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Why don't men spend money on me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 November 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:


I have always dated men who do not spend money on me. They would have splashed out on their previous gf's but not on me. Usually I am the one to get them great gifts but I rarely get anything cool in return, just cards and some random generic gift like candles etc.

My current bf bought his ex gf a phone, furniture a flat and a tv. He got me a book.

What the hell? Can someone enlighten me?

View related questions: ex girlfriend, his ex, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009):

One of the funniest thing I ever heard from a guy was an explanation he offered up regarding his spending so much money on his ex-wife...he said she was such a good receiver, that she always appreciated gifts so much and would make a big deal of anything he bought her...I think there in lies the secret. Make a big deal out of anything he gives or does for you and see if he doesn't try to do it bigger next time!

Make sure your smile is as big as it can possibly be, clap your hands, squeal, hug him and make sure to tell all your friends and family in his presence, about the gift.

Also, some women are very good at dropping hints about what they want...very subtly they express sighs and fawn over items they want in the presence of their men...and magically these things appear. I even had a friend that posted a picture of an engagement ring on her refridgerator...guess what? She got it, the exact one she wanted.

The moral of the story need to be a better receiver :)

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2009):

celtic_tiger agony auntStop being so greedy!

Presents should not be expected, and you shouldnt expect your boyfriend to splash out huge amounts of money on you. You give a present because you want the recipient to enjoy it, not so that you get goodies back in return. That is not how it works.

Yes he may have done it with his ex partners, but he may have been with them longer, he may have been more financially stable, and he may not have minded not having any money for himself. How do you know that this ex didn't demand such "expensive" gifts? Maybe she thought she deserved all these presents, making him prove how much he loved her by the things he brought for her. Why does this bother you so much? Are you jealous? Do you think he loved her more than you?

So what if he does buy you the expensive phone? What does he get you next time? Would it have to be bigger, more expensive, more exclusive next time? Will you just expect these things all the time?

Things may have changed in his mind especially if his ex's were all greedy too. A man will only be taken for a cash cow for so long, and the more you sulk and act like a spoilt child who isn't getting her own way, the less likely he is to buy you anything.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2009):

hlskitten agony auntI completely understand where your going here. I have always noticed the same thing with myself and the guys I date.

Its almost definately becaus we are givers, these guys cotton on to that pretty darn quick. And I'm afraid they like it that way. Their exes were probably takers.

My ex used to fit new kitchens in his exes place, put new ceilings in etc etc. They would take off him and not bat an eyelid. Yet I was the one that used to do everything for him. Caused problems in the end because I resented it! I know, crazy.

Its taken 2 years of singledom, sorting out in my head why I give too much. And now I prefer being single! lol Not for that reason though.

But I would hold off on the doing and giving to him. Because someone will get used to having it easy very quickly, and then you end up feeling put on! x

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (13 November 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntBecause you date men who don't spend any money on you.

Don't like the type of guy you date, date another type. It ain't rocket science.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009):

I inderstand you very well. I had thoughts like that also, before my marriage.

Then I realized couple of things. When men tell you stories on how much they spent money on other women, mostly likely it's the opposite.

When a guy spends a lot of money on you very early in a relationship, it's 2 things- he might be very rich, so money is no object to him, or he is trying to get you. Once that happens, they ussualy burn out very fast, gifts stop, outings diminish to a minimum.

I would look for a man who will give me gifts on our wedding anniversaries. But try to see the difference between cheap man and a man who doesn't find appropriate to give expensive gifts to a new girl in his life.

Spare yourself from giving them gifts at all, may be something very little.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009):

Seriously? You have a guy who's right for you in other regards and you're complaining because he doesn't get you fancy presents? I guess you are, and I'll try to answer this.

Let's suppose you were the guy here. If you bought a girl "a phone, furniture, a flat, and a tv" and she still broke up with you, or things still didn't work out, would you rush into repeating that with the next girl to come along? Not unless you were an idiot. Probably these guys learned their lesson with the exes! By making what they had to offer material, they attracted girls who were materialistic. Do you fit that description? Maybe you need to find a guy who hasn't yet been taken for a ride by some shallow female, and will lavish you with presents in order to keep your affection.

How long have you and this guy been dating, anyway? If he was with his last ex for years and you've been with him a few months, your feelings of entitlement are even more ridiculous.

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