A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I am getting older and I am still a virgin. I am about to go to college, so hopefully I will meet someone at some point in the next few years.I was just wondering why it seems like there are a few people who get a TON of sex, and others like me who get none. My brother had sex when he was much younger than me, and kept having sex with a bunch of different girls. One thing will always stick in my mind though. I remember him telling me once that he couldn't count how many girls he had had sex with. He said that it had to be hundreds, or maybe even close to a thousand. He was in his mid 20's and being completely honest.My question is, how can there be hundreds to thousands of girls ready to have sex with my brother at any moment, yet not one for me? I mean statistically it's fucking ridiculous. Am I doing something wrong here? I'm not that bad looking.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I highly recommend getting laid as quickly as possible. It's not that difficult to do. You should try calling a chat line if you live in a big city - have phone sex with some women - have fun. After you do that a few times with the same woman, ask her to meet. Meet her and have sex. She may turn into a regular friend with benefits. What this accomplishes is getting through the "first time" problem. It lets you take women down a peg in your mind and gain some confidence - both of which are key to having sex with the women of your choice. Make sure to wrap it with the phone chick you bone. Keep that discrete too - no need to tell the world. Don't tell her you're a virgin, just have fun. Most women on those lines are only looking for sex anyway. I'm sure hundreds of women will disagree with this post, but it's the way it really is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGotten to college and still no sex or relationship. I don't think it's going to happen for a long time. I just can't lower myself to the level of being a douchebag. Like one guy said, I will probably have to wait till mid to late 20's when the girl's all shift in what they want.
There are a ton of douchebags at college, and once again, they are getting all the girls. The guys who get all the girls have characteristics similar to that like my brother. The way they talk about girls when they aren't around is disgusting.
I can't believe how stupid girls are to fall for these guys. I think I've lost all respect for women and their ability to judge people. Women's intuition is a joke.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Yes sex is that important to many men.If treating women nice got nice guys sex, we wouldn't be having this conversation.Anyone that has ever been friendzoned will say that sex is more important than friendship, and they will usually be right.If so many women are turned off by men that treat sex like a game, why is the game so sucessful at getting them sex?Why pay for sex when women are so willing to give it up for free with little or any emotional investment?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Wow. I'm seriously disgusted by some of these responses, particularly those from the guys. Is sex REALLY that important? Is sex more important than treating women like human beings? Is sex more important than love -- or even friendship?
I don't think so.
From a female's perspective, I am completely turned off by guys who treat relationships like a game with one goal: sex.
If you're that desparate for sex and it really doesn't matter to you who you lose it with, why don't you just pay for it? At least the woman gets SOMETHING valuable out of it, then.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): you haven't found the right girl yet. if he's had sex with that many girls then he dosen't like any of them enough to stay with them.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 That answer from the last male anon is right on the money.
Up until I was twenty-five I looked for love before sex.
I found neither. Once I decided to just go after sex I found both.
Hell, I even turned down a few sexual offers in high school and college, because I wanted be in love first. (Yeah, I was really that stupid.)
When I did finally find love, the sex part never felt special because my girl had already been drilled by several guys just like your brother. I mean how can I compete with all of those other sexual memories swimming around in her head?
I think part of me will always regret being the nice guy and missing out on all of the experiences that everyone else has had. But it’s too late. Now that I'm in my late twenties all the girls my age are either married or so desperate to get married that it’s almost a turn off.
Please don't be like me. Just like the male anon said, you got to be selfish; you've got to play the game. Otherwise you'll finally get to the table ready to have your first bite and all you'll be left with is sloppy seconds.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (18 May 2009):
That answer from the last male anon is right on the money. Up until I was twenty-five I looked for love before sex. I found neither. Once I decided to just go after sex I found both.Hell, I even turned down a few sexual offers in high school and college, because I wanted be in love first. (Yeah, I was really that stupid.) When I did finally find love, the sex part never felt special because my girl had already been drilled by several guys just like your brother. I mean how can I compete with all of those other sexual memories swimming around in her head? I think part of me will always regret being the nice guy and missing out on all of the experiences that everyone else has had. But it’s too late. Now that I'm in my late twenties all the girls my age are either married or so desperate to get married that it’s almost a turn off.Please don't be like me. Just like the male anon said, you got to be selfish; you've got to play the game. Otherwise you'll finally get to the table ready to have your first bite and all you'll be left with is sloppy seconds.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (16 May 2009):
 Women can smell men who only want sex a mile off. And desperation is a very unattractive quality in someone.
Here's a thought: sex isn't the be-all and end-all of everything. And there are much more important things to think about than getting laid.
Your brother is vile and I wouldn't go near a guy like that in a million years. I wonder how many STIs he has had...? Don't aspire to be like that.
Your time will come. You just have to stop placing so much emphasis on having sex. It's really no big deal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDamn the last anonymous male response seemed to really understand my question and I appreciate that response.
I've been thinking that maybe I need to change the way I am around women. Rather than trying to connect and find friendship and love, I think I need to just go after them and not over complicate things.
I always worry a lot about whether a girl really likes me before I ask them out. The funny thing is that when I have asked girls out, they usually say yes. In the end though, I find out that they don't actually like me, but chose to be my girlfriend so that they could try to fulfill some kind of emotional need that I'm not fulfilling. It seems like there are some guys who know exactly how to act to get what they want.
