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Why does she keep sending mixed messages?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 September 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2014)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

I have fallen in love with a women 6 hours from me. She has told me how much she loves me and when I asked her to move here with me in my home, she said she cannot due to her girls. She said she cannot have what she wants right now.

Then she goes back to telling me she loves me and cannot wait to be with me and how she cannot wait until our bodies are together at night while sleeping together. She has come on like a ton of bricks and has claimed she loves me more than anyone ever and how great and genuine I am. This went on for 5 months.

She has a man living in her house that shows nothing towards her or her older kids. They hate him as does she.

Now, she says(after sucking me in)that she needs to "lay low because I do not know what I want or need." "I will never forget you."

2 days later, she is texting me again at 6 in the morning wanting to talk. I will respond and then our conversation continues.

View related questions: mixed messages, text

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A male reader, Chancellor United States +, writes (28 September 2014):

Cindy Cares and Eric Troy seem to have a good grasp on this. This morning at 6:25, she sent me a text saying, "Good Morning Babe." "I hope you have a great day."

Why would someone "toy" with someone like this? The rest of the story I ommitte4d. I was involved with one of her second cousins for many years. We were not married yet lived together with our kids, that is how I met this one. The one I was with cheated on me and this one was mad at her and told me I did not deserve that. This one also broke off all relations with the other and started an even deeper friendship with me which became love. I was not re-bounding or wanting an affair for this one seemed genuine and I liked her morals and values. She had me believing every thing she said to the point where I went and visited her. Yes, we were physically involved during the trip. Everything grew much deeper until my original story. I sent her things that were sentimental to our relationship and last night she said do not send anything else because she feels bad that she has sent me nothing. My feelings were hurt such that I felt that what I did send was from my heart and were not appreciated. She sent me a text later before I went to bed that said, "Do not take it the wrong way." I am going to bed now because I don't feel good." "Good Night, sleep well."

If she has not intent or intentions to take this any farther, why does she keep texting and communication open with me. She said several times, "I cannot have what I want right now." I asked what she wanted and she said me.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Cindy too, this lady is playing you.

She has a man living with her, and she and kids hate him? Um, doesn't THAT strike you as odd? My guess is this is ONE unhappy housewife who is using YOU for her fantasy and entertainment. She wants to feel "special and happy" and YOU provide the fodder. It's all fantasy for her. NOT reality, which is why when you pushed for her to do something about it , she balked.

Though..... if you two have never met in person, don't you think it's quite risky of you to ask her to move in? You don't know her as a person. You know ONLY what she has told you and what you maybe can glean between the lines, but her habits, her personality? You don't really know her.

I'd cut the contact and find someone closer by who is looking for the same thing as you.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (28 September 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Easy. Do not respond. Do not continue your conversations- end them altogether.

This is not going anywhere. This woman is using you to fill a void in her life- she is bored, she is ftitrated sexually, she is having escapist fantasies... but, in practice, she is not willing to move and be with you. She is not kicking out, or leaving, the man she lives with .

She is not changing anything in her status quo, in a way that may include you now or in future, and she admits clearly she does not even know what she wants or needs.

She is using you. You provide her entertainment and attention and " eomance " .5 months of that- haven't you had enough ?!

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