A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, well I really don't know where to start with all of this. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months, we've had our ups and downs with in our relationship but then who doesn't? He has a lot of girl mates, and I know all of them and get on with most of them... but some can be a little, well I know that they don't think I should be with him as I'm not the exactly the most pretty girl in the world, but then I always think 'He must love me other wise he'd have broken up with me'... the only problem is that he knows he is nice looking and he is very flirty, and also very selfish! He'll phone my mum up for a lift to work, which my mum has a lung disease (which means she gets out of breath after 2 seconds of walking)and also has a baby to care for, and when we ask him to get his mum to pick him up he says it's unfair on her because she is working, and if we say about getting a bus to work he'll moan that it's his money that's going down that drain. We talk about our friends and what they are like and I must admit that I do flirt to, but the worse my flirting will get is that I hug another boy and joke about work.But his can get worse than that and he is always telling me about what girls do to him, last year a girl told him that he should go on a break with me, which is a little weird as I don't know her and she only knows about me because they were good friends and spoke about our relationship. Then after a couple of weeks he started telling her my secrets and things that I only told him about, then she started texting him at all hours of the day. Once we were cuddle up talking about some holiday we were planing and he just started talking about her, in the end I just told him I didn't want to know about it and to stop talking about her, but that only seemed to make him go on about it more. I started getting messages from this girl having ago at me, saying that I was spreading rumours about her, but I never told any one about what was going on apart from my mum and I never told her the full details. After awhile it all died down and it went back to just a couple relationship. But he keeps going on about other girls begging for him to borrow his jackets and things like that. On the night of his prom he snuck out of his house to go down to another girls which he barely knew and I ended up getting angry with him and he ended it, but surely I had a right to get angry?A friend and me was talking and I said I had a headache and he said playing with hair and relax it, so he started playing with my hair and when I told my boyfriend that it worked, he just got angry and walked off, but I hadn't done anything wrong. Some nights I'd wake up from a dream that he's cheating on me and I get angry and then just keep telling myself that it's just a dream and I'm being silly.Then last night he told me that a girl had bitten his shorts, but why had he let her get close enough to bite his shorts?! I know that it was the wrong thing to get angry about and normally I'd think nothing of it, but I couldn't help it, it all has added up and I got really angry with him and haven't spoken to him since. He keeps telling me that he wouldn't cheat on me and I do believe him, but why does he let girls touch him and constantly go on about him? please if anyone had this experience before please tell me what should I do and boys if you answering this, why is he acting this way, is it because he wants a reaction out of me or something? Thank you for your time xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry that I didn't reply to say thank you sooner but everything has been a bit chaotic.
Thank you everyone that replied it has really helped and we have been talking and have decided to be more careful to each others feelings x
A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (6 July 2011):
it maybe that he is cheating on you only you will be able to answer that as you know him we don,t or it could possibly be that he is trying to make you jealous i would either split up with him or play him at his own game start talking about other men if he starts to get jealous then you will see what he is doing it for to make you jealous and react to it so he knows for sure you like him
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (6 July 2011):
 I'm really sorry to have to say this but your dreams are not 'silly' - they may not be entirely true, he may not be cheating, and there is no evidence to suggest he is actually but nothing really suggests he wouldn't. The fact is your subconscious in the form of your dreams is absolutely screaming at you that there is serious problems in this relationship - that his behaviour is largely unacceptable and you need to tackle it, leave or if you stay you are going to end up getting really badly hurt:
"On the night of his prom he snuck out of his house to go down to another girls which he barely knew and I ended up getting angry with him and he ended it, but surely I had a right to get angry?"
Yes you totally had the right to get angry and this is another warning sign. I know this is hard to hear, but he seems like a right player to me, he revels in the attention he gets from other girls, that's why he encourages it and boasts about it and shows absolutely no regard for your feelings what so ever.
I know this is going to be hard for you to acknowledge because you are obviously deeply in love with this guy but I really think you need to talk to him; tell him he can't go on behaving like this or alternatively get rid of him because you have to believe you deserve better, because you do. Good luck and take care :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): Obviously your instincts are right about him possibly cheating. He's not going to change and he's going to keep making you look like the bad guy every time he does something wrong or allows something from another girl. He likes the attention and likes the feeling that he can still get chicks even though they know he's with you. He's not worth your time. He's going over the top and can't seem to understand boundaries. Find someone who will respect you enough to not flirt and who will take responsibility for his wrongdoings.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (6 July 2011):
 He is insecure. Well, we all are to some extent, but this is the way he is expressing it, and he needs to grow up.
Or maybe you need to find someone who has already grown up?
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