I guess I need to forget all that shit about "being myself" and "being real". The guys who get the girls know how to be their "correct self" given the girl and situation. I have the nice moral guy thing worked out, now I just need to practice how to fake confidence, intellect, maturity, and humor. God it seems like the older you get the shittier and more shallow everything you do becomes.
Thanks for all the responses so far, except the one that thinks I'm a girl :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Most younger women are focused on the most desirable 10% of guys. It's true. At your age women are programmed to be gene-shopping for their offspring. They'll go after the best genetics even if it means they get treated like total shit because they're shopping out of their league. They'll get sex from hot guys even if they have to do it without the guys commiment and they get taken advantage of the whole time. The women probably won't even understand why they do this stuff themselves but the truth is pretty simple. Eventually when they "grow out of it" and are ready to "settle down" they'll decide it's time to settle for someone who is a better and more stable provider. That's you. Now you get to provide for her and the kids that she got from those top guys who used her. All this is natural programming too. A modern woman may not have any kids yet but her opinion about men will shift in her mid or later 20s anyway. Because this is the age when she would already have several kids from the hot guys if there was no birth control.You probably don't like this one bit. And you shouldn't. But you don't have to lose like this. I'm telling you this hateful view of women because you NEED to get more selfish if you're gonna get any. Take women down a peg in your mind and you'll get more of them. Get them off that high pedestal. There are some women that deserve your worshipping but the majority of them absolutely do not. There are decent ones out there but you won't get lucky by respecting and wanting them too much. Not even "the good ones." For example, women say they hate "mixed messages" from guys. This is because THEY FALL FOR IT almost every single goddamn time a guy acts that way!Women also say they hate arrogant jerks. AND THEY FALL FOR ARROGANT JERKS almost every goddamn time! Don't pay any attention to what women say they want or don't want. Only look at what actually works on them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): you have sex when your ready it has to be special and the right person you will know when you have found the one believe me loosing your virginity aint fun it hurts just relax it will happen in time well done for waiting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): a lot of people nowadays that claim to have loads of sex, generally arent.
its the reality.
you have nothing to worry about.
since when did staying a virgin, and saving it for someone worthwhile, become a bad thing?
hmm..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): The difference is your brother probably went out there looking for sex and got it. You on the other hand haven't done that. You can't really look at odds when you are different people with different behaviour.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): He's goodlooking and knows how to talk to women, you got it right there. You bet the women he slept with weren't all smart and beautiful, you haven't met all the women he slept with have you?
Why can't you be proud you aren't a man whore? that your be able to commit one day?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Even if your brother has had sex with women, it is highly unlikely that he has had sex with near a thousand women. Men lie about the amount of partners they have had to seem more like more of a man.
To have not had sex yet isn't a big deal. A lot of people haven't, it's not a big deal.
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A
female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (15 May 2009):
The bigger a douchebag a guy is, the more women fall all over him.. It's a sad truth. There are women out there who do like non-jerky guys, though (unfortunately, they tend to lie older men specifically to avoid the douchebags.)
The reason for that is that women are attracted to confidence in men. Unfortunately, many have been conditioned to believe that arrogance and self-absorption=confidence, as have men.
The key is, finding a woman who recognizes what real confidence. You'll find one eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually many of the women that he had sex with were beautiful, intelligent, and mature women. I mean I don't have the details on all of them, but I don't remember any of the ones I met being slutty, stupid, or emotionally insecure. My brother isn't a bad guy at all. He is smart, good-looking, and knows exactly how to talk to and get with women. He also likes to have sex, like most men, and has always been in tons of relationships all the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Girl you're lucky. keep it. when you get married give it to your husband as your token of love to him. you are the prefect woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): It seems clear that this is doing your head in, understandably enough, and that you would definitely like at this point to experience sex with a girl. 'Hundreds of thousands of girls ready to have sex with my brother at any given moment', while quite an amusing image, can safely be assumed to be an exaggeration on his part.
Have you tried actually pursuing girls? There's nothing statistically ridiculous about still being a male virgin at 18. Many, if not most, of your friends probably still are. But no girl is likely to walk up to you and ask you to have sex with them. You need to make an effort. Initiate relaxed conversation with the girl (or girls) you find attractive (and bear in mind, attractiveness isn't based entirely on looks). Approach them as potential friends and not sexual prospects, at least until it's clear that they like you that way.
Not your fault, but your brother - with whom you're NOT in a count-the-women competition - may well have an influence on the way you think of women. Once you bear in mind that they're human beings, not scary aliens whom you need to sexually conquer in order to prove your manhood, you'll be in a better position to forge fulfilling friendships with them, and the prospects of actually attaining your sexual ambition will be greatly increased.
In the meantime, enjoy your life to the full without letting your virginity become a torment.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 May 2009):
 You're thinking about this all wrong. Maybe you're classier than having a bunch of empty sex with thousands of girls. Trust me, between you and your brother, I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be with you than your brother, the man slut. He's in his mid 20's and has been with that many women? Lasting relationships must be a challenge for him, huh?
While you might not feel as attractive, you completely are. Maybe you value women for more than just tits and ass. Maybe you're choosing not to act like a player and lay on all the lines until you can get some gal into bed. You, sir, behave like a gentleman.
You're right, you're going to college where things are different. I'm sure you'll find someone who likes being with you and who will love sleeping with you. Sex will be that much better because it's with someone who you know, feel comfortable with and can really loosen up and enjoy yourself with. Please don't worry... you are much more appealing than any dawg. They are a dime a dozen - you are a prize.
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