A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex dumped me out of the blue. He said that I have no self confidence [not true] and I'm not assertive enough- that I'm a push over. So why did he wait until it was too late to tell me this? Why didn't he even tell me this sooner? Why didn't he give me a chance to change this?
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 He wasn't interested in you changing. Simply because he wanted out. He probably got to a stage where he didn't want things to work out.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Telling someone that you don't love them anymore is a difficult thing to do. That is why he "waited".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 October 2011):
 If he dumped you out fo the blue, then it was most likely the only "excuse" he could think of. And him blaming the break up on you... well, maybe he thinks that makes him less of a douche.
Ovbiously he didn't want to be in the relationship any more and finiding faults with you, was his "way out".
Honestly, if you don't have problem with self confidence or being assertive enough - I honestly wouldn't sweat it. He just wasn't right for you and you weren't right for him.
I'm not a fan of dating "fixer-uppers" as in dating someone with the idea that I can "just" fix this or that about them. When you date someone you take them as they are. You help them improve themselves just like they help you improve yourself.
His loss, honey.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Chigirl nailed it when she said "For the record, every fight a couple ever has is them sorting things out instead of breaking up. If you and him ever fought then you were working on your relationship, then you were speaking up. If he stayed silent through the entire relationship, only then can you argue that he should have spoken up sooner."
so very true.
IF he didn't say anything and just "dumped you" out of the blue, then he wanted out and it's his excuse and he's sticking to it. Sadly you will not get much more in the way of closure from this.
People that WANT relationships to work FIGHT for them.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 October 2011):
 That's two seperate issues right there - first of all why do other people give their partners chance to change? Because they want the relationship to work. So what does that mean for you? Your ex didnt want to try to make the relationship work, he didnt care enough and just wanted out.
Why did he dump you for those reasons when it isnt true? Could be two things - 1. he was lying and just wanted to get out so used that as an excuse 2. he sees you differently to the way you see yourself, and in his opinion you lack confidence and that you are a push over, maybe you dont agree but that is his opinion and he is entitled to it.
I understand you are hurting right now hence why it is hard for you to understand, being dumped is awful and it wont make sense to you because the pain is clouding your logic and ability to reason.
But what you need to do is simply accept he didnt want to be with you anymore, regardless of his reasons he simply wanted to get out and that is what he did. Yes it sucks, yes he should have given you a better reason, but at the end of the day it is over and that is that. He is obviously not the right man for you, if didnt think you are wonderful then you can do a lot better, there will be plenty of guys out there who think you are amazing.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 A lot of things don't make sense when you aren't looking at them the right way. From his point of view it makes sense, if it didn't he'd not end the relationship. Even if you can't understand or make sense of it you need to accept that whatever his reasons were he wasn't the one for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't get it. I mean I see people posting on here, saying "how do I make my husband/wife/significant other more assertive/ confident? Yet they don't dump their other half! Why is that? I think it's an complete excuse. I am confident and assertive. Doesn't make any sense at all.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 October 2011):
He didn't want to end it, he was just hoping to see some changes that never came. It's not like a person can ask the other to change for them, what real option did he have?I was wondering the same thing earlier today, so I am glad you asked. I've been in positions where I wonder if it'd actually make a difference had I spoken up. Or if that would have been a waste of time. My conclusion is that, yes, it's a waste of time to speak up about it, if it is something concerning the persons characters. People simply don't change. If he didn't feel happy in a relationship with you then what would you have him do? Maybe the reasons he gave you aren't true, but none the less that doesn't take away the truth that he wasn't happy in the relationship. And he didn't see the problems to be anyones fault, just a general mismatch of you and him. For the record, every fight a couple ever has is them sorting things out instead of breaking up. If you and him ever fought then you were working on your relationship, then you were speaking up. If he stayed silent through the entire relationship, only then can you argue that he should have spoken up sooner.But some people just are like that, non confrontational. They'd rather leave you alone than have a fight with you...
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