A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiHope someone can give me a bit of advice, as I have totally lost my mind. I have been through so much rubbish recently and I decided enough was enough so ended things. Here is my story and hope others can learn from it to some extent! I met the most wonderful man 2 years ago, we clicked immediately, he was wonderful. He had 2 gorgeous kids and we all got along brilliantly, I loved being with them all. Then, the dreaded ex found out and since then, life has taken it toll. I work with children and when I found out that she was in trouble with the way she treated her own kids, it took its toll on me. I was stressed to the max - headaches, sharp pains, exhaustion and everything else. Then, the honeymoon period ended with my partner. I did a lot for him and got nothing in return, literally I got money back for him, cooked, looked after the kids with him at weekends and lent him money, which I got back when I finally left him. I was taken for granted as when he went on holiday's with his whole family and did not invite me, it hurt. He also turned to me and asked me how to deal with his ex, I told him my opinion, however he never took it. The fact it, that all the problems included me, yet although he moaned and groaned about his ex, he still gave into her on a lot of occasions. All I would hear about was the problems he was having. In the end, I had enough. I was carrying all his problems, all I had was excuses from him when I told him that I did not want to be part of the problems, but when everyone is on about them, its mentally draining. I spoke to him about my problems, but he never listened. I have since broken up with him and I feel better in myself. However, he has now started with the letters, sorry texts and I was the best thing in his life...we have been together 2 years and a few months ago, he told me "how do you know if you want to marry someone after 2 years". However, he now claims he got an engagement ring for me! When I got upset, he would not contact me for days and then just walk in as though nothing has happened. Why do men suddenly realise what they have lost when its too late? I spoke to him, tried to make him see my point of view but never listened. I also tried to spend time with him, but he was always working on the house or other things and never made time for us. I have lost all energy in this relationship...Can anyone give me some thoughts of this story? I would like to add, that my ex partner does have a heart of gold..he just took me for granted too much and I felt unsafe in our future, so I had to do what was best for me and leave...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 August 2013):
 Go no contact. Tell him it's over and you want NOTHING further to do with him. Tell him to stop texting, writing and calling and most of all stop showing up at your door.
Only way YOU can move on is if he fades into the past.
And yes, some guys ARE like that. (women too mind you) It's the people who THINK the grass is ALWAYS greener elsewhere. So they will date (even marry) someone but constantly think that THEY could have done better. Once the partner find out and leaves, they realize that MAYBE that partner wasn't so bad after all...
I think YOUR best bet is to find someone who appreciate you for YOU.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Thank you very much for advice! It is spot on...!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Well, it makes sense that he is missing you, if you were providing him all this stuff , no expectations,no reciprocation and no questions asked. He got an excellent deal : sex, affection, interest free money loans, free counseling and advice, cooking , cleaning, babysitting, finance management. Too bad he did not have a dog, you could have walked the dog too for him.
Who do you think is going to give him all that, the bitchy ex ?...Some more prudent, more (reasonably ) self protective new acquaintance ?...
I think he is not really missing you as in YOU the person, he is missing how you made his life easier with little or no effort from his side.
Then again, even if he does miss you as a person..., well, too bad for him, I 'd say. This relationship was not working out for you, you were frustrated , emotionally drained and even burned out physically, ! with ripercussions on your health. So my advice would be : put yourself first, for once. Your health, your serenity , your happiness, - even your right to be the one who is spoiled and pampered, or at least is taking turns in giving and receiving. Put yourself at the core of your life and you 'll see that in this light, you need this kind of man and relationship as you'd need a third nipple.
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