A
female
age
26-29,
*hanelle
writes:So I'm going to give some background before I ask my question. I have been dating this guy for a year now and he has told me that he has gotten cheated on mutiple times before and used by females because of his generosity and kindness to buy females gifts. I recently broke up with him after being fed up about the fact that he has always had a problem calling me or just checking up on me, and him talking to other girls calling them beautiful when he is putting me down and making me feel bad about myself. I honestly even started going through his messages and everything when I felt he wasn't being honest This was something that was always brought to his attention so he could make an effort but he never did and his excuse is that he always had a hard time checking up on his girlfriends. And I was tired of asking him since I felt a female shouldn't have to ask her soulmate for a call. We have also been on and off for a year. I met him when he was at his lowest, he had no job, food to eat and no motivation to even do somnething with his life at all and I was kind enough to help him and provide him with food and even buy him clothes. But while I was doing this for him, I was getting caled stupid and just being put down when I have never done anything but be a true friend to him. Even after I broke up with him after a year finally coming to realize that I'm not in a healthy relationship, the name calling got worse and he starting calling me a bitch, fat, ugly, and a whore. I don't know what happened to him because when I met him he was such a gentlemen with a respect and I have no clue where the person I fell in love with went. I didn't treat him bad at all and I remained loyal and honest throughout the entire relationship and never once cheated on him, I even cut off so many guys that I talked to just for him, So what would be the reason for me to get talked down to the way I did when I did absolutely nothing wrong? and why do men treat good women bad?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 December 2014):
 I think a situation like yours, the question should be, WHY do a GOOD women let a GUY treat her like crap? WHY did you stay when he started to call you stupid? Even IF he was a low point there was NO excuse for this kind of abuse.
HE wanted to make YOU feel like crap SO he could feel better. AND you let him.
Now you know. YOU can do NICE, CARING, sweet, GOOD things for SOME people and they DO NOT appreciate it, when that happens, WALK AWAY. Leave them to their SUCK. Don't let them DRAG you down.
You say when you FIRST me him he was a gentleman. Well, most likely he wasn't. He just HID his real persona, long enough to reel you in and make you think he was a good guy. Making it harder for you to walk away, because you thought the "gentleman" you first met was still in there deep down. He wasn't - IT was an act. He build himself up to BE a good guy who got cheated on by women, who bought them gifts and they cheated on him as a thank you. So him being an asshat is really women's fault. (in his eyes) See what I'm getting at? He is justifying his VERBAL abuse on you, by saying YOU somehow have to pay for what an ex did to him. BULL****, never buy into that!
BE proud that you WALKED away. Be glad that you finally realized THIS is NOT OK for a guy to treat you this way. LEARN from this. It's OK for you to have boundaries as to how people treat you. If they OVERSTEP that boundary they get a warning, if they ignore it, walk away. It's NOT your job to make them into good people. IT's YOUR job to try protect yourself from harm and abuse when it comes to relationships.
YOU did nothing wrong. YOU didn't MAKE him be an asshat! He made that choice.
Only thing you did "wrong" - was to stay and take his crap. (and I put "wrong" in quotation marks because it's not really wrong per se, to see good in a person who is not so good)
Chin up.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 My honest answer is it comes from his dad. Examine the father and you will know the son. My dad taught me to respect women above all things and you'll have a happy life. He was right!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): Men generally don't treat good women bad. A good man wouldn't do that, so just treat this is as one of life's tough lessons in love and that it might take a few frogs to find that Prince...as the saying goes.You were together a year and it was on and off, he made you paranoid, he has called you awful things. He just sounds like he needs some time alone and to grow up. You'll go your separate ways and that's the best thing for both of you.You will meet men who don't know how good they've got it until your gone, fingers crossed it's not vice versa for you! Concentrate on moving forward. It would not be a good idea to try and maintain a friendship with this guy, just make a clean break and start fresh. Take time to grow and learn what you would like or wouldn't like in someone, enjoy being young and without ties to someone who made you quite a different person and one day you'll be welcoming a much nicer guy into your life. Onwards and upwards!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): "Why do women treat good men bad?" is a much more common question.
Its not men or women, its just people. There will always be people out there who use others, don't treat others well, etc. Its just something we have to deal with in life. You can't change them and the number of them out there is unlimited. Pick up the pieces and learn to avoid those kinds of people in the future. You cannot control other people, but you can control which other people you are involved with.
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