A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:She uses her friend to talk to me.Hi, you may have heard of me in previous posts. The 15 years old boy with the not so nice girlfriend.First of all, I would like to thank the people who have supported me and answered my previous questions, you guys are somewhat very helpful. I will keep readers updated to what is happening. Here is what happened today.I went on ignoring her as if she wasn't even there on msn and would talk to everyone as if nothing was. Usually, I would sincerely write without any charisma and...well you could tell something was wrong. Suddenly, her best friend talks to me and I don't really talk to her much! Last time I talked to her was two months ago. I knew she was either going to try to convince me to talk to my girlfriend or add her into the conversation. I waited, in case I would be wrong and talked to her as if everything was normal. We were joking around and all, you know, kid conversations! Then, suddenly she opens adds my girlfriend into the conversation and starts talking as if everything was normal.- Note to readers: Once, I talking to my girlfriend on msn and she told me she didn't want to talk to me. I got angry and went offline without a word. After 20 minutes or so, her best-friend - to which I never gave my number - calls on my cellphone at night and asks me to come online and talk to my girlfriend or call her. I refused, of course. That was a long time ago, around June. So yeah, you can see how deep this thing goes, she never takes the first steps to try to talk to me. Why the hell didn't SHE call me? I DON'T KNOW. -So, when she added my girlfriend in the conversation, I left it in barely 5 seconds and stayed online for two minutes and then disconnected. When I came back online, I told her friend "sorry, you know msn, it's not something to trust really :)". I made it clear that it was a lie and that I don't want her nose in the story, so she better not try that again. If my girlfriend wants to talk to me, she has to comme by herself.I made a mistake, school starts from NOW in two days, not tomorrow. So it'll be easier for me. But there's something I want to talk to you guys about, but put on your seatbelts because it's going to be a wild ride. My girlfriend had a lot of relationships before me, about 5 boyfriends. But only one was really serious. That only one, she was with him for three years but most of the time they didn't talk for months because he was a really bad person in a sort of way. In secondary two, which is two years ago, I was working as a security member at the school halloween dance and I wanted to ask her to dance with me at the slow dance, but as I approached, another guy came in, took her in his arms and started dancing. At that time, I never knew sh ehad a boyfriend because they barely talk because of him! I'm not joking, they would stop talking to each other for 7 months, SEVEN whole months! Is that even a realtionship? Worst part, for NO reason! Anyways, I backed out and sat down...as they were dancing, they kissed...right there, in front of me. That day was probably one of the worst days of my life, I left without a word and sat the whole night thinking. I won't lie, tears did come out. Next day, I find out that he broke up with her as soon as he got out. And of course, as her very good friend who is always there for her, I stood by her side and even went to talk to the guy because he was playing with her heart! I almost got in a fight with him, I have to say, it got personnal. Then, a year after that, I found out she loved me...and after hardships because she had troubles believing in love, we had our first kiss, and went out with each other. I made her believe in love...can you imagine? I was so happy at that time, that was my first kiss. Because I never had a girlfriend before, not because I couldn't get one, but because I wanted only one...the right one. I was very mature from a VERY young age. Not long ago, about two weeks ago, I found out by facebook when she added that she STILL talks to her ex. That hurt my pride! Because I almost had a fight with him for her and she just goes and talks to him like nothing was? But I don't really mind, to be honest, I'm a nice guy and does kind of things I understand where she wants to take part of a friendship...so I let go. But what really killed me, is the fact that when she posted comments on his wall, she would ERASE THEM. As if to hide the fact she talked to him! So I got so angry and stopped talking to her. Right then...you cannot believe how much she hurt me. That was the time where my friend told her that maybe I could break up with her and she said "haha, I don't mind, maybe it'll be better that way."". When my friend showed me the conversation, I was completly amazed by how much her anger can surpass that love she has for me that I thought was much stronger than that! In fact, those months I have been questionning myself a lot about the subject. After 5 days she came and talked to me to ASK ME WHY I WAS ANGRY AT HER. Becaue she didn't even know and STILL she didn't come talk to me nor even ASK. Worst thing is, that guy still loves her! But he treats her like a slut! The most romantic thing he can say to her is "you've got the rear of a goddess". I was so angry when she told me about how he talks to her about masturbating. Then I'm like "Why don't you block him, damn it I respect you and you want a guy like that to come in and insult you like that?". She didn't even bother blocking him. She never told me she had that much boyfriends before me, she told me after 2 or 3 months we've been going out. I was very surprised to hear it. She began bragging about how much she had fun because they were so funny but she says they're not as half as "great" as me. Once she said, "I'm sorry I had so many boyfriends, I don't want to bring you shame or 'cause you any problems." I didn't care really, because I love her. For me, that's all that really mathered, love. She often talks about sex and talks with my friends or her guy friends about pretty perverted stuff. I am not pervert, I'll make that clear from now. I never were that kind of person and never will be, I'm above that! She doesn't TELL ME she wants to have sex with me, but she says it subtely like "wanna go in the bushes?" or "lets go make babies" or "wanna go to the toilets?", you know? That kind of stuff. But she says it as if she's joking with me. I hope she's not trying to give me signs because I respect her and I wouldn't want to do anything with her till we're old enough. Enough about the past for the moment, for now, she's still the same and won't seem to learn from her mistakes. She sent her FRIEND to talk to me and be a ling between us. She is ruining our relationship if she does that because we need to communicate, and that way of communicating is unhealthy for our relationship. I can keep ignoring forever and she won't come talk to me, what to do?
