 6 years) is all of a sudden cold towards me. She would rather be a groupie and chase musicians to various states, then have the nerve to say that it was just trips she went on with friends, but wont give me the time of day after i tell her that i would actually like to take our friendship to a nicer level. She practically is making me feel ugly. i know it sounds creepy coming from a guy. she even went as far as to tell me not to phone text her. so fine, i just told her not to email me. lol. so i cant text her now, nor cant she email me. incredible. A friend of hers told me she is with a new amazing man now. Gee, so how about she tell me this? Hmm, is it possible she is dating her boss? not for nothing, i have sisters and i hear their wonderful conversations. i hope girls who read this dont get offended. but its no picnic on my end either. She is 23. This IS the age from what i have seen, bosses love to have that summer fling with an employee. fine. but dont take it out on someone who truly like you.distraught.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): You're a nice guy and you finish last in her book.
Get over it and get on with your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontrancedrhythmear thanks man... yea western girls.. think their sh*t dont stink.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): Hey man!
Yeah stop chasin'.. shes being rather passive aggressive in her response to you (then again, most western women are). Her silence means take a hike. Yes, very bluntly. She could be easier on you but I feel your persistence maybe led her to be mmm not so nice. Plenty of women out there, this one isnt worth your time at all trust me. She will more than likely not reciprocate feelings ever. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW, I NEVER FELT SO MUCH TUFF LOVE HERE. THANKS CINDY AND HONEY PIE. Either one of you care for a drink? 3 I like u cindy... lol I love a badass woman
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Nobody can make you feel ANYTHING that you are not already willing to feel. Nobody can convince you that you are stupid if you know you are smart, nobody can convince you you have no talent if you believe in your talent. . It's for the things that, deep down, we are insecure about, that we are quick to buy other people's negative feedback. If you feel "devaluated " simply for having been turned down by a girl who does not fancy you back, - maybe I'd take my sense of self worth to the repair shop for a quick check up.
I also must say that I don't necessarily agree with " if it feels abusive, it's abusive ". It's not the girl's fault if you don't cope with rejection well, or if you felt entitled to get from her something that she had no intention of giving you.
I do agree that there are many ways to handle this kind of situation, and she has not chosen the most tactful or most compassionate. Then again, since you admit you had been pestering her,maybe this communication breakdown is her way to say " which part of NO did you not understand ?".
Don't go disturb ethics or God for this unpleasant but alas very common accident. You got shot down, OK. And, guess what ? Probably it won't be your last time either. Hey, it happens. Some people like you and some don't.
Learn from what happened, and next time read more carefully the signs and go ahead only when the green light blinks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 May 2011):
 Cut her out of your life, and do it now. For your own sanity.
And in the future don't put a girl up on a tall tall pedestal, it hurt like heck when you fall down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL ok, yea i may have been a little "annoyingly persistant", but only after she made me feel "devalued." You know, we're never meant to be devalued. We are of infinite value. We are children of God (not to get dramatic). Not only do i feel devalued, but then i feel like if it's me... did i do this? is it my fault? And yea, she is not "obliged" to like me back. Or even talk to me for that matter. Keyword here though i think is "Ethical." You know, if it feels abusive, it is.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 May 2011):
I don't think she is taking it out on you.
She just does NOT want to take your friendship to a nicer level, and wants this message to be inequivocable, loud and clear.
Could she have handled the issue in a more sensitive , delicate way ? Yes.
Then again, who knows - maybe you have been too annoyingly persistent, or maybe she feels like you took advantage of your " friendship " to make a move on her, or maybe she does not want to give you false hopes and sometime you've got to be cruel to be kind.
Whatever it is, she is not " obliged " to like you back just because you like her , and the sooner you accept this, the less rejection will sting.
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