A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently split up with my longterm boyfriend after a whole heap of problems. We are still friends and spend time together (by time I do mean exactly that i.e. cinema, food out, but nothing more). Whilst we were going through the tough months I ended up confiding in a male friend, who has an on/off girlfriend. They are currently together. And he did the same to me about his problems. One night, when we were talking through stuff as we always had, one thing lead to another and the obvious happened - no alcohol involved. Both agreed it shouldn't have happened. And we are both fine with it - no awkwardness, nothing. Clearly I am not with anyone so I can do what I want. And we still get on really well. Recently he came round one evening and we spent ages chatting about everything that has gone on - reminiscing almost. And when he left he gave me three very lingering kisses on the mouth. Like he wanted to stay but I made it pretty clear he should go (although I wanted him to stay also).Can anyone, particularly you men out there, please enlighten me as to why he might have kissed me like that?! Ordinarily if a friend, male or female, kisses you goodbye, it is on the cheek. I know I should know better at my age but I can't work it out! Is he just a total player and trying it on? Or is it something more. His girlfriend is stunning. I am not. I'm just confused I guess.
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has a girlfriend, player, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe more I think about it having read all of your advice, the more I think we have just become a little too close and he is playing me. I don't want to be hurt by him given how close we are and as it stands I still have his friendship. I am going to put a little distance between us and maintain the friendship which is something I would rather have rather than be hurt by someone so dear to me. Thanks for your advice everyone.
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 It sounds like you two are very close. Closer than either of your current or ex partners. Therefore I don't think you are looking into this too much. You are slightly confused and that is understandable. The good thing is you understand he MIGHT be playing you. You're not just in this blind and unaware. He may be just as unsure about you and you are of him which is why he's acting the way he is.
If this issue gets bigger and bigger between the two of you than just be blunt about it. Ask him about his feelings for you and tell him you are open to a relationship with him but not while he has a girlfriend. He may just end it quickly with her to be with you or if not, it will show that he is just a cheater.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (3 June 2010):
 It sounds like he just wants more no strings sex. The only way you can find out how he really feels is to talk about it. If he wants to be with you but doesn't want to leave his girlfriend, you'll know he's not looking for a relationship, just the benefits of one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I guess I would like a relationship with him. Because I feel I can be myself and I trust him to the extent that I can talk to him and be open about anything (he is about 5 years younger than me but mature in his outlook and he has been 'there' for me whilst I had a cancer scare, lost a baby, split up with my long term partner - he was there through everything)...but clearly, given what has happened between us and the fact that he is with someone else, there may always be doubt in my mind with regard to fidelity should it go further. I think the sensible part of me is telling me that he is probably trying it on a bit. And the non-sensible part of me saying, he's been there through all of this and always been there for me when I have needed it the most.
Could be I'm reading into it more than I should. Rubbish! Thank you though for responding. All advice is greatly received.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (3 June 2010):
First, odds are you are more attractive than you give yourself credit for. Second, just because she is "stunning" doesn't mean they're relationship is great. The best relationships are the ones that have a great foundation built on friendship. If you are both confiding in each other all of your secrets, than there is a high level of intimacy between the both of you.
Yes, he could be a player, but he also could just be falling in love with you. He seems closer to you than he does his girlfriend. If he wants to pursue a relationship with you while keeping his girlfriend, than he is a player. But if he's open to ending it with his girlfriend and being with you, than he's most likely serious.
Would you like to be more than just friends?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 June 2010):
He's trying it on. Be careful, you might end used. Don't be a doormat..
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