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male
reader, buckmaster  +, writes (18 August 2010):
Ok, I hate to break it to you but at your age you must understand that girls that age love being treated badly. It won't change till she has been burned enough to know better. Girls like assholes at this age because i think it gets them off being treated badly they love the thrill till it gets to the point they dont want that anymore. I was in the same situations before and now that I am older girls seem to like nice guys a lot more. But as for you at a young age you shouldn't stress over girls at a young age. Not many relationships last even after high school. Just hang out have a good time and make the best of it cause you only do it once.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right PsyCookie, I am mad and I am fed up with all that she's done. I know what it means to be too good for someone and I never really felt that way about it towards her. Even though I care for her more than she does and fought for her more than she ever will, but isn't that love? To give without waiting something in return? I'm trying to give her the best of me, but I've been so hurt and mistreated too many times that I've forgotten what I am truly! Am I her pet or her boyfriend? Am I even something to her!? Worst part is that I love her more than I love myself and that's why I've been so patient with her! Let me tell you something about her...it was one of my big days, I'm an actor and I was playing in a school play just for fun. But it was very impotant for me and she knew it. One of my friends is in the play, he's a secondary character while I was the main one. After the school play finished, after 6 hours of hard-work...it was the last day of school and she didn't even come talk to me. Her mom was there and she didn't even present me to her! But she intreduced my friend to her mother! I was bummed. It's like, I have no importance to her! I know it seems like "wth" but all those little things really matter to me! We were wearing suits and she went to him and was heelping him with his tie and everything and I was like...is HE her boyfriend ar am I her boyfriend? By the way, it's not jealousy, I'm completly not a jealous guy. But I have morals, I have feelings and it hurts when it's your big night and you're sitting alone in the corner looking at your girlfriend from a distance talking and laughing and completly ignoring you. She didn't even come to say "good job". That night really hurt me. My friend saw me and he looked me asking me "what's wrong"...then h just looked at my girlfriend and said "oh...don't worry, it's going too be alright" and he patted me on my shoulder. Yes I am fed up. Yes I am angry. I am a nice guy, but I'm TOO nice, and I never should have been.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (3 September 2008):
 I'm following your problems and I'm sorry I didn't come earlier.
The first thing I thought after I read all of this was "He's angry". In your two previous questions, you mainted some level-headedness, but in this one...I find a lot of emotion. I can feel you're fed up and that you can't take all of this anymore.
So I agree with your friends, you're too good for her and that you could do so much better. By "too good", we all mean that you're a mature, nice guy who loves her for real... yet she doesn't do neither. And by that "you could do much better", we mean that we see you suffering and that this chick who you love so much doesn't love you back, and that's the sad reality maybe they wish they could change.
Some people claim to be mature, but rarely live up to that expectation. I'll repeat it again and thousands of times: You are very mature for your age, and i actually feel some admiration for standing your ground... I think it would hard for even me to do what you're doing. So please, even when you are tempted to go back to her because you ca't stand not being with her, don't do it. Remind yourself all she put you through.
You've been more than a great friend. YOu've been one of those few friends that always stick around no matter what, and she is just taking all of that for granted. You've given advise and she has ignored it. You can't do anything more than that. No matter how much you want it, you can't change this girl. That has to come from her and from the look of things, it will take a long time or a horrible experience for her to change her ways. You did your part on warning her off. Now its her job to just follow it...which I doubt.
Believe me, I KNOW it hurts seeing her go downhil. I KNOW it hurts knowing you can't do anything to help her. I know because one of my most closest friends got into drugs. She was me and my boyfriend's closest friend and of course that hit us really hard. She is really into them... and we tried to warn her, but never listened. She never did. She's still using them...abusing them. It hurts seeing her going down.
I would usually tell the people who can't help their friends to stay there when they fall, but a part of me almost made me not to tell you that. I don't know, I'm a resentful person (when they drive me to the extreme like she has done to you, I tend to be forgiving but there's a litmit for me), but I don't know about you. So, you could always wait for her in the end...when she has hit rock bottom.
I wish you the best for you. Please, keep us informed
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A
female
reader, xkokox +, writes (2 September 2008):
 It's probably time to leave her. Why would you want to be with anyone who treats you this badly?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice Hope...If I break up it her, she'll just leave, because she has too much "pride" to ask to get back together. I know her enough to say that with all she's done. You're right, she is very immature and doesn't listen to my advices while she really should It's her decision really but I care for her and don't want her to be treated like that. A lot of my friends said the same thing "you can do much better than her", but if I come back to raelity, I love her too much to just pass to leave her because "I can do much better"...It's not about doing better, it's about doing with wha you want, with what you love...But I can't stay with he if she stays that way with me, not because I can do much better, but because I'm not staying with someone who doesn't love or care for me like I do. I won't be treated like a pet or garbage and always have it their way. Even in the small things like going to watch a movie or where to go she always has to have it her way. A lot of advices I've given her to better herself or the environement she is in has been constantly ignored as if I'm talking to the wall! Some of her guy friends are competing to see "who steals her the first from me" and when she knew, she didn't do anything about it! She didn't even talk to me about it to reassure me, she kept talking to them and they are really bad people. They talk in her back, make fun of her, and she still talks to them after I warned her a thousand times about their behavior and true intentions. Thank you for your answer, I will keep you updated on the situation..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): I think you were right to leave it for her to talk to you this time, that way you can really see what she's about. Sounds to me like you're the more mature one in the relationship, and she's acting very immature, in the way that she's not talking to you, and just ignores your advice. I really think that you can do much better than her, you really can! But then again, it's easy to say that, but you'll probably still be in love with her at the end of the day. Have you considered actually breaking up with her? And see how she deals with it, if she asks to get back together or if she just leaves.
Keep me posted on how it's going! Good luck!
xx Hope xx
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